


New Digs

by SilenceoftheLlamas



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Eventual Relationships, M/M, Mentions of dead animals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-09-10 22:16:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 42,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8941531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilenceoftheLlamas/pseuds/SilenceoftheLlamas
Summary: Emil Västerström's university experience can be summed up in exactly five words: Should Not Have Done That. Being thrown into a student house with 5 complete strangers couldn't possibly be that bad, could it?
Tags to be updated as story progresses.





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Woot woot, finally started my first SSSS fanfic. Same for all my fics; updates may and probably will be a tad spotty as I'm very sickly. More info on that on my tumblr of the same name!
> 
> Without any further ado; enjoy!

Emil smoothed down his hair as he stepped out onto the platform.

The sound of the city could be heard even over the roar of the train speeding away behind him, and it sounded amazing. Scanning the crowd, he spotted his aunt and uncle waving to him from where they were waiting.

"Thank goodness you made it!" His aunt called as he approached them. "We were worried for a moment there."

"I'm on time." Emil replied, dumping his cases at their feet. "Are we walking?"

"Of course." His uncle scoffed, "It's free."

Emil internally groaned as he picked his luggage back up and lugged it behind his aunt and uncle. The walk was at least half an hour from the station to their house, made even more excruciating by the heavy bags, and the muggy weather. His hair was doomed.

Well, he could always quickly shower before he left for his student digs.

That was why he was there, of course. His first year of university! A self-proclaimed prodigy, now flying the nest and joining the fitful mess that was the student population. What a splendid thing to boast about at the next family gathering.

He had been quite lucky, really. He'd found a place not even a stones throw from the university campus, with 6 rooms, and a separate kitchen and dining room. It didn't take poverty to be able to appreciate that particular arrangement, not at all! He didn't know who the other people he would be living with were, but it was always nice to meet people.

He hoped they were tidy.

"Emil! Emil!"

Three pairs of feet thundered towards him, and Emil briefly realised that they had arrived before three small bodies collided with him, all shrieking in delight and rattling off question after question.

"Are you living with us?"

"Can we play together?"

"Am I going to school with you?"

"Can I live with you?"

"Are you staying?"

Their mother had faded into the woodwork as soon as her children had delighted with the sight of Emil, their father trying to prise them off of their poor cousin. "Now, now," he said, putting them down and turning to see that they had already clung back on in a losing war, "don't ask so many questions at once. One at a time."

"I'm not staying for long this time." Emil apologised, "but I always have time for a game."

The three cheered before dragging him inside, their father throwing a floor skyward and muttering a prayer before following them.

* * *

 

Lalli arrived in a foul mood.

He hated trains, he despised boats, but _planes_? His _nemesis_. Screw scratchy blankets, it was the flying tin cans Tuuri insisted were called aeroplanes who took top spot.

They could have taken a boat. Lalli had seen that they could have while flicking through a brochure waiting for their flight. But Tuuri had wanted to fly, and so fly they did.

Lalli's stomach would never forgive him.

"The rest of our stuff should arrive soon." Tuuri chirped to the stony-faced Lalli, cheerfully nattering away as she dragged her suitcase down the steps from the airport. "So we'll just get a taxi and get to our house, okay?"

"This isn't home." Lalli pointed out as he trailed after her, his own suitcase considerably lighter.

"It will be for the next three years, Lalli. Please try to make this work."

Lalli didn't grace her with an answer.

Tuuri piled into the front seat of the taxi while Lalli slipped into the back, tucking his knees into his chest as he stared out of the window and tried to ignore the looks the driver was giving him.

Their house was quaint, Lalli decided. While Tuuri dealt with the driver and payment, Lalli had swiped her keys and was unlocking the front door before she could stop him. He pulled his suitcase inside and surveyed the room.

The entry hall was a small porch, which lead on to the kitchen and dining area, separated by a thin glass door that slid into the wall. Lalli kicked off his shoes as he padded in. There were no other shoes on the rack, so he assumed he was alone.

The kitchen lead into a small bathroom that stank of cheap candles, the garden, and the living room. The shelf was empty in there and Lalli assumed that they'd have to fill it themselves. There were worn sofas and thick, fluffy blankets. Lalli stroked the closest one. It wasn't scratchy.

One door lead into a stairwell, and another into a bedroom. The handle was much heavier, and upon closer inspection he noticed that it could be locked by a key. Lalli took one look at the room and decided that he did not like it.

He went back to the stairwell and noticed another door with a similar handle. He opened it.

Yes. He liked this room.

He quickly grabbed his suitcase as he saw Tuuri struggling up the path and ran it into his chosen room, almost dropping it in his haste. This room! He wanted this one!

"Lalli!" Tuuri wheezed as she managed to haul her suitcase inside, "You can't do that!"

"Do what?" He innocently asked as he came round to watch her struggle.

"Run off like that! You should have waited."

Lalli simply shrugged and left to investigate upstairs. He could hear Tuuri pottering around downstairs and paid no mind to it as he peered in through doors and scrunched his face at almost every single room.

As he came back downstairs, he looked out of the window and saw another human being walking up the path with a purposeful stride, and a small hoard of children following him as they dragged various bags behind him, and two other adults.

He stiffened for a moment before slinking back into his claimed room. Hoping no one would barge in, he crawled under the bed and listened hard.

The key jangled in the lock. The pause as they registered the shoes in the shoe rack.

"Hello?" They called out. Lalli felt his chest throb at their voice and was almost convinced it was a sign he was going to die.

Thankfully, Tuuri was downstairs to deal with them. "Hullo!" She tottered over to him, all sunshine and fake rainbows. "I'm Tuuri! My cousin Lalli is somewhere, probably in his room. It's nice to meet you!"

"I'm Emil." The stranger continued, and Lalli had to hold two fingers to his neck to check his pulse. Was his heart not working correctly? "These are my cousins, they're helping me get my things here."

The three small humans all chatted away and Lalli clamped his hands over his ears. Nope! Nope nope nope! Disgusting voices!

The two adults and Emil went on to have a private conversation in a gibberish he couldn't understand, and he thought he heard Tuuri tell the small ones that one was adopted. He snorted into the carpet.

Silly Tuuri.

About twenty minutes later, after goodbyes had been exchanged and the door had shut with a sound of finality, Lalli deemed it safe to crawl out from under his bed.

He peered out to see a pile of bags by the staircase, and Tuuri standing in front of his door with arms crossed over her chest and angrily tapping her foot as she frowned at him.

"What?" He asked her in their native tongue.

"You know what." She replied. "You can't ignore these people forever."

"I can."

Tuuri threw her hands up in annoyance. "Yeah, whatever, Lalli. Help us get our bags up?"

Having noting better to do, Lalli grabbed the closest bag and hauled it up the stairs-

And bumped straight into a stranger.

Lalli stumbled away with a muffled sound as the stranger jumped about a foot into the air with a strangled shriek. Their blond hair brushed their shoulders, seeming to sparkle, and they looked up in surprise. Lalli felt his chest do that stupid thing again as his stomach filled with butterflies.

He didn't know what that meant.

"Oh- I'm sorry!" Emil - Lalli assumed- rushed over to steady him. "I didn't see you. You must be Lalli! I'm Emil. It's nice to meet you."

Lalli peered over Emils shoulder and saw Tuuri giving him a look that promised pain if he didn't reply.

"... You too."

Emil seemed satisfied with that reply. "I can handle my own bags." Emil assured them. "Thanks for your help anyway."

Lalli nodded and retreated back downstairs, pushing his thoughts to the back of his head. They had no place here.

* * *

 

A few hours later saw Tuuri shoving a tray into Lallis hands and insisting that he brought it up to the strange blond man. With glare, Lalli begrudgingly obliged. It wasn't as if she would pay any attention to his protests, anyway. He gently knocked on the door before pushing it open.

Emil was passed out on his bed, mouth hanging open as he snored. His bags sat empty next to the wardrobe. Lalli set down the tray on the desk, careful to not upset the steaming mug he carried, as he peered in a few drawers and through a crack in the wardrobe. They had unpacked all of their things already.

He turned his attention back to the sleeping man. Careful to not upset any creaky floorboards, he tip-tied over and inspected them closely. Soft, feather like eyelashes looked almost dewey in the faint light, his skin looking like a peach. Hair like woven gold spilled out onto the pillow beneath his head, one arm tucked underneath it while the other lay just under his chin.

Lalli prodded him in the chest. He wasn't entirely sure how to deal with this odd feeling in his stomach, or the urge to nap with them, so he'd ignore the former and promptly quench the latter by waking him.

The weird gibberish he was speaking earlier spilled out as he quickly sat up, rubbing at his eyes. Lalli simply pointed at the tray he'd brought up until Emil followed it and spotted the mug of tea and plate of biscuits.

"Thank you, Lalli." Email sleepily said, rubbing at his eyes. "I suppose I'd better go downstairs and join you both."

Lalli didn't know how to reply to that, so he simply trotted back downstairs, grabbed his laptop, and curled up in the sitting room with the fluffy blanket wrapped around him.

Emil came down a few moments later, mug in one hand, laptop tucked under his arm, and a chocolate digestive in his mouth. He nodded at Tuuri, who was kneeling at the coffee table with her own steaming mug and thick tome, before sitting down next to Lalli. He was careful to not invade his personal space, even when he leaned over to put his mug onto the table.

"Any ideas when the others will arrive?" Emil asked as he booted up his laptop.

"Haven't a clue." Tuuri replied. "What did you say you were studying again?"

"Oh!" Emil almost dropped his biscuit. "Chemical and environmental engineering. What about you two?"

"I'm studying Northern European studies with history." Tuuri proudly replied before gesturing to her cousin, "Lalli is studying Archaeology and Geography."

Lalli simply made a sound of agreement before turning back to his laptop.

"Archaeology?" Emil asked, turning to Lalli. "I didn't realise that was a course."

"Oh, it is!" Tuuri excitedly assured him. "Lalli is pretty good at it."

Lalli looked slightly irritated that his cousin had spoken for him, but couldn't bring himself to feel too angry about it. It got him out of talking.

Emil looked slightly put off, however. He didn't voice it.

The three dug out some frozen pizzas for dinner that night, deciding that they'd make something extravagant, or order in takeout, when the rest of their housemates arrived. Tuuri turned in early, Lalli scandalised to discover that she had taken the other bedroom on the ground floor as opposed to an upstairs one like she had said earlier, realising that she had lied in order to force him to socialise, which left Lalli and Emil to watch bad TV together. Emil seemed to be comfortable enough, sipping on his drink as he snorted at the cheesy jokes and godawful pick-up lines.

Lalli slowly allowed himself to relax into the plush cushions. Maybe the strange feeling he got was simply because Emil was a stranger, maybe they were just nerves. He'd have to live with him for the next three years, so getting on was a must.

Slowly, he allowed his heavy eyelids to droop shut.

* * *

 

The TV turned off with a soft click as Emil carefully got up from the sofa, deciding it best to leave Lalli there. From the way he had shied away from reaching hands and arms earlier, Emil summarised that Lalli wasn't big on the whole touching business and he wasn't about to touch him while he was unconscious and prone. That was just... Rude, and the thought left a bad taste in his mouth. Still, he couldn't bare to leave his hair as it was. Leaning forwards, he quickly ruffled it so it looked more presentable before turning around to busy himself with something else. He put their empty glasses on the side in the kitchen before creeping back in to retrieve his laptop and head upstairs.

Once settled upstairs, Emil grabbed his phone and called his parents. He wasn't sure which time zone he was in now, so he had no idea if it was early or late back home - especially considering he had slept earlier and so was not tired - and could only hope he hadn't woken them up.

"Hello?" His mothers sleepy voice answered.

"Hello, mother." Emil replied. "Did I wake you up?"

"Yes, yes, but no matter. Did you get there okay?"

"I got here just fine, auntie and uncle met me at the station and helped me move my things over. I'm all moved in now."

"That's good. Who else are you living with?"

"I've met two of them- Finns. Cousins, I think. The others haven't arrived yet."

"You're living with- with savages?!" His mother hissed down the phone. Emil nodded despite how his mother wouldn't be able to see it.

"I'll live. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Please don't do anything rash!"

"Sleep well."

Emil hung up and stared at his contact list for a few moments, eyes glazed over.

Welp. They still hadn't changed stances on that, then.

Slipping into his pyjamas, Emil tried his best to sleep.

Only to be woken up a few hours later to the sound of someone pulling something very heavy up the stairs. He sprung out of bed and peered under his door, seeing a pair of feet and a large suitcase.

Cautiously, he pulled on a t-shirt and peered out of his door to catch a flash of bright red hair.

Another housemate had arrived. He glanced at his clock.

7:30am.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Who arrived that early?!

Emil was half of mind to storm out there and let them know exactly what they thought of this nonsense, but he caught a glimpse of Tuuri grinning up at him from downstairs and felt some of his anger melt away. He simply gestured in the direction of the red head and pulled a face.

Tuuri waved him downstairs, and so begrudgingly he obliged.

"She's a housemate from Norway!" Tuuri excitedly explained as though it excused everything. "She used to be in the army. This is pretty late in the morning for her."

Emil grunted. " _I_ was in the army too, and I still find this far too early."

"Y-you were?" Tuuri uncertainly said, looking Emil up and down. He tried his best to ignore that, but it still stung.

"Yes, I was." He hissed back. "I'm on temporary leave until I finish my degree."

"You don't look like you're in the army." Tuuri frowned at him, leaning in closer as though to inspect him.

Emil pouted at her. Just wriggle the knife around, Tuuri. Just wriggle it around.

"Ah! Hello!" The Norwegian shouted down at them, leaning excitedly over the bannister. Emil was thankful for the distraction. "Captain Sigrun, a pleasure to meet you." She jogged down the stairs two at a time, and Emil noticed that one of her arms looked... Significantly _stiffer_ than the other.

Maybe she'd left due to an injury?

They firmly shook hands, Sigrun crushing his slighter one. He tried to not wince too hard, that tended to just encourage them. "Emil." He choked out.

"Excellent!" She released him from her vice grip before grabbing her other bags and hefting them up. "Well, I'll just get myself upstairs and let you two go back to bed. See you later!"

And with that she tromped back upstairs, leaving Tuuri and Emil to share a bewildered look.

What had just happened?

Tuuri simply shook her head and walked back to her room, badly stifling a yawn, while Emil quickly went to the living room to see if Lalli was still there.

There was a lump of blanket on the floor. He knelt down and cautiously lifted the corner. A pair of bright, bright eyes stared right back.

"Lalli?"

"Mmr."

"Come on, you're going to hurt your back." Emil tried to encourage him to crawl out to no avail. Lalli didn't seem to be interested in moving.

"I'm not above carrying you." Emil warned.

That certainly got Lalli moving. With a groan, he wrapped the blanket closer to himself and stood up, slinking away towards his room like a scolded cat. Emil watched him with a faint satisfaction before retreating back to his own room. He stripped the t-shirt back off and crawled back into bed.

Lalli did not go back to his bed.

He had never managed to sleep in the conventional places. A bed was not somewhere to sleep for him. Underneath it was a different story entirely, however, but this time he wasn't planning on sleeping in his room.

Carefully, he cracked his window open and slipped out. Right outside his window was a tall, tall tree. If he could climb it, he could sleep all he wanted entirely undisturbed. No Tuuri shaking him awake and scolding him for not using a bed, no strange red haired woman loudly shouting him awake, and no Emil.

It would be perfect.

Once settled in he branches, he let his eyes droop shut again, confident that the leaves of the tree would hide him well enough to buy him a few more hours of privacy.

* * *

 

His alarm went off at 9am.

With a groan, Emil smacked the off button and lay face down in his bed for a moment before sighing and pushing himself up. It wouldn't do to succumb to the temptation of the snooze button now - he had to keep to his old habits if he wanted to pass this semester.

Stumbling out of bed, he threw open his curtains and stretched in the early morning sunshine.

A strangled choking sound made his eyes fly open.

Lalli was sat in the fork of two branches, his eyes as wide as saucers as the two stared at each other in stunned silence. Two hands were clamped over Lallis mouth, his face slowly turning red for a reason Emil couldn't quite identify. Embarrassment at being caught in a tree? Suffocation? Shock?

Emil didn't quite know what to do, so he simply slowly drew the curtains again while maintaining solid eye contact, and slowly sank down to the floor.

Why.

Why did he do that.

What could have possibly possessed him to do that? To think that was a good idea?

With a groan, Emil scrubbed his hands down his face. With a cringe he realised that he had stubble peppering his face. He must have looked a right state! How awful!

Quickly pulling on a t-shirt, he grabbed his toiletries bag and stumbled into the bathroom.

Lalli, on the other hand, was still in the tree, firmly demanding that the tree swallowed him up and never spat him back out. He hadn't meant to be seen. He didn't realise that someone had chosen the room directly above his own! And it just had to be Emil, didn't it! The stupid idiot hadn't even noticed that he was there, stretching his arms wide and throwing his chest out, a satisfied smile on his face as he basked in the sunlight. Lalli hadn't meant to make a noise. If he hadn't, he may not have been seen.

_Ugh_.

He hoped this hadn't just made it awkward.

Gingerly, he descended and slipped back in to his room.

Please don't say anything to Tuuri, please please please! She would never let him live it down, forever lecturing him about what was socially acceptable and what wasn't. He was doing just fine on his own, thank you very much!

He quietly grabbed his toiletries and escaped into the downstairs bathroom, locking the door firmly behind him.

* * *

 

Sigrun watched the Finn with a bemused expression as he scampered out of his room and into the bathroom, covered in leaves and furiously blushing.

Well, that was a fine first impression.

"Don't mind him." Tuuri sighed as she placed a steaming mug in front of Sigrun. "He's a little... Different."

"We all have our quirks." Sigrun replied, leaning her elbows on the table as she rested her hand on her cheek. Metal glinted as it caught the sun and Tuuri barely stifled her gasp.

"I-I'm sorry, I-" she spluttered when Sigrun glanced at her.

Sigrun waved her off. "I'm used to it."

Tuuri nodded and tried to not focus too much on the glaringly obvious prosthetic arm. "So," she tried, attempting to change the topic, "what should we make for breakfast?"

"I already ate this morning." Sigrun replied as she took a sip of her coffee. "What do we have? I'll do a food run."

"We already have some Rivita, some cheese, a packet of ham..." Tuuri counted them off on her fingers. "I don't think we have any cereal yet."

"I'll go in a bit."

"I'll come with! I'll need to learn where it is, anyway."

"More the merrier." She took another swig of her coffee as Lalli left the bathroom. "Morning, Twig!"

"Morning Lalli! This is Sigrun. What do we say?"

"... Hello."

“Did you want to come to the supermarket with us later on?” She asked. Lalli quickly shook his head and hastily retreated into his room. Sigrun simply accepted this with a nod as she downed the rest of her coffee and got up to grab some juice.

“Ugh! I’m so sorry about him. I’ll make him come with us.” Tuuri scraped her chair back as she made to stand, but Sigrun pushed her back down into her seat.

“Leave it, it’s fine. There’s always another time.”

“I suppose.” Tuuri mumbled as she looked at the door Lalli had disappeared behind.

Lalli jumped up onto his bed and pulled his laptop onto his lap, deciding to focus his attention onto his course. It started in five days, so he thought that he may as well read around the subject a little. Prepare himself for what he was about to get himself into. He loaded up the first powerpoint that had been uploaded and checked their reading list. It all looked expensive, and he shuddered at the though of getting a part time job to be able to afford all of this.

In a separate tab, he began looking for job vacancies.

He heard the sound of Emil coming downstairs, and he fought to keep his face neutral. It was highly unlikely that Emil would go into his room anyway, but he may have wanted to… _talk_ , about what had happened earlier, and Lalli wasn’t sure he was ready for that just yet. Their common language wasn’t exactly his forte, and he wasn’t sure that he knew all the words to explain anything. Tuuri probably did, but did he want _her_ to explain it? No. Hell no. She omitted things and always gave him a pitying look instead as though she were trying to protect him.

He didn’t want to be protected.

After about forty-five minutes of pure, blissful solitude, Emil gently knocked at his door.

“Hey, Lalli?” He asked, sticking his head in. “The others are about to go to the supermarket, was there anything you wanted?”

Lalli was quiet for a moment, thinking over his answer.

“Cookies.” He said with an air of finality, giving a nod.

“Any particular kind?”

Lalli shook his head.

Emil left. He didn’t close the door.

Lalli’s eye twitched in annoyance.

The Swede relayed the message on to Sigrun and Tuuri, who then left with an updated shopping list. After they’d done a sweep of the house, they realised that they were missing some basics, such as bleach, drain cleaner, and dish soap. Their other two housemates hadn’t arrived yet, either, so they supposed that it was best to get everything now before they saw the state of disarray that they’d been landed in. Once he was sure they were gone, he allowed himself to slowly sit down in a kitchen chair.

Was it a good idea to ignore what had happened earlier? Surely Lalli hadn’t intended to be there – well, it was difficult to not intend to be up in a tree when you had gotten yourself up there – but, hadn’t intended to be looking directly into his room. Lalli didn’t even know which room was his… right? Right?

Emil fiddled at the edge of his collar. Perhaps he was over thinking this. Lalli had looked as shocked as he was; it was simply an honest mistake. Nothing more, and nothing less. That’s what he was telling himself. It meant nothing, it was nothing.

His head snapped up when he heard shuffling, and he saw Lalli still in his pyjamas shuffle into the kitchen and grab a carton of apple juice out of the fridge. He grabbed a glass and poured himself some while Emil watched.

Emil suddenly felt incredibly overdressed. There Lalli was, looking relaxed and comfortable in his baggy clothing, while Emil was dressed in a shirt, with a blue jumper over the top and a pair of black jeans. He couldn’t help but feel like his father.

“I’m sorry about last night,” Emil suddenly said, not entirely sure why he’d wanted to break the silence between them, “you looked so tired, I thought it best to leave you there.”

Lalli just shrugged as he put the apple juice back in the fridge. “Sorry about this morning. Didn’t think anyone was in that room.”

“It’s fine.”

“Tuuri will scold me if she knows.”

“I haven’t said anything.” Emil assured him. “It was a mistake, she doesn’t need to know.”

Lalli stood in place for a moment before padding over to the table and sitting down next to him. The chair made a quiet creak as it took his weight.

“You shaved.” He commented.

Emil felt like he were being scrutinised. “I- I did. What of it?”

“Nothing.”

Emil rubbed at his chin, suddenly feeling incredibly self-conscious. Did he miss a spot? Was it all red and irritated?

“Your face is good.”

Emil choked on air, looking at Lalli for an explanation. Luckily, the Finn wasn’t quite finished yet.

“It’s smooth.” Lalli ran two fingers down his jaw. “No patches.”

Emil mutely nodded, trying his hardest to fight the red that was threatening to take over his face. Was he being teased?!

His saving grace was the sound of a phone vibrating in Lalli’s room. They sighed and stood, leaving their juice behind, as they trotted into their room and shut the door. Emil sighed and slumped into his seat, his face still burning where Lalli’s fingers had been.

He was so doomed.


	2. Chapter Two

Lalli, as it turned out, seemed to live solely off of cookies. Emil certainly didn't envy his dentist.

"Isn't this awful for his teeth?" Emil had asked Tuuri after they watched Lalli eat his way through an entire packet of Maryland cookies. Tuuri just shrugged.

"He's never had a cavity."

Emil refused to believe that.

"He's probably just not told you." Emil argued.

"I'm in charge of his dentist appointments." Tuuri proudly replied, "I'd know."

Emil just grunted and drank his tea.

Three days before their lectures were due to start, a huge bear of a man arrived. He introduced himself as Mikkel, and had somehow managed to assimilate into their household with very little input other than sarcastic comments and very poor dad jokes.

Mikkel was a genius when it came to baking cookies. If Lalli had ever clambered somewhere to hide and they couldn't find him, simply enlisting Mikkel to bake a batch of cookies, or rattling the cookie jar, summoned him. Emil was nearly convinced that if Lalli were a demon, all one would need to do is place a pile of cookies inside a pentagram and wait.

"So, as our newest housemate, Mikkel! You can choose what we have for dinner." Tuuri said as the five of them were crammed around the table. Sigrun had Google open on her phone so they could simply type in what they desired, and menus from various takeaways were littered on the table. Mikkel stroked his chin.

"I thought I was the last to arrive?"

The others looked at each other. "What?"

"But there are six rooms?" Emil replied.

"The sixth housemate pulled out unexpectedly." Mikkel said.

"How do you know this?" Sigrun narrowed her eyes at him. Mikkel gave one of his signature quirks of his mouth.

"I have kept in correspondence with the landlady."

"You silver fox, you." Sigrun punched his arm. "So! Special dinner tonight, then!"

"I vote Chinese!"

The word Chinese seemed to instil a sense of excitement into everyone; except Lalli, but no one ever really knew what he was thinking. So they grabbed the menu to their local, and began to write down their orders on the back of an envelope.

"So how did you guys do Chinese takeaways with your families?" Tuuri asked as she twirled the pen in her fingers. "We just picked what we wanted and ate what we had."

"My family picked their own noodles and shared the other dishes." Emil replied, running some fingers through his hair.

"What?" Sigrun dropped her phone on the table and rounded on Emil. "I do the exact opposite!"

"Many varied views." Mikkel rumbled.

Eventually, they decided a pick and mix was the best option. That way, Emil thought, Lalli would be able to find at least one thing he liked and actually eat something that wasn't a cookie.

While Mikkel gave their impressive food order to the restaurant on the telephone, Tuuri went about setting up the table while Sigrun 'helped' (read: watched while she chatted utter shit). Lalli had retreated into his room, leaving Emil standing awkwardly in the living room, not sure what to do with himself.

"Oh! Emil!" Tuuri poked her head out the kitchen. "Could you go get us some drinks?"

"Like what?" Emil asked as he went to put his shoes on.

"Anything really. I'd like some lemonade, can you ask Lalli what he wants?"

"Sure."

Emil gently knocked on Lalli's door.

"Lalli?"

No response.

Curious, he opened the door and peered inside. The window was wide open, the curtains billowing in a gentle breeze. Lalli was nowhere to be seen.

Emil had a vague idea of where he could be.

Sighing to himself, Emil tromped upstairs and into his room. Sure enough, there Lalli was, perched in the tree again and fast asleep.

"He's going to catch a cold." Emil grumbled as he grabbed a spare blanket and wondered what the best way to throw it at him was.

The wind decided for him, ripping it out of his hands before he realised what was happening. Barely stifling his gasp, Emil watched in barely restrained horror as the blanket flew...

... Straight onto Lalli. Well, at least it kind of reached its target, right? Emil grabbed his wallet and his earphones after a moments consideration before going back downstairs.

"He's asleep." Emil said as he pulled on his coat. "What does he usually drink?"

"Some days bubbles irritate him, other days they don't." Tuuri hummed in reply. "Just get him some apple juice."

"Anything else I'm getting?" Emil asked.

"I am fine with what we have." Mikkel replied. Sigrun shouted out her order of coke - cherry coke, Emil hastily reminded himself. The cherry was important. She'd shouted it three times.

Zipping his coat up, Emil stepped outside.

* * *

 

Dinner was a traumatic event.

That wasn’t to say it was bad; no, quite the opposite. It was wonderful in retrospect, and something Emil would come to look back on fondly, but at the time?

He’d wished that it’d be over.

Once Emil found the supermarket, he grabbed two bottles of lemonade, a bottle of cherry coke, and a couple cartons of apple juice. After a few moments of consideration, he picked up a bottle of appletiser. Maybe Lalli would tolerate this? The woman serving him at the checkout didn’t even spare him a glance as she scanned in his items and spewed their rehearsed lines in the same deadpan tone. He paid and hastily left.

When he got home, Sigrun had grabbed the drinks from him and dumped them on the side. Emil put the juice in the fridge and watched in fascination as Sigrun opened up the cherry coke and drank straight from the bottle.

_Savage_!

Tuuri came in a few moments later and visibly bit her cheek to stop herself from making a comment – despite Sigrun being, as best as Emil could describe, a noodle, she had somehow managed to get herself on to the top of the pecking order in their house. They’d all put it down to her military background but they weren’t always so sure. Tuuri knew better than to scold her.

Emil ran upstairs to dump his things back in his room and quickly checked outside his window. Lalli wasn’t there anymore, and nor was his blanket. Humming to himself, Emil returned downstairs and got himself a drink while he waited for the Chinese to arrive.

Lalli had eventually emerged from his room when he heard the words ‘we have apple juice’ being whispered through the crack in his door, and he had helped himself to a glass of appletiser after a moments consideration (Emil hid his smile in his own drink, and he’d deny it that he was grinning if anyone asked). He plonked himself down on the sofa next to Emil, nursing the glass in both hands, and quietly listened to the conversations going on around him. Sigrun and Mikkel seemed to be sharing military stories – it turned out that Mikkel had also been in the army, although he’d left of his own accord for reasons he wasn’t willing to divulge – and Tuuri was eagerly listening like a puppy. Emil had been listening and chipping in his own stories, but he’d been quickly distracted by Lalli. There were still leaves in his hair.

Gingerly, he leaned over and plucked one out. Lalli twitched and narrowed his eyes at him before Emil simply brandished the leaf and the look melted away. Lalli pushed his glass into Emil’s hands and he ran his fingers through his hair, working out any remaining leaves and throwing them onto a paper towel Tuuri had set out for him. He folded the leaves into it and got up to chuck it in the bin, getting himself another paper towel before returning.

The other three had been too engrossed in their own conversation to notice, despite being less than four feet away. Emil was glad for that.

And then the Chinese arrived. Mikkel graciously handled the delivery man while the others arranged themselves around their small table and bickered about what Harry Potter to put on while they ate (“Chamber of Secrets is the best one!”  
“Are you joking? The Goblet of Fire wins by far.”), and Lalli poured himself another glass.

Eventually they’d decided to start from the beginning with The Philosophers Stone, and had agreed to watch the next one every Saturday. How long that would last for Emil didn’t know, but it felt… good, to have plans with the people he lived with. To have a set time to spend at least a little time together. It wasn’t something he ever got at home.

But then hell began.

Emil hadn’t ever really _explored_ with his food. He considered himself a picky eater, so many things he turned his nose up at without even trying them. It was a tremendous downfall and something he hated about himself, so as he looked at the various take-out containers that covered their coffee table, he decided to branch out a little.

And bit straight into a chilli.

He couldn’t feel his tongue, his eyes immediately streaming as he began choking. Sigrun laughed at his misfortune, stumbling up to get him a glass of milk while wiping tears from her eyes. Mikkel simply shook his head at him and made sure Emil hadn’t actually eaten the chilli, while Tuuri and Lalli hid their laughter behind their hands. Emil narrowed his eyes at them while he guzzled the milk Sigrun handed to him. _Traitors_.

Once Emil could feel his face again, he picked everything red off his plate and dumped it onto his paper towel. Not this time, you red devils. His eyes were still watering, but not so badly as to blur his vision. With as much grace as he could muster, he continued eating.

Until he noticed Lalli staring at him. Uncertain, Emil slowly lowered his fork and looked down at himself. Had he spilled something-

Oh, _bastard_! He had!

His face burned and almost turned as red as it did when he’d eaten the chilli, and he quickly excused himself to get another paper towel to wipe his shirt down.

How embarrassing!

Once they’d all finished eating, Emil helped with putting the leftovers away. Mostly to keep himself away from Lalli, who kept _staring at him_. It made him feel slightly self-conscious. Had he spilled something down himself again? Was something on his face?

Tuuri came in with the empty cartons. “Are you okay?” She asked Emil when she saw him standing still at the side, both hands braced on the counter top. “Did you eat another chilli?”

Emil hastily shook his head. “No, no. I’m fine.” He assured her, ensuring the lid was properly on a takeout box and shoving it into the fridge. “Honestly.”

“Is Lalli staring at you again?” Tuuri asked with embarrassment. “I’m sorry, he does that a lot. He’s probably waiting for you to do something again.”

“It’s fine.” Emil assured her. He felt a little better now he knew why Lalli was continuing to stare – he was probably waiting for Emil to spill food down his front again.

Ugh.

Sure enough, when he came back and sat on the sofa, Lalli didn’t spare him much more than a glance.

* * *

 

Their courses weren't so bad, they supposed.

The introductory week went by as expected: very easy. The course was simply outlined, and then some of the basic subject matter was touched upon to ease them into it.

Week two was a little harder. They were getting deeper into the subject, building on old concepts they'd done at A-level. Nothing too spectacular. Week three was the same, as was week four. Manageable. They could do this.

But then came week 5. Reports and essays were due, class tests were on the horizon; work was to be done. While Mikkel and Sigrun didn't even seem to be fazed in the slightest by the abrupt change in pace, the two simply breezing through it while relaxing with their laptops on their knees and a mug of coffee clasped in their hand, a pen in their free one, Tuuri, Emil, and Lalli did not fare so well. Tuuri spent most of her time at university, knuckling down in the library and in her various study groups (no one knew quite how she'd found the things), Lalli simply quietly studied and read various journals and books, scrunching his hands in his hair and sometimes ripping it out when he got too overwhelmed, while Emil suffered.

Why did he pick this degree? Why? He should have done something else. Philosophy would have been better. Then again, Mikkel was on that course. He couldn't have that. Perhaps a History degree then. Much better. Or even a language degree.

If he saw one more state symbol, he was going to punch himself out and throw himself off the roof. Possibly while gnawing off his own leg.

His saving grace came in the form of a classmate. Oona was a pretty brown haired girl with the biggest green eyes Emil had ever seen. She had approached him after one particularly gruelling lecture and had suggested that they study together some time, which was why Oona was going home with him that day.

Emil unlocked the front door and let Oona in before him. She thanked him as she slipped her shoes off and shook the snow from her hood.

"Would you like anything to drink?" Emil asked her as he walked into the kitchen, rubbing at his hands to fight off the worst of the cold.

"Tea would be lovely."

Emil grabbed the fruity teas down, selecting the cinnamon apple flavour before putting the kettle on to boil. He took out two mugs before dumping in the teabags.

"So what topic should we start on?" Emil conversationally asked as Oona slipped into a seat at the kitchen table, taking her textbook and phone out of her bag.

"I'm struggling a little on the environmental side. Could we start on that area?"

"Sounds good to me." He replied as the kettle clicked, signalling it was done. He poured out the hot water, gave them a stir, and put them onto the kitchen table with a little tea bag plate in between them. Oona thanked him as she flicked through the pages of her textbook.

Lalli peered in from the living room. He was sprawled out under a blanket on the settee, peeking out over the arm with narrowed eyes. Who was this stranger? Why was she with Emil? What was she doing here?

He had zero intention of moving to find out, however.

Tuuri, on the other hand, did not seem to get the message of 'do not disturb us' and tromped straight into the kitchen. She acted surprised when she saw Oona as if she hadn't been intently watching them walking down the path towards their house, and listening in on their conversation for the past five minutes.

"Oh!" She had mock gasped, hand fluttering to her chest, "I'm sorry I didn't realise you were here! You must be Oona, I'm Tuuri."

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Oona replied, pausing in her note taking.

"Likewise. I'll just grab some juice and leave you be."

Oona simply got back to taking her notes. Tuuri grabbed some apple juice and went back into the living room, drawing the curtain that separated the two rooms and blocking off Lalli's line of sight.

"Hey!" He hissed at her.

"It's rude to stare." She simply hissed back. "I grabbed you some juice, I know you haven't had anything to drink today." She placed the juice beside Lalli on the floor. "It's apple."

Lalli grumbled a thank you.

This seemed to satisfy Tuuri, as she retreated into her room. Lalli could hear her furiously tapping away on her keyboard and could only assume she was engrossed in her gossip circles again, nattering away to others who seemed to care about this kind of drivel.

Although, Lalli silently admitted to himself, he did also quite enjoy a bit of gossip now and then. Emil? Desperately so.

He didn't know about Mikkel, though. It felt as though he would relish in gossip, however Lalli had never seen him actively pursue it at all.

Lalli wrapped the blanket tightly around his shoulders and squeezed his eyes shut, willing the voice of the stranger to stop and vanish.

* * *

 

Tuuri would scold him terribly for this, he knew, but he couldn't stay in there. The stranger was unsettling, very very unsettling, and he did not like her. Not one little bit!

So, of course, he ran. He ran and he ran and he ran.

His arms were sore from where he'd picked and scratched at them, drawing blood and ripping skin. It would be sensitive for a few days, he knew, but he couldn't bring himself to be too bothered by it.

The cold bit at his feet, rain soaking him through to the bone. The flimsy coat he'd thought to bring with him as he clambered out the window wasn't doing much in the way of warmth, but it kept the worst of the cold out and it did keep his upper body dry. His shoes were sodden and heavy, however, and he had little faith that they'd be the same when they dried out.

When Lalli finally looked up, he found that he'd ran into the park. It was a good 20 minute walk from the apartment - 10 if you ran like he did - so he was fairly confident that he wouldn't be found so soon. The trees offered some solace from the rain, so Lalli found a bench that was placed under one, and perched on the damp surface. He curled himself up into a ball, tucking his legs under his coat, rested his forehead against his knees, and began to hum.

His phone vibrated in his pocket. He ignored it.

His phone vibrated again, more insistent. He ignored it.

A few moments passed, and Lalli thought he was finally going to be left alone, when his phone vibrated again. And again. And again, in a rhythm. Someone was trying to call him. Groaning, Lalli wriggled his phone out of his wet pocket and looked at the caller ID. Tuuri.

Lalli considered putting the phone back in his pocket, but decided not to. He simply stared at his screen, wondering what to do, when the call dropped.

Oops.

With numb fingers, he gingerly unlocked his phone and went to call Tuuri back. Evidently she had beaten him to it, as not even a second after he had fumbled in his passcode did his phone start vibrating with a call again.

Gingerly, he answered.

The Finnish that spilled out of his phone would have put every sailor that graced this docks at home to shame. She sounded like she'd been crying.

"Lalli!" She gasped once she'd finished her furious tirade, "Where are you?!"

"Outside." He replied. His teeth were chattering.

"Why? Why did you run away?"

"That stranger was weird. Didn't want to be near her."

"Don't be rude." Tuuri scoffed. "Come home. Now."

"Is she still there?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then no." Lalli replied before putting the phone down. He could almost hear the offended sound Tuuri would have squawked in indignation.

He put his phone onto do not disturb and crammed it back into his pocket, returning to his previous position. Streetlights around him began to flicker, the wind picking up slightly.

Maybe he shouldn't have gone so far. His legs felt like lead and his head swam. If anyone tried to start anything with him, Lalli wasn't sure if he'd be able to get away or even put up some kind of resistance. Nobody would be nearby to help him, or even to hear him.

"-li!"

Lalli twitched. Who was shouting at this time?

"-alli!" The voice sounded closer now, and he could hear rapid footsteps. Someone was running towards him.

Lalli shrunk in on himself, willing them to run straight past him.

"Lalli!"

They were calling his name. Lalli strained to hear them again.

"Lalli! Where are you?!"

Emil. It was Emil. He chewed on his lip. He didn't want Emil to find him like this, to see him shaking this hard, his body frozen and his fingers turning blue from the cold. He didn't want that, he didn't want that at all.

But, alas, the universe was a jackass. Emil audibly gasped when his eyes fell on Lalli, his hands raised as he was about to shout his name again. His chest heaved with every breath he took, panting heavily from running so hard.

" _Lalli_! Oh gods, Lalli!" Emil ran over to him, his hands shaking for entirely different reasons. "Are you okay?"

Lalli shook his head, teeth clattering together.

"Do you want to go home?"

He shook his head again.

"Can I sit next to you?"

Lalli paused for a moment before slowly nodding. Emil carefully sat next to him, making sure to leave space between them. He knew Lalli was weird about physical contact - if he wanted it, he'd initiate it. If it was uninvited it'd be shrugged off with a sour look and a low grumble.

"Oona's gone now." Emil said quietly, quiet enough for Lalli to pretend he hadn't heard if he had wanted to.

"She's unsettling." Lalli replied, voice muffled by his knees. Emil had to strain his voice to hear it.

"How so?"

"I don't know." Lalli scrunched his face up even though Emil wouldn't be able to see it. "Something is off about her."

Emil felt inclined to agree, his face heating up as he remembered what she'd said and done before she left. He could dwell on that later, though.

"I don't think she'll be over again any time soon." Emil replied.

Lalli suddenly felt incredibly guilty. Was it his fault? Did Emil now think he couldn't have friends because of him?

A gust of wind whistled in the trees behind them, shaking branches and showering them in more rain and sodden leaves. Emil made a disgusted sound while Lalli snorted with laughter into his knees. He peeled his face off the damp fabric to look up at Emil, mirth glittering in his eyes as he watched the Swede peeling wet leaves from his face and out his hair with a look of pure distaste.

He reached out and gently brushed one out of Emil's hair with his fingers, careful to not stare at Emil. Tuuri had told him it was wrong to stare at people, so he wouldn't do it.

It did make him notice how much Emil was trembling, though. And that Emil wasn't even wearing a coat - simply the thin jumper he wore inside. It looked as though Emil had just tugged on his shoes and ran.

He felt terrible.

"I think I'm okay to go home now." Lalli quietly said as he glanced at Emil's face, internally cringing at how pale it was, and at the smear of purple on his lips. He was very, very cold.

Emil nodded and the two walked back together, Emil nattering away to Lalli despite the lack of response the other was giving.

Once back home, Emil shoved Lalli into the downstairs bathroom and had told him to strip from his wet clothes and shower before disappearing upstairs. Not wanting to talk to anyone else - especially Tuuri - Lalli did as told. Emil came back a few moments later and knocked on the door before coming in. Lalli was already in the shower, so Emil left the clothes he'd brought on the toilet seat before leaving.

When Lalli came out he felt much, much better. He was warm, he could feel his feet again, and he found himself wanting to talk to Tuuri. Anyone else would still bother him, though. Family. He was fine with family.

As he towelled his hair dry, he peeked over at the clothes Emil had brought. At the top, front and centre, was a hoodie he didn't recognise, but there were Swedish words on it, which only lead him to assume that it was Emil's hoodie. Lalli wondered why he'd bring that, but ultimately decided to not think too much about it.

The hoodie was at least three sizes too big for Emil, which meant it was absolutely drowning Lalli. There was more hoodie than Lalli.

He tugged on the pyjama bottoms Emil had grabbed from the drier (he could tell - they still smelled strongly of their detergent) and grabbed his slippers before cautiously opening the bathroom door.

No one was in the kitchen.

Good.

He slipped out, wriggling his foot into his slipper, and made his way to Tuuris room.

Sure enough, there she was, curled up in bed clinging to her pillow like it was the only thing on Earth. He carefully perched on the end of her bed.

"I'm sorry for running like that." Lalli said.

Tuuri suddenly sat up, almost throwing her pillow to the floor.

"Wh-when did you get back?!" She cried, throwing her arms around him and hugging him tightly. Lalli wanted to wriggle away and re-establish some distance but he knew it was futile, so he simply accepted it.

"About half an hour ago. Emil made me shower."

"Emil found you?" Tuuri asked. "I thought he was taking Oona home?"

Lalli just shrugged. Like he'd know.

"Oh well," she continued, "it doesn't matter. You're home now. I'm so sorry I shouted at you, I was so scared." Her hands tightened on Lalli's shoulders.

Lalli simply hugged her back for a few moments before wriggling away. Tuuri reluctantly let him go.

“Please, please don’t do that again.” Tuuri sniffed. Lalli noticed the tear tracks on her cheeks.

“I wont.” Lalli promised.

“We’ll talk about this in the morning.” Tuuri wiped at her eyes. “Go to bed, okay? Get some sleep.”

Lalli bid her goodnight before leaving. He meandered into the living room to see if he could find Emil, and instead found Sigrun and Mikkel.

“Hey, Twig! Where’d you run off to?” Sigrun asked. She had asked it casually, but the look in her eye and the way she held herself told Lalli that she was far from impressed with him and that the wrong answer would get him into a _lot_ of trouble.

“The park.” Lalli truthfully replied. “Needed some air.”

“Next time, let us know, yeah?” She cheerfully replied. She turned back to her book and continued to tap her pen on her lip.

Lalli walked towards his room, but paused at the staircase.

Was it worth apologising to Emil, too?

Maybe he’d go in under the guise of giving back the blanket.

He retrieved the blanket from where he’d stashed it under his bed and went upstairs, gently knocking on Emil’s door before letting himself in.

Emil was leaning against his bedpost, breathing heavily with a huge bottle of water in his hand. He had a thin sheen of sweat on him, and Lalli almost thought that he should have waited before coming in until he saw the padded mat on the floor and he realised that Emil had been working out. It clicked in his head. Army. Of course he’d be working out.

“Thanks for this.” Lalli said, putting the blanket down on Emils bed. The other watched him carefully, hair sticking to his forehead and neck.

“Don’t mention it.” Emil replied before gulping down some water. Lalli paused by the door for a moment as he steeled his nerves.

“Thanks for… finding me.” He quickly glanced at Emil to see the other staring back at him with bright eyes before he felt his nerves fall out of him straight through the floor, and he bolted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel Emil, I've just done my winter exams and oh my god just end my life. Next semester is savage, too. I don't think I'll come out of this the same.  
> Don't fret if you're wondering where Braidy is! He's coming, I promise.  
> As a treat to myself, I'm going back to Amsterdam! I'm really excited to see how much has changed in the decade I haven't been there. If Jamin is no longer by the Leidseplein I'm going to riot!


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick update before I fall off the face of the planet for a lil' bit. Home time for this lil' chook.

Lalli dug his hands deep into his pockets as he waited for Tuuri to leave her lecture.

It was Friday afternoon, exactly three days since the _incident_. She had seemed to have forgotten about their promise to talk about it, which suited Lalli just fine. He wasn’t sure if he even had the words for it, in Finnish or not. His mind went back to Emil’s hoodie, still stashed safely under his bed. The fabric inside of it felt delightful against his fingers, and Emil had insisted that he could keep it for a little longer if he wanted to. The blanket had returned into his possession too after Emil had caught Lalli snooping around for it yesterday. He didn’t ask many questions about it.

The hallway was relatively empty apart from a few people hovering around, waiting for their own lectures to start, and a handful of people sitting on the coffee stained sofas clustered around a sticky table. One of them held a sketchpad bigger than they were, and they were furiously scribbling away. Every so often, they’d peek over the top of the pad and glance at Lalli before continuing to scribble. He tried to ignore it. They probably weren’t looking at him, he was just being paranoid-

They had eye contact.

Yup. They were drawing him.

He wasn’t entirely sure how to feel about that.

His saving grace was unexpected and certainly wanted. He heard him before he saw him, the gibberish that he called his native language making Lalli perk up immediately.

Emil? Was it Emil? He could hide behind him. Emil wouldn’t mind, he wouldn’t ask annoying questions.

Then he saw the blond hair and the stupid boots Emil insisted on wearing when it rained, and the Swedish became clearer. Lalli still didn’t understand a single word of it, but he knew for definite that his mind wasn’t playing tricks, and Emil was walking straight towards him. He was on the phone, happily nattering away, but he paused when he looked up and saw Lalli. A grin split on Emil’s face, and he quickly said something in Swedish that sounded like an excuse of some kind and he stashed his phone into his pocket before walking towards Lalli with purposeful strides.

“Lalli! I didn’t think you’d be here.” Emil said, stopping just in between Lalli and the person who was drawing him. Lalli shifted slightly so he was almost totally obscured from view.

“Waiting for Tuuri.” He replied, peeking over Emils shoulder to glare at the person with the sketchpad. They didn’t seem to notice, their eyes still glued to the page as their pencil continued to scratch away. Emil threw a glance over his shoulder to see what had Lallis attention.

“Who’re you glaring at?”

“The one with a sketchpad. They wont stop staring at me.”

“Take it as a compliment.”

“I don’t want to be stared at.”

Emil shifted slightly to better obscure Lalli from view. “This better?”

Lalli nodded. It was still kind of hard to hide; Emil was shorter than him, and he wasn’t about to bend his knees just to sink down a few inches. It’d have to do.

“So are you and Tuuri going anywhere together?” Emil asked. Lalli shook his head.

“Just going home.” He simply replied, “We were going to go to the fair but apparently it’s too wet.” Lalli sounded somewhat bitter.

“You wanted to go?”

“I’ve never been to one.”

A plan slowly started forming in his head. The fair was apparently a yearly event; when the days started to get shorter and the nights unforgivingly cold, the fair would rock up in the park nearby and stay there for a few weeks. When they walked home, they could see the bright lights illuminating the night and could faintly hear the music.

“We could still go.” Emil replied.

“Tuuri would complain. It’s irritating.”

“Just means she cares.”

“It’s still irritating.”

Emil didn’t know how to reply to that, so he simply shrugged. “How long have you been waiting here?”

“A while. She’s meant to be out soon.”

“We should go sit down.” Emil gestured to the seating area behind him. The sketchbook was now abandoned on the table, the person holding it typing away on their phone a mile a minute. Almost everyone else who was sat there had now left, evidenced by abandoned paper coffee cups and random bits of coloured plastic. Lalli scrunched his nose up at the litter, but followed Emil over. The Swede was careful to place himself between Lalli and the other person.

Lalli pulled his phone out as he tucked his knees under his chin, unlocking it with his thumb before opening up an app and fiddling around with it. Emil leaned over his shoulder and watched.

“I’ve found the perfect couple for you.” The other person excitedly said. They both jumped and glanced over to see that they were on the phone, excitedly chattering away to their phone. “I did some sketches – yes I’ll send them to you – do you want me to get their deets now?”

Emil and Lalli shared a look. Lalli slowly put his phone back into his pocket and looked as though he were about to bolt. Emil grabbed onto his sleeve.

“Traitor!” Lalli hissed into his ear.

The other person looked away from their phone to where the pair had been standing just moments ago and faltered. “Aw, dang!” They slapped their knee in frustration, before their eyes fell onto Emil and Lalli.

“Oh! Hi!” They chirped, extending their hand towards them. “Sorry, this is totally awkward isn’t it? I’m a fine arts student, and we have to do a photography project. You two fit the bill perfectly.”

Emil firmly shook their hand, an easy-going smile gracing his face. “I’m Emil,” He introduced himself before gesturing to Lalli, who was now hiding behind Emil as best he could while glaring over his shoulder, “and this is Lalli. I’m sorry he’s glaring, he’s not too fond of strangers.”

“Understandable, it’s a pleasure to meet you both.” They laughed. “Oh, I haven’t even told you my name! I’m Dylan.”

“Likewise. So, you want us,” Emil gestured between the two of them, “to help you with your project?”

“Yes, please.” Dylan perked up. “My partner Sophie is the photographer of us, so she’ll be the one taking your photos, but I’ll be there too!”

“I’m up for that.” Emil said, smoothing his hair. He hoped it didn’t look too windswept. He glanced down at Lalli who was staring back with accusing eyes that screamed ‘ _how dare you_!’

“And Lalli?” Dylan asked, leaning over slightly to get a better look at Lalli. Lalli remained silent.

“Still thinking about it.” Emil said after a beat of silence. “Do you have a contact number?”

Dylan rummaged in their bag and took out two slips of cardboard, handing them both to Emil. “Both of our numbers and an email to contact us with!” Dylan happily chirped. “I’ve gotta dash to my seminar, give us a ring! See you around, Emil, Lalli.” Dylan picked up their sketchpad and bag in one fluid movement before running down the hall, dialling a number on their phone and excitedly squealing down the line.

“You know them?” Tuuri asked, leaning against the arm of the sofa Lalli was currently squashed up against Emil on.

“I have no idea who they are.” Lalli grumbled.

“They want us to model for them.” Emil looked up at Tuuri with a look of wonder, and she swore she could see him sparkling.

“Any idea why?”

“They said we look the part.” Emil proudly replied, fluffing his hair. He preened proudly while Lalli just snorted at him, hopping up to his feet.

“I don’t wanna do it.”

Emil made a crestfallen sound.

“It’ll be good for you.” Tuuri tried to bargan with him.

“Don’t care.”

“Well…” Tuuri uncertainly looked at Emil, the sparkles gone and his hair looking a little flatter, “I wont make you. Are you guys ready to go home?”

The three walked home together, Lalli with his headphones on while Tuuri and Emil chatted together. Emil found himself looking wistfully at the fairground, and glanced behind him to see Lalli doing the same. Tuuri was busy fiddling with her umbrella instead and completely missed it, swearing to herself in Finnish as she tried to get the mechanism unjammed.

The plan solidified in Emil's mind. He was going, and he'd drag Lalli if he had to. Screw it, he'd _carry_ him.

Once they were home, Tuuri immediately dumped her things in her room and changed into her pyjamas. Lalli put his things back into his room, and gave Emil a questioning look when they grabbed onto his sleeve.

"Don't get changed, we're going."

"Going where?"

"The fair. I know you want to go."

Lalli wistfully looked out the window where the colourful lights could faintly be seen on the horizon.

"I do..." Lalli quietly said.

"Then give me a moment to put this in my room, then we can go." Emil said as he released Lalli. Lalli nodded as Emil grinned at him before darting upstairs.

A few moments later he came back down. "You ready?"

The Finn nodded.

They slipped their shoes on in unison, promised Sigrun and Tuuri that they’d win something for them, and headed out. They passed Mikkel on the way who made them promise to be back in time for dinner.

Entry to the fairground was free to students, thankfully, but the rides were extortionately expensive. £2 for thirty seconds? No, thank you!

Lalli didn’t seem to care though, completely uninterested in the rides. He gripped onto Emil’s sleeve as the two walked around, the cotton candy the Swede had bought in Lalli’s free hand. His eyes were bright as he looked around, occasionally having a nibble of the sweet treat.

“We could go on the Ferris Wheel,” Emil said, pointing up at the bright object, “The line’s not too long, and we’d be able to see our house from the top.”

“Sounds fun.” Lalli replied, letting Emil guide him over to the queue.

Lalli handed Emil the money for his ticket, and when they reached the front of the queue Emil paid for their tickets and hopped into the carriage. Lalli climbed in after him, slightly uncertain.

The ride attendants stared at them, leaning over and whispering to each other. He thought he saw their mouths work over the word ‘date’, and he quickly buried his face into his scarf to hide how his cheeks began burning.

This wasn’t a date. This couldn’t be a date.

Lalli looked over at Emil, surrounded by bright colourful lights with a huge grin on his face. He didn't know what was brighter, the smile illuminating Emil's face or the fairy lights that rimmed the carriage.

It could be a date.

"I think..." He began, burying his face into his scarf, "I can do the photo thing. If I'm with you."

"Really?!" Emil excitedly replied, almost jumping on the spot. Lalli nodded. The carriage rocked a little.

"Only if I'm with you." He quickly insisted.

"I-I'll let them know." Emil cheesily grinned up at him. "Thank you, Lalli."

Emil took out his phone to let Dylan know and glanced at the time.

"Oh, shit, we'd better get home after this. It's pretty late."

Mikkel was going to be cooking _them_ for dinner if they weren’t home soon. As soon as the ride ended, the two sped off and away, cramming as much candyfloss into their mouths as they could as they speed walked home. And if Lalli held onto Emils hand as they walked? No one mentioned it.

* * *

The next day found Emil sitting in the uni café, a half-drunk mocha next to him as he poured over his notes and flicked through his textbooks. Exams were still a good few months away, but it never hurt to be prepared.

His earphones were tightly in his ears, music softly playing to block out the general sounds of the café.

The door opened, and a familiar brunette waltzed in.

"Oh, hi Emil!" Oona skipped over to him, almost spilling her tea. "Thanks for letting me come over a couple days ago. It was really helpful, I hope we can do it again some time."

Emil looked up from his notebook, taking out an earphone and politely smiling at her.

"It was, wasn't it? I'm sorry we had to cut it off before we started to get into it." He replied as he paused his music. "I was just going over some of the lecture notes."

Oona slipped into the seat opposite him. "Can I take a look?"

Emil slid over the pages he'd already scoured over as he returned back to reading his notes, finding pages in the text book that linked to what he'd written.

The university cafe had a low hum of chatter rippling through it, with students coming and going to get their caffeine and carb fix. Oona took out a small pot of pasta as she scrawled down page numbers on her own notes.

Oona had busied herself with making notes from the textbook when Lalli wondered into the cafe, an iced coffee from the corner shop clasped in his hand. When he spotted Emil, he made a beeline for him before leaning on the back of his chair, burying his face into the fur of Emil's hood.

"Hi Lalli," Emil ruffled the top of Lalli's head, earning him a sound of displeasure, "did you want to sit down?"

Lalli nodded his head before slowly sliding into the seat next to Emil, leaning heavily against him as his eyes squeezed shut. God, he was so tired.

"Pull another all nighter?"

Lalli could only nod. He was too tired for words.

"I'll make you coffee when we get home."

"Latte." Lalli simply replied, mouth barely moving.

A few moments later, Oona ripped a page from her notebook and handed it to Emil.

"I got hold of that obscure paper the lecturer was on about, I made you a copy of my notes." Oona dashed a line under a reference. "This is the reference for it."

"Thanks, that's very helpful." Emil flicked through the pages, silently admiring her neat handwriting. "These will be good for the report."

"Glad to be of help, it's the least I could do." Oona smiled into her tea before quickly glancing at Lalli. He was still leaning against Emil, arms lightly crossed over his chest as his eyelids fluttered shut every few moments, the man jerking himself awake every few moments. He looked exhausted.

She frowned slightly before quickly smoothing it over and taking a sip of her now lukewarm tea. She struggled to not pull a face. _Gross_.

Her phone chimed, and she fished it out of her bag to see what it was trying to tell her.

"Oh, shit!" She cursed, quickly grabbing her notebook and hastily stuffing it into her bag. "I'm sorry, something's come up at the flat, I gotta dash." She stood up, knocking her knees onto the table. With little more than a grimace she quickly sped away, her phone now pressed into her ear.

Emil tidied up the table a little bit before silently getting back to work. Lalli let his bones turn to jelly as he rag-dolled against him.

"She left her tea."

Emil just hummed, slowly turning the page of his textbook.

Lalli frowned.

With a sound of displeasure, Lalli peeled himself off Emil's shoulder, grabbed his drink, and strode away. Tuuri would liken it to a toddlers tantrum - he knew she would, he could practically hear her saying that - but unless Emil mentioned it to her she wouldn't know and so he wouldn't be getting a lecture about it.

* * *

 

Tuuri looked up from the coffee table when she heard someone come in the front door. Lalli looked positively thunderous and didn’t even offer her a hello as he beelined for his room. Deciding it was best to let him have his tantrum, Tuuri remained at the coffee table and counted down the minutes.

One.

She turned the page of her book.

Two.

Notes were scrawled onto a page, her pen gliding smoothly on the paper.

Three.

A quote was copied down.

Four.

Tuuri glanced at Lalli’s door before looking over at the kitchen. She wondered if they had any cookies left.

Five.

Tuuri pushed herself to her feet, abandoning her studying in favour of her cousin. She found a selection of biscuits, including the packet of Maryland cookies that she’d managed to hide away from Lalli’s thieving fingers, and quietly opened Lalli’s bedroom door.

A pair of bright blue eyes stared at her from under the bed.

Tuuri walked over and sat on the mattress, the selection of cookies set out next to her. She glanced around the room and noticed Emil’s hoodie crumpled on the floor on the other side of the room, and his blanket flung hap-hazardly over the desk chair.

Curious.

She plucked a biscuit from her selection and dangled it down by Lalli’s face.

“Are”

Nimble hands plucked it from her grasp.

“You”

She offered another one, a custard cream this time. It was ignored, so she swapped it out for a cookie.

“Okay?”

The cookie was swiped from her hands before she’d even properly offered it to him. She could hear him crunching away on it, silently mulling over his answer.

“No.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“… Okay.” Lalli crawled out from under the bed and sat down next to Tuuri. “Why does Oona always have to be around Emil?”

“She still unsettles you?”

“She’s like a negative space.” Lalli replied, tucking his knees under his chin and hugging his legs to himself. “It’s draining to be around her.”

“What’s this got to do with your strop with Emil?” Tuuri pointed to the clothes strewn around the room. Lalli felt his ears burn.

“He doesn’t notice!” Lalli picked at the seam of his jeans, “I don’t understand, it’s so obvious.”

“Maybe to you it is,” Tuuri gently pinched his ears, “But to people like Emil? Not so obvious. He’s a Swede, they’re pretty dense.”

Lalli gnawed on his index finger. “I don’t like it.”

“Is there anything you could do to ward her away?” Tuuri asked.

Lalli frowned. “I’m not sure. Onni hasn’t taught me about keeping people away.”

“It may be worth asking him.” Tuuri fussed his hair before smoothing it back down again. “You look tired. Want to borrow my hot water bottle?”

Lalli nodded, and while Tuuri set about boiling the kettle, Lalli pulled Emil’s hoodie back on and wrapped the blanket around himself as he crawled under his bed. Tuuri came in a few moments later and simply slid the hot water bottle over to him before wriggling under, kissing his forehead, and drawing his curtains for him.

“I’ll make sure there’s food for you when you wake up.” Tuuri promised as she quietly shut the door.

When Sigrun got back from the gym and was about to loudly slam her bag onto the kitchen table, Tuuri quickly rushed over and shushed her, pointing at her cousins bedroom door. “He’s finally asleep.” She quietly said. Sigrun raised an eyebrow at this but nodded all the same, quietly putting her bag onto the floor instead as she went to get a glass of water.

“Have you seen Mikkel around?” Sigrun asked between gulps. Tuuri shook her head.

“I think he’s still in a lecture, he took a first aid course too. Did you need to talk to him about something?”

“The landlady said something about an inspection, wanted to double check it with him.”

“An inspection?!” Tuuri squeaked. Oh no, oh no!

“Nothing major,” Sigrun waved her off, “Just a little nose around.”

“Oh, gods,” Tuuri raked her fingers through her hair, “do you know when?”

“This weekend or something.” Sigrun put her glass in the sink.

“It is the weekend!” Tuuri melted to the floor. “We’d better tidy up.”

“It’ll be fine.” Sigrun clapped her on the shoulder. “Come on, up you get, the floor isn’t a good look for you.”

Tuuri begrudgingly allowed herself to be pulled to her feet. “Promise me you’ll help me make the place tidy.”

“Captains honour.” Sigrun replied.

A few hours later, Mikkel returned and confirmed Tuuris fears. The Landlady was coming for an inspection. He looked as though he were about to continue and add something of some importance when Sigrun had interrupted him and started directing people to jobs they could do. At the commotion Lalli had stuck his head out of his room, the hood of Emil’s hoodie pulled tight to his face so only his nose could be seen. Sigrun promptly gave him guard duty.

When Emil finally dragged himself home, hands trembling from both cold and caffeine, Sigrun shoved a washing up bowl filled with a pair of rubber gloves, a sponge, a jaycloth and a few bottles of bathroom cleaner towards him and pointed him at the bathroom.

You. Emil. Clean. Now.

Emil resigned himself to his fate as he took off his coat and shoes, pulling on the rubber gloves and steeling himself for what was to come.

“She’s not even going to be here until tomorrow!” Emil whined as he struggled to get the small gloves over his calloused hands, “Why are we cleaning _now_?”

“It’ll be easier to quickly wipe everything down in the morning than to get up super early to clean it all.” Sigrun replied. “So Emil, no dying your hair or whatever.”

“This is natural.” Emil scoffed.

“You get my point. Don’t make a mess.”

Sigrun often left zero room for argument, so Emil began to clean the downstairs bathroom. He could faintly hear a hoover upstairs – probably Mikkel. He’d seen Tuuri slaving away with a duster and Sigrun was tackling the frying pan with a scourer that had probably seen better days.

Lalli, however, was nowhere to be seen. He felt kind of guilty when Lalli stormed of, and no matter what he did he couldn’t work out what he’d done wrong. Perhaps he had accidentally snubbed him when he pointed something out (Emil honestly couldn’t remember what he’d said, much to his own annoyance) but that had never been enough for Lalli to storm away before.

There had to be something.

By the time Emil had finished scrubbing both bathrooms until they sparkled, his hands were raw and his eyes were streaming from the sting of chemical.

With a sigh, he collapsed onto the sofa in the living room, his hands now free from the rubber gloves that had clung to them too tightly and had rubbed terribly. His knees were sore. He gingerly rubbed them, silently cursing to himself as they complained.

Cold fingers worked their way into his hair behind his ears before ruffling it and straightening it out. Emil stopped and looked behind him to see someone in his hoodie, a paper white nose poking out from the scrunched up face hole.

“Hi Lalli.” Emil greeted him. No one else had a face that pale.

The face hole was wiggled open, Lalli looking down at Emil with bright eyes. He looked down at Emil’s hands and at how sore they looked, skin broken and peeling in places. Nose crinkling, he slid down next to Emil and took his hands into his own, gently touching around the edges. Emil winced and audibly hissed, but didn’t protest too much.

“Gently, please.”

Lalli dropped the hands into Emil’s lap and returned a moment later with Mikkel, whom he pushed into the sofa next to Emil and pointed at the Swedes hands.

Mikkel and Emil shared a look. Emil simply shrugged and presented his hands to the Dane.

“They look sore. Did you get any chemical on them?”

“No! Of course not, who do you think I am?” Emil scoffed.

“An idiot.” Mikkel thought, but he knew better than to voice that aloud. He had to be _nice_. So he settled on a diplomatic “Use sudocrem and keep them clean, they’ll be fine unless they get infected. Then your hands will fall off.”

Emil looked horrified as the Dane left, walking back into the kitchen to continue preparing dinner.

“Was he being serious?!” He harshly whispered to Lalli, eyes wide. Lalli shrugged. Like he’d know.

When Mikkel summoned them all in to the kitchen to collect their plates, they tried to remember which Harry Potter they’d reached.

“I think it’s Deathly Hallows part one.” Tuuri said through a mouthful of rice.

“I could have sworn it was Order of the Phoenix!” Emil insisted, covering his face to stop any stray rice from hitting him.

Mikkel opened the DVD tray and the Order of the Phoenix stared back at him. Sigrun looked over his shoulder and barked out a laugh.

“Ha, you’re both wrong! It’s Half Blood Prince next!”

* * *

 

As the credits began to roll Mikkel stretched, his joints giving a loud _pop_! The others pretended to ignore it, bar Sigrun who had loudly snorted with laughter. When she stood up a moment later, her knee clicked. It was Mikkels turn to laugh at her.

While Mikkel cleaned up their dishes and tidied up the kitchen, Sigrun made a final sweep of the house to ensure it was tidy, nodded to herself, and went upstairs to do god knows what.

Tuuri yawned and stretched, arms thrown above her head and her back arching before she suddenly crumpled inwards, blinking owlishly. “I think I should go to bed, you guys gunna stay down?”

“I’ve had way too much coffee today to sleep any time soon.” Emil admitted, not proud of the fact.

“I’ve just slept.” Lalli replied.

“Don’t be too loud.” Tuuri said, patting Lalli on the shoulder before retreating into her room. Emil began surfing through the channels available when Sigrun bounced back downstairs again, a movie clasped firmly in her hands.

“We’re watching this.” She said, putting the DVD into the tray and pressing play. Emil made a sound of protest, mirrored by Lalli who’d been dislodged from his position on Emil’s shoulder when the other had lurched forward.

Oh, don’t be a wimp.” Sigrun scoffed, “It’s not that bad!”

Mikkel slowly sat down into an armchair with a steaming mug in his hands. “Are you traumatising them, Sigrun?” He asked.

“It’s just a little character building, is all.” She replied as she grinned wildly. Emil and Lalli shared a look as they got comfortable on the sofa, pulling the blanket closer to them.

The title screen came up. _28 days later._

“Oh, no,” Emil whimpered, “Really? Are we really watching this?”

“Yup!” Sigrun cackled. “Where’s Hot stuff? She can’t miss out on this team bonding session.”

“She’s sleeping. Let her.” Mikkel replied, taking a long sip of his drink. Sigrun seemed to accept that easy enough as she pressed play and leaned back in her chair, adjusting her hoodie.

“Can I get my pyjamas on?” Emil quietly asked.

“Too late now, pretty boy.”

Emil sunk back into the sofa cushions. Oh, this was not going to end well. Lalli’s hand sought out his own, and he could feel them fiddling with his fingers. The Finn rested his head on Emil’s shoulder, staring blankly at the screen.

If anyone noticed how tightly Lalli clung onto Emil’s jumper with his other hand, no one commented on it.

As the movie progressed, Lalli moved closer and closer to full on clinging to Emil, holding onto the other like a lifeline. Emil didn’t fare much better, with one hand being squeezed to death by Lalli, the other free hand was holding onto Lalli’s arm as if to ground himself. Whenever Lalli jumped he would hide his face in Emil’s shoulder until Emil told him it was okay to look again.

As the credits rolled, however, Lalli was almost in Emil’s lap, his face tucked against his neck as both of his hands almost bruised Emil with how hard he gripped him.

Sigrun found it quaint in an amusing way, but a firm hand on the shoulder courtesy of Mikkel stopped her from saying anything or from taking a photo for ‘memories’ (Read: Blackmail).

Emil was quick to run upstairs before Sigrun could rope him into any more horror movies, the two older adults watching him with bemused expressions. Lalli slowly slunk into his room after that.

Under his bed didn’t look quite so inviting at the moment.

Sigrun and Mikkel stayed downstairs, quietly chatting as they put on a documentary. When Lalli peeked out, he saw that it was about Gengis Khan. Part of him wanted to creep next to them and watch it too, but another part of him just wanted to sleep. He went back into his room, grabbed his phone, and changed into his pyjamas. After a moments consideration he put Emil’s hoodie back on.

Quietly as he could, he slipped out of his room and crept up the stairs. Emil was bundled up in his duvet, sitting up with his phone screen illuminating his face. Lalli crawled up onto the bed next to him.

Emil jumped at least a foot and shrieked, falling to the floor in shock. Lalli peered over the side of the bed at him, the Swede breathing heavily.

“L-Lalli! You can’t do that!”

Lalli huffed and allowed a ghost of a smile before he shuffled backwards and let Emil back onto the bed.

“You can’t sleep either?”

Lalli shook his head. “I don’t like horror movies.”

“I _hate_ zombies.” Emil grumbled as he gave some of the duvet to Lalli. “They freak me out.”

Lalli clambered over Emil and lay with his back firmly plastered against the wall. Emil began to protest when Lalli was on top of him, his face burning in a way that made him glad that the light wasn’t on, but all protest quickly died in his throat when the Finn wriggled himself onto the mattress.

Having someone else next to him wasn’t so bad, Emil supposed. Made it just a little less scary.

Lalli’s breathing evened out as he relaxed, his hands unclenching from their death grip on the sleeves of Emil’s hoodie as he fell asleep. Emil found himself quietly watching him, wishing that he found it that easy to fall asleep, when his phone vibrated.

**_Dylan_ ** _: Excellent! I’ll see you two tomorrow afternoon then!_

Oh, shoot! The photoshoot! He hadn’t even asked Lalli if he was free then…

Emil glanced down at the Finn, their eyes squeezed shut as their hands fumbled to find something to grab. They eventually found Emil’s t-shirt, and they squished their face against his arm.

**_Emil_ ** _: See you then (:_

He could always ask tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Windswept by Crywolf is like, my go-to song for Lalli/Emil.  
> I also realise that, due to some dialect differences, some people will probably be confused by some stuff I mention here. Sorry guys, I’m British scum.   
> Let me know what you thought!


	4. Chapter Four

Lalli woke up with a familiar ache deep in his bones.

It wasn’t the stiffness that happened when one spelt awkwardly, with crooked necks and legs bent at odd angles, it was a sensation that ran deep, deep beneath the surface, intertwined with his very core with teeth gnawing at his bones.

Lalli hated what it meant.

Blearily, he opened his eyes and made to rub at them when he realised that Emil wasn’t next to him. The bed was still warm where Emil had been before he’d closed his eyes and fallen asleep. Faintly, just by the door, he heard the rustle of fabric and he looked up in time to see Emil slip out the door.

Probably going to the bathroom.

Lalli tried to settle back down again, silently counting the seconds until Emil would come back and he could leech his warmth again. The bathroom door opened again, closed, and then…

Emil went down the stairs.

Frowning, Lalli slipped out of bed and crept after him, peering through the railings of the stairs to see what Emil was up to. The Swede was dressed in running clothes, using his phone as a torch to find his way through the house. Lalli silently padded after him, keeping himself hidden behind corners and furniture. Emil slipped on his trainers, made sure they were on tightly, and quietly slipped out the door. Lalli ran to the window to see Emil jog off into the direction of the park.

Weird.

Lalli slunk back upstairs and wriggled under Emil’s bed, dragging the duvet and the pillows down with him. He wriggled his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the time.

3:07am.

Who the _hell_ went for a _jog_ at this time in the morning?!

Emil was weird, Lalli decided. Very _very_ weird. Tuuri had lied; she’d insisted no one was going to be strange!

He’d managed to doze off again when Emil came back. He heard him quietly come into the bedroom and sigh when he realised that his duvet was no longer on his bed. A head covered with damp hair peered down, tired blue eyes meeting Lalli’s own grey ones.

Lalli eyed his hair suspiciously. He wasn’t going to soak him, was he?

“Did I wake you?” Emil softly asked, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“Where did you go?” Lalli asked, not moving. He was very very warm where he was.

“Just to the park.” Emil replied. “Can you come out?”

“You’re wet.” Lalli scrunched his face at him. “No.”

Emil stood, and Lalli heard him furiously scrubbing at his hair with a towel before he peered back under again, his hair a tangled mess.

“What about now?”

Lalli begrudgingly nodded and shuffled forwards, wriggling out from under the bed. Emil scooped up his covers and pillows before dumping them on his bed with a satisfied hum. “We’re due to meet Dylan and Sophie today, is that okay with you?”

Lalli thought to the report that was due. It could wait. “It’s okay.”

A few hours later saw the pair leaving the house, wrapped up warm in coats and scarves, with Emil clutching a travel cup of coffee.

Lalli didn’t ask why he’d left at 3am.

Dylan was incredibly excited to see them, almost dropping their pencil case on the ground when they spotted Emil coming around the corner. Excitedly waving them over, almost bouncing in place, they started rambling before they were within handshaking distance.

“I was so worried you’d get lost or forget or not come!” They squeaked, finally bouncing when they got closer. “Oh, I’m sorry, that probably came across as rude. Anyway, Sophie is waiting for us in the studio; we’ve got some clothes for you guys to wear too. Follow me!”

Dylan led them up a staircase and scanned their pass to let them into a dimly lit hallway, the door locking behind them. They assured them it was nothing to worry about, but Lalli still pressed closer to Emil none the less. Eventually, they turned right down a shorter hallway and opened the first door on their right.

A small studio was revealed to them, a white screen already set up with lights angled at it. A series of props were stacked to the side along with a collection of winter clothing.

“Hi guys!” A girl perched on a table chirped, a pencil in their hand and their wild curly hair scraped back into a bun. Their hair looked fit to burst free at any moment. “I’m Sophie, the photography one. Thanks so much for agreeing to do this! If you’d just like to sign these, then we can get started.”

“I’m Emil, and this is Lalli.” Emil replied, shaking her hand before taking the piece of paper that had been slid towards him and reading it. “Where should I stand?”

After they both signed the paper and shed their coats and scarves, Sophie directed them to where they should stand while Dylan worked on their poses. Once Sophie got behind the camera, she took a few photos and quietly showed them to Dylan while Lalli rubbed at his eyes.

“This hurts,” Lalli complained, “When can I go?”

“It’ll be over soon.” Emil replied, smoothing out his hair, “Just keep at it a bit longer, okay? I’ll buy you a hot cookie.”

“Two. I want two.”

“Deal.”

They both flinched when they heard the camera shutter go off again, Dylan shoving their hands over their mouth while their eyes positively sparkled, Sophie barely hiding a grin. “That was perfect!” She cheered. “Just ignore us, okay?”

Lalli made a disgruntled noise and hid behind Emil, peering over his shoulder as he narrowed his eyes at Sophie.

“Don’t think he’ll be able to do that,” Emil replied apologetically, “Was there something else you wanted us to do?”

Sophie nodded and with the help of Dylan, picked out a scarf each for them and pushed them to be standing back to back.

Lalli put up with his scarf for all of five minutes. It was far too scratchy for him, and before Dylan could stop him he’d stripped it off, thrown it back onto the clothes pile, and was wriggling himself into Emil’s.

“Lalli, no, I’ll fall over-“ Emil tried to protest, Lalli’s cheek firmly pressed against his as he managed to squeeze in too. Emil couldn’t help but laugh, arms holding onto Lalli’s arms as the two tried to balance before Emil slipped and lost his footing on the white fabric floor and toppled over, taking Lalli down with him.

They barely noticed the sound of the camera going off as Emil couldn’t help but laugh, Lalli allowing himself a smile as he picked himself up, leaning over Emil as the useless Swede laughed too hard to help untangle the scarf.

“Useless Swede.” Lalli muttered as he eventually got the scarf off, sitting on Emil’s thighs as he adjusted his own jumper.

“I think that’s enough for today,” Sophie said between laughs, “Is it okay if we get back in touch later? I’ll send you the photos that turned out well, too.”

“You sure?” Emil breathlessly replied, still splayed out on the floor. Sophie nodded.

“Yeah, we got some pretty good shots.”

“But all we did was fall over!”

“It was _majestic_.”

“Long as you’re sure.” Emil finally picked himself up, Lalli jumping up at the same time and immediately making a beeline for his coat.

“Cookies. Now.” Lalli said as he shrugged it on.

“There’s a pretty good cookie place not far from here,” Dylan said as they pulled out their phone and brought up a map. “Right here, on the corner.” They pointed to where it was.

“Thanks, we’ll try there.” Emil replied as he took the scarf off and put his own clothes on. Lalli was already out of the door, waiting for Emil at the security door at the end of the hallway. Emil was about to step out after him when Sophie quickly caught his shoulder.

“Your boyfriend left this!”

She handed him a phone before shooing him out before Emil could even get a word in. Face furiously flushed, Emil jogged after Lalli.

“You left your phone.” He managed to splutter out before opening the heavy door.

* * *

 

Lalli fiddled with his fingers as Emil ordered their cookies and drinks. Dylan had pointed them towards a cafe a stones throw from their university, tucked away behind a kids park and a small collection of trees. Lalli had immediately demanded the biggest cookies they had before finding a booth to sit in as Emil went to do his bidding.

Lalli watched as Emil pointed at the cookies Lalli wanted, fingers barely touching the glass case. He watched as Emil picked out a selection to bring home, and as he browsed the menu for drinks to get. He watched as the man behind the counter packed the takeaway bag, as they pumped syrups into mugs and turned on the machine behind him.

Emil walked over with the warm cookies before returning, paying, and bringing over their drinks.

"I got you a mocha with Black Forest syrup." Emil said as he placed the steaming mug in front of Lalli. "Enjoy your cookies."

Lalli took a sip before deciding that it was delicious, snapped a bit off one of the cookies, and dipped it in. Emil was preoccupied with his phone, one hand stirring his drink while the other scrolled through some photos.

"Oh, no," Emil groaned, "I'm far too red in this." He ignored his coffee in favour of typing. "They mustn't use it!"

"Use what?" Lalli asked between mouthfuls of mocha-soaked cookie.

"This photo!" Emil turned his phone and showed Lalli. It was one taken while they were sprawled out on the ground, Emil's head thrown back in laughter while Lalli was smiling down at him with one hand on the scarf and the other braced on his chest.

"It's nice."

"Don't you side with them too!"

Lalli shrugged and sipped on his mocha. "You look good."

Emil spluttered, almost knocking over his drink. "I look like a tomato!"

"A good tomato."

Emil simply grumbled and finally picked up his drink, taking a long sip of it. Lalli took the moment to carefully study Emil's face- his reliance on coffee couldn't be good. Was he sleeping enough?

"Sophie doesn't think we'll need to go in again, her professor loved the photos." Emil took another swig. "She wants to know if we're willing to model for her future projects, though."

"Will I get more cookies?"

"So many cookies."

"Deal."

"Your dentist will hate you." Emil replied as he typed back his reply. "How do they not hate you already?"

"Impeccable dental hygiene."

"I find that difficult to believe."

Lalli shrugged. "Not my problem."

It was a fair enough answer. Emil continued to sip on his coffee, staring out at the world outside as he drank. His legs ached, he'd gone too far too fast on his jog this morning. The burning from simply walking was almost enough to make him need to sit down every so often, and going out to the photo shoot certainly didn't do him any favours. Despite the pain, he knew that it would be worth it in the end. Still hurt though. He'd have to be more careful the next morning.

"Emil?"

"Mmhm?"

"Why did you leave at 3 in the morning?"

Emil almost dropped his coffee. Oh, gods, here we go. What did he even say to that that wouldn't come across as weird, pathetic, or both?!

"Uhm, well, there are less people around then."

"But it's so early." Lalli frowned.

"A sacrifice I'm willing to make."

Lalli seemed to drop it as he returned to dunking his cookies into his mocha.

* * *

 

Reynir closed his laptop with a click and slid it back into his bag as his bus came to his stop. An old woman he recognised stood a few meters away, gloved hands clasped onto a bright pink handbag. He waved at her, not that she'd see it, and grabbed another bag from the overhead compartment before bounding to the front of the bus and asking the driver to pop the side open.

He dragged his suitcase out, extended the handle, and purposefully strode towards the old woman.

"Hello! Are you Mrs. Smith?"

"I am." The old lady replied, adjusting her hornrimmed glasses as she looked up at him. "Reynir, I trust?"

"Yup! It's good to meet you." Reynir held out his hand.

Mrs. Smith took it after a moments consideration and briefly shook it before she gestured for Reynir to follow her.

"Now there are already five others living there, so you won't be able to choose your room." She said as she pushed a button for the traffic lights. "I hope that's not too much of a problem."

"No, no, none at all!" Reynir happily replied. "I didn't expect to be able to choose."

"You _are_ joining rather late." She curiously turned to regard him. "Any reason why?"

"I had to help out on the farm for a bit longer. The university knows, I've kept up to date with all my assignments and things."

"Hmm." Mrs. Smith sniffed at that. "If you'd just take a left here."

Eventually, they came to a stop in front of a quaint house with a frostbitten front garden, the plants still clinging on to life neatly trimmed back from the path.

“Here is your new home. I’ll just do a quick inspection and then I’ll be on my way.” Mrs. Smith said as she wriggled a key from her handbag and unlocked the front door.

Reynir nearly froze in fear when he saw a mass of _fur_ until he realised that it was, in fact, a _human being_ and not a sentient bear standing in the kitchen.

“Good morning, Mikkel.” Mrs. Smith said as she hobbled in. “This is Reynir, the new housemate I told you about. Reynir, this is Mikkel.”

“It’s good to meet you!” Reynir went to shake his hand before he realised that his own were full with his bags. He quickly put them down before excitedly taking the offered hand and shaking it thoroughly. “I hope this isn’t too awkward.”

“Not at all.” Mikkel replied, trying his best to not wince as his elbow was ruthlessly battered. “Emil and Lalli are currently out, but the red-head over there is Sigrun-“ Sigrun lazily waved from where she sat on the sofa, “And the other one is Tuuri.”

Tuuri took out her headphones and grinned when she spotted Reynir. She dumped her things onto her chair, brushed off her jumper, and bounded over.

“Hello! I’m Tuuri, are you a new housemate?”

“I am!” Reynir replied, shaking her hand with as much enthusiasm as he’d given Mikkel. “I’m Reynir, I just got here from Iceland!”

As Tuuri and Reynir excitedly spoke together, Mikkel took the landlady around the house and allowed her to inspect all of their rooms. Once she was satisfied, she handed Reynir an envelope and a copy of the keys, and left.

“I’ll show you to your room.” Mikkel said, picking up the bags Reynir discarded in his excitement with ease. He took them upstairs, Reynir quickly scrambling after him. A few moments later, he came back downstairs and rubbed at his forehead.

“He’s rather talkative, isn’t he?” He said as he put the kettle on. Sigrun could be heard snorting with laughter on the sofa.

“I wonder what course he’s doing? I’d bet communications.” Tuuri said as she took out her Disney mug and put it down by the kettle, giving Mikkel the sibling look™ as she put a fruit tea bag in and plopped down onto a spare seat at the table.

“He works on his family’s farm.” Mikkel rumbled as he poured hot water into four mugs. “He’s doing a zoology degree.”

“No way!” Tuuri looked shocked as Mikkel dropped a sugar cube into a mug and stirred it.

“I saw his books.”

“Wow.” Tuuri smoothed her hair back. “I guess that makes sense, too.”

Mikkel placed one of the mugs down by Sigrun, who took it with a quick thanks before she returned to her laptop, and placed the other three down onto the table.

“So he’s an Icelander?” Tuuri asked as she sipped on her own tea. “He can speak Icelandic?”

“One can assume.”

Tuuri looked far too happy about that to be normal.

“Do I want to know why you’re interested in this?”

“It’s one more person I can have secret conversations with.”

“I would be able to understand you perfectly.”

“Oh.” Tuuri deflated a little. “Well, they’d still be secret conversations, so long as no one else is around.”

“Wouldn’t that make them secret anyway?”

“You know what I mean!” Tuuri waved him off.

A few moments later, Reynir came back downstairs and happily accepted the mug Mikkel pushed towards him. He sat down next to Tuuri, and glanced between the two of them.

“Sorry, did I interrupt something?”

“Nope.” Tuuri replied. “So, you speak Icelandic?”

* * *

 

Emil and Lalli walked in to find a red haired man sat at their kitchen table, chatting away to Tuuri and Mikkel in a strange language. Lalli immediately bristled, something Emil didn't miss given how Lalli dug his nails into the meat of his palm.

"Ow, Lalli!" He quietly hissed, wriggling his hand free. Lalli didn't have the decency to look apologetic as he continued to glare at the red head.

To Emil, however, first impressions were everything. He'd missed out on a good one with Lalli given how they'd first met while he was shirtless and Lalli was perched in a tree, but with this new person perhaps it would be easier.

"We're back!" Emil announced as he shrugged his coat off, casually strolling into the kitchen. "Oh, hullo, who's this?" Emil walked up to them with all the grace he possessed.

"This is Reynir!" Tuuri introduced him, Reynir quickly standing and offering Emil his hand.

"Hi! It's good to meet you. Tuuri's told me about you already, and oh is this Lúlli? Tuuri's told me about you too, it's good to meet you both."

Emil could only politely smile and nod as he shook Reynirs hand. God, did this guy ever _stop_?

Lalli ignored the hand that was offered to him and immediately got the apple juice from the fridge, stealing it away as he slunk into his room.

"Sorry about him, he doesn't really spend much time with people..." Tuuri apologised, a hand covering her mouth.

"Oh, n-no, it's okay." Reynir assured her. "I'm kinda used to it anyway, given the tattoos and all."

That was when Emil noticed just how _covered_ he was. He wore a thick woollen jumper, sleeves pushed up to the elbows, under which what appeared to be a snowflake peered out from underneath. His hands were dotted with lines that made little sense to him, but would probably ring a bell with Lalli. His ankle had a dog of some sort, tongue lolling out. Emil couldn't see any others but he knew that there just _had_ to be more.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Emil began, "I'd better go see how Lalli is." He escaped while he could, and he didn't miss the look of dread Mikkel gave him.

He mock saluted him before disappearing around the corner.

Lalli had immediately bolted under his bed, burrowing his face into his pillow. Ugh, the red head was _irritating_. How could Tuuri deal with him? How could _Mikkel_ deal with him? He needed a distraction from the way he made his hands tingle, and not in the good way. In the bad way. The very, very bad ‘ _I want to strangle you’_ way.

He pressed the home button on his phone, twitching when he realised he had a text from Onni. Slowly, he opened it.

 **Angry Owl** : Have you made any friends yet?

The message was glaring at him on his phone, the screen barely illuminating his face from under the bed.

 _Sort of_ , Lalli typed back. _Maybe. Just one._

He didn't see what Onni had sent back as a face peered under the bed, the very face he was thinking about.

"Too many people for one day?"

Lalli nodded. Emil picked himself up and could be heard shuffling around before a jumper was pushed under the bed towards him.

"It's not the hoodie, that needs a good wash, but the fabric inside is the same." Emil explained. Lalli could see the check shirt he was wearing underneath, and the smell of aftershave and fresh cookies wafted towards him with every movement. "I'll tell Tuuri that you're napping."

"She'll insist on waking me up." Lalli argued.

"You've had a long day. She'll stay away."

"You've been up longer," Lalli argued, "you should nap."

"I've had coffee." Emil replied proudly, as though it were a marvellous idea. "I'll be fine."

Lalli huffed and pulled the jumper closer to him, stuffing his hands inside of it to run over the soft inside. "Whatever."

The door softly clicked shut.

Onni still hadn't replied, and Lalli couldn't wait any longer to wait for the right moment to tell his cousin how he felt when he woke up that morning.

**Lalli Cat:** _It's happening again._

He hit send and then paused for a moment before continuing.

**Lalli Cat:** _The feeling._

**Angry Owl:** How can you _sort of_ have a friend?

 **Lalli Cat:** _You are an excruciatingly slow typer_.

 **Angry Owl:** Don't be rude. You took five hours to reply.

 **Angry Owl:** By feeling, you mean..?

 **Lalli Cat _:_** _The heavy one. I can still feel it in my chest_.

 **Angry Owl:** I'll work on something for you. For now, focus on your studies.

Lalli didn't reply. Onni was kind of right - he should _proooobably_ do some studying. Onni would have his ass for it if he didn't. Besides, he had a report to write.

He wriggled out from under his bed, put on Emil's jumper, and perched on his desk chair. His laptop chimed as he opened it, slowly booting up while Lalli stared at his reflection in the screen. Damn, Emil would have a heart attack if he saw his hair right now. Part of him wanted Emil to see it. Part of him still wanted Emil to be alive so he could wrangle cookies and warmth from him.

He absently wondered what Onni would think of Emil. Emil was the type of person to turn his nose up at people who were religious, to think them fools for believing in things that could not be proven by science. In short; he'd scorn Lalli if he knew about anything he did. If he knew that the haunting tunes he hummed in the shower were actually songs for his gods, if he knew that some days even breathing was almost too much for him to handle with the thrum of energy coursing through his veins. If he knew that sometimes, he buried cookies in the garden as offerings.

From that alone, Onni would hate him. Never mind that he bought him cookies just because he wanted to, that he shared his nice textured jumpers with him because he knew Lalli liked the feel of the soft fabric and the way he could curl up inside the hoodie on cold mornings. Never mind that Emil always made sure he ate something, regardless of whether it was a single cookie or a whole meal, and made sure they always had his favourite juice in the fridge for the days when he'd refuse anything else. Never mind that he'd taken Lalli to the fairground and had let him hold his hand. Never mind that he'd ran out to find him on a brutally cold night to bring him back home again, to make sure he was okay and _safe_.

Emil did not believe in their gods and ignored their existence, and so he was not favourable in Onni's mind, their virtues be damned.

Lalli resented that.

It wasn't up to Onni who he decided to spend his time with anyway. If he wanted to see a godless Swede, he'd see a godless Swede. End of. The look on Onni's face would make it all worth it anyway.

His fingers froze mid-word. Why was he thinking of Emil like this anyway? He shouldn’t. These thoughts lead to distractions, and distractions lead to mistakes. Mistakes were things he couldn’t afford to make.

He tried to ignore how the jumper still smelled of Emil in a way that made his chest ache as he continued typing.

* * *

 

Emil pulled his coat just that bit closer to him as he walked down the street towards his cousin’s house. He could faintly hear the three in the garden, chasing around what was most likely Bosse. Poor cat.

He knocked three times on the door and stood back, counting down the seconds in his head.

Three.

Two.

One.

"EMIL'S HERE!" One shouted, most likely Håkan. Anna opened the door and unleashed the torrent of cousin, Sune getting to him first. Emil stooped down and greeted all of them, gently herding them inside as he shouted greetings to his aunt and uncle.

He hung his coat up while listening to the three babble away at him, talking about school and asking when they could sleep over at his, mixed in with various ways of demanding they play with his hair. Emil indulged them, telling them that he’d play once he’d said hello to their parents.

Siv was sitting in the office (Read: hiding) with a stack of reports on the desk next to her. She gave him that same nervous wave as always, and told him that his uncle was in the garden.

After saying hello to Trobjörn, insistent hands patting on his back and worming their way into the fold of fabric at his elbow eventually broke through Emils pitiful defence and he was dragged into the living room and subjected to three pairs of torturous hands.

“Hair dresser salon hair dresser salon!” Anna excitedly squealed as she jumped on the sofa behind Emil’s head, a comb already clutched in her hands. Suna knelt down next to Emil on the floor, hair bobbles already snapped onto his wrist, while Håkan had a pair of scissors at the ready.

“No,” Emil quickly took the scissors away from him, “No scissors.”

He could still weep at the memory of what had happened the last time he’d allowed scissors to be in their hands. He’d had to cut off _all_ of his hair to hide what they’d done.  
Monsters, utter _monsters_.

After his hair had been expertly combed by heavy hands, and a multitude of ponytails and plaits dotted around his scalp, Trobjörn walked in welding two steaming mugs. One was placed within arms reach of Emil, the scent of a fruit tea wafting over to him.

“Aren’t you cold? Trobjörn asked him as he sat in an opposite chair. He wisely chose to ignore Emil’s current hairstyle. “You’re usually in a jumper when you wear that shirt.”

“Lalli has it.” Emil absently replied without much thought as he took a test sip of his tea. Deciding it was much too hot, he placed it back onto the table. He glanced up to see Trobjörn giving him an odd look.

“Lalli?”

“A housemate.” Emil clarified, hoping that would be the end of it.

No such luck.

“That’s unusual of you.” His uncle looked at him over the rim of his mug, “Usually you don’t like to lend out your clothes.”

A particularly hard pull from Suna had him wincing. “I don’t really have much choice when it comes to him.”

“You should stand your ground.”

Emil wasn’t sure how to reply to that. Admit that he’d been lending his precious jumpers to Lalli, or let Trobjörn continue to believe he was a pushover?

Pride won out. “Oh, no, I let him.” Emil clarified, “Otherwise he’s in a foul mood all day.” A slight lie, but Trobjörn would likely never ever find out.

He seemed to accept it, however. Siv joined them a little while later, a movie being put into the DVD player. Once it was over, Emil rounded up his cousins and took them up to bed. They loudly protested and tried to squirm out of his arms to no avail; Emil was taller, he was bigger, and he was stronger than them. Once he’d wrestled Suna and Håkan into bed, Anna was spent in his arms and was malleable enough to change into her pyjamas and gently tuck in. He kissed each of their foreheads and left with a promise that he’d be back soon.

Downstairs, Siv quietly thanked him. Emil took the chance to catch up with them, find out about family events, and to tell little white lies about how his course was going.

“Have you heard from your parents yet?” Trobjörn asked. “My brother is lamenting that you’re so far away to study.”

“They haven’t said a word to me.” Emil replied, the spite audible. “I don’t even know how they are, or how the house search is going.”

“Maybe if you tried contacting them?” Siv suggested.

Emil scoffed. “As if they’d reply.” It would be beneath him to contact them first. Besides, they’d try to convince him to come back home. That wasn’t happening, not any time soon. Not when he had… something, something that he couldn’t quite name, with Lalli. He’d never had anything like it with anyone else, and he wasn’t going to just throw it away because his parents wanted him closer to home and back under their control.

“You never know.” Trobjörn prodded. The grandfather clock in the kitchen chimed loudly, Emil counting the chimes.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. _Seven_ -

He’d been here for a long time.

“I’d best go,” Emil said as he stood. “Thank you for the tea.”

“Thank you for coming, the kids loved having you here.” Trobjörn replied, standing too and seeing him to the door. Trobjörn and Siv waved at him from the door as he walked down the path and out of sight. Once Emil was certain no one could see him, he dug right into his pockets, deep into the lining, and took out a cardboard box and a lighter. He popped open the cardboard box and took out a cigarette, sliding it into his mouth and lighting it in one swift movement.

If anyone knew, they’d kill him. That he was fairly sure of. A Västerström, smoking? Disgraceful! How dreadful! The Västerström’s did no such thing.

But as Emil took a long drag of it, slowly exhaling as he looked up at the night sky and took in the shine of the moon, he couldn’t help but feel all the tension drain from him. He’d needed this. He shoved the box and lighter back into his pocket, wiggling it back into the lining, and began his walk back to his student house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got back from my trip a couple days ago! Got a lot written for a later chapter, but the one I was meant to be doing was kinda slow. Funny how that works, isn't it?  
> And yup - Emil is indeed smoking. That's a bad habit, Emil!


	5. Chapter Five

As sneaky as Emil thought he was, leaving at three in the morning so absolutely no one else would be around to see him, he wasn't as sneaky as Lalli and he had been heard.

Not by Mikkel, who would throw too many hard-hitting questions at him, nor by Tuuri who'd badger him into giving the right answer. No, it was much worse.

 _Sigrun_ had heard him.

So when Emil crept downstairs at 3 in the morning, he had expected to be completely alone. He was wrong.

The kitchen light suddenly turned on, scaring the living daylights out of him, and Sigrun beamed down at him.

"3am jogs! Smart move, right hand warrior."

Emil couldn't bring himself to do much more than squeak out her name and clutch onto the sofa for balance. Oh, oh gods no why why _why_ -!

"Come on, let's get going." Sigrun patted his shoulder hard enough to make Emil stumble forwards and thrust his shoes into his hands. "No time to waste, the sun will be up soon."

Emil put on his shoes in resignation. Sigrun wouldn't listen to reason - she would come whether he liked it or not.

He hated running with others.

The streetlights were still on when they opened the front door, white puffs condensing in front of their faces as they stepped out into the orange light. Emil lightly stretched his legs, thankful that Sigrun was silent as she did the same. No questions, please no questions…

Emil adjusted his mp3 and made sure his headphones were secure before he gestured for Sigrun to follow him. No point in trying to run away from her, he had absolutely zero doubts that she’d catch up to him with ease and would probably scold him for trying to get away.

"So," Sigrun asked a few minutes into their silent jog, "why this early?"

His heart sunk. Of course she’d prod.

"No one around." Emil answered honestly, "Less people to bump into." He answered less than truthfully.

Sigrun watched as Emil went to take a side passage that would add at least ten minutes to their jog rather than go through the market square. She could hear people loudly setting up, the clang of metal echoing in the air and shouts in a foreign tongue.

Hmm. Interesting.

She looked down at Emil's face. He looked uncomfortable and uncertain, refusing to look anywhere other than straight in front of himself. This would not do.

"Where we headed?" Sigrun casually asked.

"The park." Emil replied, voice already breathless. Was the kid pushing himself so he'd match her pace? Sigrun felt a kind of twisted enjoyment at that - she knew she had monstrously long legs and a stamina many back home couldn't match, so Emil would have to crack at some point.

She slowed down. Just a little. She didn't want to break him, after all.

"You always run there?"

"Always."

They soon reached the park, Emil looking like he was about to die. Sigrun steered them to the nearest bench and sat down heavily on it, letting out a long breath. "Break, break. I'm old, I need one."

Emil would have snorted if he had the energy for it. Sigrun was _not_ old - but instead he relented and dropped his limp body next to hers on the poor bench. He tried to desperately regulate his breathing. How _humiliating_ , to be panting like a dog on a scorching summer day and sweating buckets while Sigrun had barely a flush to her face. Humiliating, humiliating, humiliating.

"Here." Sigrun prodded his arm with a water bottle. "You look like you need it."

Emil grumpily thanked her as he accepted it, squirting water into his mouth with the sports cap. He carefully avoided eye contact with her, his mind racing. He couldn't let weakness show, he couldn't let himself look like an easy target.

"You're panicking."

Emil almost dropped the water bottle. "I am _not_."

"You are." Sigrun carefully took back the water bottle and placed it on her side of the bench as she shuffled closer to him. "Talk. What's wrong?"

Emil looked down at his hands. Despite the water, his mouth felt dry as though he'd eaten cardboard. His throat felt locked up, and words refused to come out.

Sigrun was in the army. She'd understand.

But she was a general. She wouldn't understand. She would have stood by and watched, amused and glad the squads were finally bonding.

Emil bitterly knew that was not the case.

"Emil."

He jerked and glanced over at Sigrun. She fixed him with a look that screamed both 'spill it!' And 'Please tell me.' Shakily sighing, he looked back at his hands.

"Running with others just reminds me of running with my squad in the army. Nothing more."

"Miss them?"

Emil snorted loudly without meaning to.

Sigrun took that as a definite _no_.

"Like a rash." Emil snarked.

"You didn't get on with them, then." It wasn't a question. "Anything else I ought to know about my running partner?"

Emil spluttered. "R-running partner?!"

"Yep!" Sigrun prodded his shoulder. "I can't have you running around on your own in the dark, can I?"

"I've been doing it for _months_ -"

"Up up, no excuses. So. Anything I should know?"

Emil glared down at his hands before he sighed and relented. "I _hate_ exercising around others."

"I thought you were in the army? That's what we do literally every day."

"Doesn't mean I like it."

"Eh, whatever. Come on, let's get going."

Sigrun was up and away by the time Emil has convinced his tired legs to stand. He shook the feeling back into them and slowly followed Sigrun. If he didn't, she'd probably loop back and grab him by the scruff. He could easily see her being that kind of drill sergeant - a damn slave driver.

Mikkel was awake when they got back. He silently appraised the two, taking in Sigruns smug look and Emil's exhausted and somewhat mortified one. He decided he didn't want to know.

As Emil dragged his limp and lifeless body upstairs, intending to shower and then crawl back into the warm embrace of his bed, Mikkel couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows at Sigrun.

“What did you do?”

Sigrun just grinned at him and shook her head.

“Not much.”

Mikkel found that incredibly hard to believe. “Will I be expecting him to continue to wake at three in the morning?”

“If he knows what’s good for him, you will.”

There was a spark in Sigruns eye as she went back upstairs to grab her shower supplies. Getting Emil to open up about whatever he’d been subjected to at the army was going to be tough, but she’d cracked harder nuts before. It just took a little time.

She was willing to wait.

* * *

 

Emil walked out of the lecture with his head spinning. Why had he taken chemistry? What could have possibly possessed him to think it was a good idea? Yes, he learned how to make things go boom (even if you didn’t really mean to), but the _math_! All the number and graphs and _equations_!

Oh, it was truly _revolting_. He’d fucked up in his degree choice, that was for sure, but he couldn’t deny how damn satisfying it felt when it finally clicked and suddenly everything made sense.

That, and, he got to _make things go boom_.

 _Way_ more satisfying than anything else.

Even so, the entire lecture had completely gone over his head and he knew that he had work to do if he wanted to stay there. He didn’t want to go back home, head hung in shame to his parents who would only pat his back and tell him that they’d told him so.

No, absolutely _not_. So with purpose he strode into the student café, his usual haunt (if only for the coffee and the plug sockets dotted around), found his usual spot, and got to work. He was three slides into the lecture slides before he was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Emil! There you are!"

Oona ran over to him, grin plastered on her face as she excitedly thrust an envelope towards him. "I'm having a house party this weekend for my birthday, can you make it?"

"Yes, of course." Emil replied as he accepted it. He flipped it over to read the word 'V.I.P' written on the back. "What's this for?"

"It's for early access." Oona replied. "You can bring a friend if you want - the more the merrier!"

"I'll do that." Emil smiled. "How many can I bring?"

"Humm..." Oona tapped her lips before grinning widely. "As many as you'd like, as long as they're single!"

"Looking to meet someone?" Emil teased as he tucked the envelope into his pocket, making a mental note to mention it to his housemates. He couldn't see Mikkel going of his own volition, but he could definitely see Sigrun dragging him along. Were they even single? He hoped so, it'd be embarrassing if they weren't.

"You could say that." Oona coyly tucked hair behind her ear. "I'll see you, then." She leaned down, quickly pecking him on the cheek and skittering away before Emil had even registered what had happened.

Oona had... Kissed him? On the cheek? Why? That was a bit friendly for him.

The implications suddenly hit him with all the subtlety of a tonne of bricks.

Emil felt his face burn as he hastily turned back to his laptop. Oh, oh dear.

Hastily whipping out his phone, he sent a single word to Tuuri.

 **He-Man:** HELP.

Tuuri replied swiftly, thank the heavens.

 **(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** What did you do this time?

 **He-Man:** I have done nothing, amazingly.

 **(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Then what do you need me for?

 **He-Man:** What does it mean if a girl kisses you on the cheek?

 **(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Emil... Are you okay?

 **He-Man:** No! I am not okay! Please, just tell me.

 **(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Said like a true virgin o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)

 **He-Man:** Tttuuuuuuurrriiiiii

 **(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Fine, it means they like you.

 **He-Man:** Like as in friend or like as in like like?

 **(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** That's one you'll have to work out yourself. Just ask her!

 **He-Man:** You say that as if it's easy!

 **(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** It is! Just go up to them and ask them.

 **He-Man:** I'd rather die.

 **(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Suit yourself. I've got work to do, toodles!

 **He-Man:** Sure. See you later.

Well, that was _conductive_. He closed his laptop with a sigh and left the café, a rowdy group of students having come in, and moved off in the direction of the library. The place was a damn sauna, but it was quiet and he did need some books. As he was walking up the stairs, his headphones still in but not playing any music just yet, he passed two of Oonas friends on the stairs. The taller one leaned over to the smaller one and quietly said "Hey, isn't that the guy Oona has a crush on?"

Emil felt his head spin. Ooh, boy. He continued walking, offering them a wave when he walked past and pretending he couldn't hear a word they said.

He busied himself by looking for the books he needed. Don’t think about the crushes, Emil. Don’t think about it. Just don’t. Not worth it. Degree first. Get the books, Emil. Count the aisles. One, two, three, four, five, now turn right, and one, two, three cases down…

Emil knelt on the floor as he felt his face combust. Oh, lord, this was not good. He was somewhat glad that he hadn’t bumped into anyone, as he was pretty damn sure that he looked a right state. With shaky hands, he slid the book he needed off the shelf, stood up, and started to search for the other book he wanted. Once he’d found it, he nearly ran towards the cubicle he’d seen was empty just a few moments ago.

He was in luck; no one had stolen it while his back was turned. He quickly claimed it for his own, taking out his laptop again as he began to flick through the books.

Think about chemistry, Emil. Numbers. Equations. Formula. Elements, symbols, states of matter – all that fun stuff. Do not think about the crush.

The crush.

 _Oh god Oona_ -

Emil nearly made a distressed sound. Oh, god, this was not good. There was no way he would be getting through this by any means! Not today! He could barely focus on the page in front of him, the letters forming jumbled messes on the page. The graphs made zero sense. Momentarily, he forgot his own name.

Sighing and running his hands through his hair, Emil shoved the books to the side and tugged his laptop closer, opening up the group chat he shared with everyone in his student digs. He belatedly realised that Reynir had been added. So _that_ was how his name was spelled.

 **Emil:** Anyone free on Saturday? We just got invited to a house party.

 **Sigrun:** I’m in!

 **Tuuri:** I can make it.

 **Emil:** Wait, who changed my picture to _He-man_?!

Emil felt _scandalised_. How dare they, whoever it was!

 **Sigrun:** It’s Prince Adam, you absolute cretin

Ah. Sigrun, then.

 **Emil:** I look nothing like him!

 **Sigrun:** You tell yourself that, little prince

 **Tuuri:** (✌ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞

 **Reynir:** I can go! Yay, this’ll be so exciting!

 **Tuuri:** Have you ever been to a student house party before?

 **Reynir:** Nope! Are they good?

 **Sigrun:** Oh dear sweet child

 **Sigrun:** You have much to learn

Emil didn’t exactly expect a response from Mikkel, and definitely not Lalli (who used the chat solely to express his need for cookies whenever someone advertised a shopping trip, and even then he usually appeared at your elbow and pushed an empty cookie wrapper towards you instead) so he felt safe enough to turn his attention away from it for a moment.

Okay, that was good. He had some sort of buffer to protect him while he worked things out for himself.

Mind somewhat distracted, he got back to trawling through his chemistry books and tried to understand the things that were being thrown at him.

* * *

 

Tuuri snickered at her laptop screen. Reynir glanced up from the book he was reading and peered over her shoulder.

“What’re you laughing about?” He asked.

“Emil.” Tuuri replied. “He’s so clueless.”

“What about?” Reynir asked as he saved the page with a sheep-themed bookmark and dropped the book onto the table with a thump. Revision was boring compared to the potential gossip Tuuri was about to spill!

“About Oona! She’s been messaging me for weeks asking about Emil and the things he likes, meanwhile Emil had no idea she even liked him.”

“I thought Emil was…” Reynir hesitated for a moment when it clicked. Oh, oh dear! Did Tuuri not know? I suppose it would be awkward considering Lalli was her cousin – oh, oh dear, had he spilled beans he wasn’t meant to?

“Was what?” Tuuri asked, finally tearing her eyes away from her laptop. Her messenger app chimed with a new message, but she ignored it in favour of Reynir.

“Uhhh…” Reynir looked everywhere but at her. “He was… not into that kind of stuff?”

Yes, Reynir. Get in there. You’re the _best_. Honest.

Tuuri raised an eyebrow at him. “You think Emil’s gay?”

Reynir wanted the ground to swallow him up. Now, please, if it’s not too much trouble. He’d just had to dig the hole even deeper, hadn’t he?!

“W-well he seems to be a bit close with Lalli so I had assumed…” Reynir pressed his fingers together, meekly looking at Tuuri from under his fringe. She had bitten her lip, her cheeks flushed red and he was terrified, absolutely _terrified_ that he’d angered her until-

She burst out laughing, laptop violently shaking on her lap as she barely contained herself.

“Oh, oh gods, no! They’re not.” She laughed as she wiped away a stray tear. “I can see why you thought that, though. They are pretty close, but it’s probably because Emil’s too kind to him.”

“Too kind?”

“He lets him get away with a lot.” Tuuri clarified. She turned back to her laptop and minimised her browser, searching her desktop for something. “More than I would, anyway.”

Reynir wasn’t really listening, though, concentrating more on the photo she had set as her background.

“Who’s that?” He asked, pointing at it.

It showed an obviously younger Lalli and Tuuri, as Tuuri’s hair was still long and was tied into a ponytail. Lalli was staring off into the distance, almost as though he weren’t even aware of the camera, and the man standing behind them both…

Looked so sad.

“Oh, that’s my big brother! Onni always looks a little sad.” Tuuri seemed to gain a far away look for a moment. “We took this photo when I first went to university in Finland and got my degree in mechanical engineering.”

“This is your second degree?!” Reynir balked, nearly falling off the sofa. “No way!”

Tuuri waved him off. “It’s nothing. I’ve always had a thing for languages, anyway; compared to that course, this one’s easy.”

“Don’t be modest about it.” Reynir insisted as he straightened himself. “I’d never be able to do two degrees.”

“I don’t think I’d be able to afford another.” Tuuri frowned. “I would like to come back and do something else, though. I love learning.”

“Speaking of siblings,” Reynir began, getting up to his feet and stretching his long legs out with a loud _pop!_ , “I’d better give mine a call. They’ll be wondering how my first week is going.”

“I should probably call Onni too,” Tuuri said as she booted up Skype, “he’s probably getting lonely.”

“Does he live far from your parents then?” Reynir innocently asked as he scooped up his book. Tuuri took a moment to reply.

“We don’t have any.”

“Oh!” Reynir dropped his book in shock. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea-“

“It’s fine, don’t worry. It was a long time ago.”

Reynir awkwardly apologised again before escaping upstairs, giving Tuuri the privacy she needed to call her brother. A few moments later, he heard a steady stream of Finnish coming from downstairs. Every so often there was a low, staticky rumble that he assumed was Onni replying.

Gods, he was such a _dick_.

* * *

After spending 3 hours tossing and turning, Emil knew that sleep just wasn't coming.  
  
Cursing loudly, he swung his legs over the side of his bed, tugged on a jumper, shrugged on his dressing gown, and quietly went downstairs. He took care to avoid the floorboard that creaked and the step that groaned. He wasn't particularly keen on waking anyone up- he didn't feel like company.  
  
His mind was still spinning, thoughts running wild in his head. All he could think about was how _confused_ he was. He should like girls. He was a _guy_ , it was what guys did. It was all the people he was stationed with during his time in the army talked about - girls, women waiting for them back home, wondering if any of the local women would be willing, but Emil never really knew why it made him feel awkward. Was it because he was never particularly interested in the fairer sex? Because he had exactly zero experience? Or was it simply just Emil's own natural state of being that made him feel awkward and incredibly out of place?  
  
Oona was pretty, very much so, and so it was shocking for him to hear that she was very much interested in him, but it was also a little heart breaking. He just didn't feel the same way back, and he doubted getting to know her more and spending more time with her would help. She was just a friend and a course mate to him.  
  
Something so small, something so simple, had his heart and stomach swapping places and tying knots so tight he didn't think he'd be able to undo them. Did he give it a try with her? Or did he simply face the fact he couldn't bring himself to do the thing his whole family, the whole world, expected him to do?  
  
He slumped into a kitchen chair, glass of water abandoned on the table as he leaned on the table and buried his face in his arms.  
  
He was so, so confused. His fingers picked at the fibres of his sleeve, absently twisting them and smoothing them over.  
  
Something ghosted over his hair, and thin fingers gently worked their way in before fluffing it up. Emil looked up to see Lalli sitting opposite him, blue eyes impossibly bright in the dim light. Lalli folded his arms in front of him and rested his chin on them, staring at Emil.  
  
"Can't sleep either?" Emil quietly asked. Lalli shook his head.  
  
"Too much coffee." He replied.   
  
"I'm glad the break is coming up soon," Emil said, "maybe we'll be able to wean ourselves off coffee."  
  
"Coffee runs in my veins."  
  
Emil prodded his cheek. "That's not a good thing."  
  
Lalli didn't bat his hand away. "And? I like coffee."  
  
"Your coffee's are 90% milk." Emil teased, "I don't think they count."  
  
"It's bitter otherwise." Lalli hastily defended.  
  
"I'm sure."   
  
"Why can't you sleep?" Lalli asked. He pushed a stray hair off Emil's face and tucked it behind his ear as he tried to ignore the tremble in his hand.  
  
"Coffee." Emil hastily replied. A lie, he hadn't had a single cup all day, but Lalli didn't need to know that.  
  
"I thought you didn't have any today."  
  
Emil's hands faltered from their fiddling. Shit, Lalli had been home all day! He’d have noticed the smell!  
  
"I had a bit."  
  
Lalli looked at him like he didn't believe a single word, but he didn't press the issue. "Is anything on TV?"  
  
"Probably some weird conspiracy documentaries." Emil replied. Lalli nodded and stood up resolutely. He waved for Emil to follow him as he trotted into the living room, grabbing the remote before making himself comfortable next to Emil.  
  
“I didn’t think you were interested in mothman.” Emil teased as he grabbed the blanket they had stashed by the side of the sofa and threw it over the two of them. Lalli curled his section around him, effectively trapping his arms under the blanket. How he managed to still use the remote was anyone’s guess.

Emil was far, far too tired to work out the logistics of it.

“Mothman is my boyfriend.” Lalli quietly replied as he flicked through the channels, eventually sighing when all he found was bad shopping channels and switching it to Netflix.

“I’m sure he is.”

After closing their eyes and picking something at random, they settled down to watch a conspiracy documentary on the moon landings. Emil knew it was complete utter rubbish – they _did_ land on the moon, thank you very much, and how dare you suggest otherwise, but he bit his tongue.

At least the annoyance was enough to ease his anxiety over Oona.

Lalli wriggled the remote onto the arm of the sofa and settled back down again, his hands searching out for Emil’s and tangling with his fingers, drawing shapes and tracing the lines on his palms.

Not for the first time, Emil wondered why he did that.

He didn’t feel that he should ask, he’d feel awful if Lalli stopped.

Slowly, so slowly that Emil didn’t notice it had happened until he felt hair tickle at his throat, Lalli’s head sunk down onto Emil’s shoulder, warm cheek pressed into the fabric of the jumper he’d pulled on.

“You okay?” Emil asked as he patted Lalli on the head with his free hand.

Lalli sleepily nodded. “Tired.”

Emil hoped that the mockery of a documentary that they’d put on would be enough to send them both to sleep.

It was only when Lalli’s hands faltered, their movements slowing until they stopped completely that Emil realised that he missed the feeling. The Finn’s breathing evened out, deep and slow in sleep as his head miraculously stayed balanced on Emil’s shoulder. As Emil slowly reached for the remote to turn off the documentary, he realised that maybe, just maybe, his relationship with Lalli was more than platonic.

And it made his heart clench and stomach drop unpleasantly, his head beginning to spin again.

He hastily turned off the TV, throwing the room into complete darkness, as he fought to keep his breathing even.

No, Emil. Don’t freak out. It’s okay, it’s fine, and you’re just confused. You’ve had a lot to think about today, a lot’s been on your mind. You’re not falling for Lalli. You’re not falling for Lalli. You’re not-

You are,

Oh, gods, he was,

He was falling for Lalli.

He didn’t want to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sshhh there's still 20 mins left of valentines day; I did it in time!  
> Also, a chunk of text in the last section kept clumping together and forming this ugly wall; I have no idea why it's doing it - if you're getting one, I'm so sorry and I'll try and get it fixed ;A;;  
> I'm also terribly sleep deprived so if there are any mistakes pls let me know, I'll try get those sorted too.


	6. Chapter 6

When Lalli woke up, he usually did so with a panicked start as he tried to work out where he was. It would be followed by calm realisation, and then he’d wriggle out from under his bed and go about his day as usual.

Today, however, he did not wake up suddenly. Slowly, he felt himself wake up; feeling coming back into his fingers and toes. His eyes slowly opened as he registered something warm and very much alive underneath him.

Emil wasn’t awake yet, his face still relaxed in sleep. One hand was tucked under the cushion under his head, the Swedes hair splaying out behind them. Lalli felt a faint pressure on his back and assumed that was where Emil’s other hand was. He spared the room a brief look- the digital clock on the TV stand read that it was 8 in the morning.

Lalli could hear Emil’s heartbeat, steady and strong in his chest. He couldn’t help but press himself closer and count every beat.

_Someone has probably seen you both_ , a voice in the back of his head whispered. _Sigrun and Mikkel are usually awake by now. They’ve definitely seen._

He didn’t particularly care. So what if they’d seen? If wasn’t as if they were going to be saying anything to him – no, they’d be saying it to Emil. The one who would actually give a good reaction.

Emil, the one he was currently curled up against like a cat, his head nestled comfortably on his chest. Emil, who had wrapped an arm around him and hadn’t stolen the blanket. Emil, who had let him play with his hand.

He was okay with waking up like this, he decided.

That is, until he suddenly shot up in shock.

Shit! Lecture!

He ignored Emil’s sleepy questions as he clambered over him, scrambling over to his room with an uncharacteristic “Eep!”. There was no time to make himself look presentable or to eat any breakfast – he’d have to quickly throw on whatever clothes he could find, brush his teeth, and run.

As he ran through the kitchen, he heard Emil loudly swear and run up the stairs. Apparently he had a morning lecture, too.

Lalli wondered why he hadn’t ever noticed, but he put it down to him always getting there early to avoid the crowds.

Lalli arrived five minutes before the lecture started, puffing and panting as he slouched against the wall and fought to regain his breath. Gods, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had to run like that! Long distance, yes, he could do that easily! But sprinting? And having a time limit? Wasn’t happening!

He barely noticed as a flyer for the track team was slipped into his bag. It wasn’t until he got into his lecture and opened his bag to get his laptop out that he noticed it. Narrowing his eyes and looking around himself, Lalli slowly bent down to pick it up.

Hmm.

He shoved it back into his bag again as his lecturer walked in holding a huge stack of folders.

* * *

 

Emil had groggily unlocked his phone when Lalli woke him up in his mad dash to his room, wondering what all the fuss was about, when he saw that he had received a picture message from Sigrun.

He dropped his phone into his lap in shock. How…? Why..?

Oh, god!

He’d promptly thrown back the blankets and loudly sword, disregarding anyone still sleeping in the building, and raced upstairs.

“SIGRUN!” he shouted as he all but rammed into her door. “Sigrun, open this door right now!”

He could hear her cackling behind the wood, the embodiment of pure delight.

“Or what?” She shot back.

“I-I…!” Emil stammered. He hadn’t really thought that far. “I’ll think of something!”

“I’m sure you will. In the mean time, would you like another picture?”

“No!!”

“Too late!” Sigrun laughed again, Emil whining as he nearly fell down the stairs to get his phone. He barely noticed Lalli sprinting out the front door in his haste to find his phone. He grabbed it and rapidly unlocked it, hands shaking so badly he had to type it in three times until he got it right.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that it wasn’t another picture of him with Lalli, the latter passed out on top of him and grabbing fistfuls of his jumper in a way that made his heart hurt. No, it was a selfie Sigrun had taken with him, her head blocking out Lalli entirely. Underneath, she’d given it the caption “ _Next facebook profile picture?_ ”

_Definitely not_ , he promptly replied.

He heard Sigruns laugh from downstairs.

Exhausted, he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Well, he’d missed his slot for his morning run. He’d just have to make up for it later on that day, he supposed. _Stop laughing_ , he typed as he set about folding up the blanket. It simply prompted more laughter, so he gave up with attempting to reason with her and set about righting the living room before returning upstairs.

His first lecture of the day began at 1pm – he had some time to read through the lecture slides and at least shower and plan his outfit properly. It was more than what Lalli had, he thought as he took off his jumper.

And then the name made his heart twist and his stomach flop, the smell of Lalli’s shampoo on his jumper. Oh, that had really happened. That had really, really happened. Did he just run with it, and hope that Lalli didn’t shy away from him, or did he just act as if it hadn’t happened and continue as usual?

He found himself glancing at the photo Sigrun had taken and decided that no – he ran with it. He felt horribly confused and uncertain, but the thought of being without Lalli hurt terribly and made him feel as though if he put his mind to it, he could cry.

Nobody would have to know, right? He wouldn’t have to endure any awkward family conversations about it, or have to look his parents in the eyes as he told them he wasn’t interested in women. He didn’t have to say a single word to his squad – he knew very well what they thought about people like that, and he certainly didn’t want to know if their threats were serious.

It was weird. Now that he’d had time to mull it over and –quite literally – sleep on it, he felt so much calmer about it all. Oona liked him, and he liked Lalli. That was all there was to it. He could worry about the other things later, and chances were, he wouldn’t have time to worry about this kind of thing with January exams coming up in just over a month. And even better – Christmas break was soon, and then he’d have two weeks entirely Lalli free.

He could do this, he decided. He could do this.

Emil sat at his laptop and pulled up his course homepage, scrolling through to find that days lecture. The next time he glanced at the clock, it was 11am and he _still_ hadn’t showered! With an audible gasp he jumped up and grabbed his toiletries bag, dashing into the bathroom and skidding on the tiles until he bumped into the sink.

_You’ve got time_ , he assured himself. _You have plenty of time_.

He opened the mirror and grabbed his toothbrush, starting when he closed it again. He didn’t recognise the person staring back at him.

That hadn’t happened in…. a while.

Knowing full well that it was ridiculous – he could even hear his father scolding him about it still – he ignored the strange feeling and brushed his teeth, resolutely avoiding looking at himself in the mirror. Any toothpaste still on his face would come off in the shower; it didn’t matter if he washed it off properly.

As he swirled his mouth out with water, he turned on the water and waited for it to heat up. After double and then triple checking that the bathroom door was definitely locked, he stripped off and climbed in under the spray.

If it burned his back, he didn’t notice.

If it burned his feet, he didn’t notice.

It was only when his head started spinning and he was finding it harder and harder to breathe that he realised he was scalding himself. He jumped out of the spray with a yelp and shut off the hot tap completely, standing as far away from the showerhead as he could while he waited for the water to cool down.

_God, get a grip, Emil!_

_Why can’t you just be normal for once!_

Once the last of the suds had been washed and were safely down the drain, Emil towelled himself down as best he could in the bathroom and near enough sprinted into his room. He told himself it was because he was cold. He didn’t acknowledge the thought that it was because he didn’t want to be seen.

He regretted not noticing the water sooner. His back was oh so very sore, and the fabric of the towel hurt terribly. Gritting his teeth, he patted himself dry and tried to ignore the burning sting it left.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He’d have to deal with it, he supposed. It wasn’t as if he could do anything apart from smother it in Aloe Vera (part of him wasn’t even sure if it did anything for this kind of burn) and wait it out – but it was nearing on 12pm and he had food to eat and a lecture to get to.

So he bit his lip and shrugged on his clothes, his fathers voice telling him well done for manning up and putting all that prissy nonsense behind him. That a little pain would do him good in the long run.

Part of him remembered the scratch of dried blood on a shirt, and he quickly supressed the memory.

He didn’t need to go there. Not now.

At exactly midday, he went down into the kitchen and began to boil the kettle, setting his mug out on the side and dumping in some instant coffee powder. He didn’t consider himself to be much of a coffee snob – while his parents would have recoiled at the thought and have possibly fainted at the mere idea of drinking instant coffee, Emil had no such reservations. Coffee was coffee, and it would taste of ass regardless.

While the kettle boiled, he rummaged around in the cupboards to see if there was anything quick he could nibble on. Saltine crackers, a _lot_ of soup, a loaf of hovis, a stack of rye bread rounds that Tuuri had labelled with Lalli’s name, some cereal bars, the weird protein things that Sigrun liked… Emil couldn’t bring himself to look anymore. He didn’t feel that hungry at all, but experience told him that he had to eat something or he’d get sick.

He settled for a cereal bar. Mikkel was in charge of their dinner that evening, which meant he would definitely be eating something ‘ _nutritious’_.

_Healthy things are meant to taste bad_ , Mikkel had insisted. _It’s how you know it’s good for you_.

Eugh.

He drank his coffee as he ate the cereal bar, keeping an eye on the time. He gave his mug a quick rinse before putting it into the dishwasher and setting out.

“Emil!” Sirgun shouted after him, chasing him down the street. “Wait! Wait for me!”

Emil slowed to a stop, watching bemused as Sigrun ran towards him. It was always a sight to see, the tall Norwegian woman running. He wasn’t sure how to describe it other than an art form.

Not that he’d ever, _ever_ tell her that.

“What time do you finish today? My afternoon lecture got cancelled.” Sigrun asked as she caught up, the two settling into a comfortable pace. Thankfully, she had remembered that Emil had little legs.

“Oh? How come?”

“Lecturer has a cold.” Sigrun rolled her eyes. “As if that’s enough to stop someone.”

Emil didn’t know how to reply to that, so he didn’t. “I only have this one lecture. I finish at three.”

“Oh, sweet, same time.” Sigrun punched his shoulder. “Wait for me by the bike rack, we can walk back together.”

“Sure.”

* * *

 

The lecture had chewed him up and spat him back out again.

He found himself wondering why, just _why_ , he had chosen this subject. Why had he even decided to join the army?! It had brought nothing but pain for him! This degree, his shitty squad mates, his unhealthy reliance on coffee!

With a groan, he ran his hand down his face and wished, not for the first time, that he’d chosen an easier degree.

He dug his headphones out of his pocket, unwinding them and plugging them into his ipod and began to look for a song to listen to while we waited when he heard them. He could see Sigrun walking towards him out of the corner of his eye, but his attention was focused elsewhere.

"-little bitch-"

"-mama isn't coming this time-"

"-no one wants you-"

His headphones and iPod were roughly shoved into his pocket. No. _Hell no_. He rounded the corner, ignoring Sigrun calling for him as he stormed forwards. He knew how it felt to be on the receiving ends of those kinds of words, his eyes stinging as his vision turned red. The feel of worn and cracked hands gripping his shirt and holding him a good foot above the ground was one not easily forgotten.

"Let go of him." Emil snapped. "Now."

Three students, easily taller than Emil, turned to face him. Two girls, one boy. Well, Emil supposed, it wouldn't be quite like it was in the army, but it would be close enough.

"Why?" One of the girls sneered, her poorly cut fringe falling in front of her eyes. "What are you going to do about it?"

Emil heard Sigrun stop a few meters behind him, still hidden behind a bush. Hopefully, she'd wait until he really needed her. He didn't want her to put any strain on her arm; it was already making strange noises.

"P-please don't-" the student they had pressed against the wall spluttered. The boy placed his hand over their mouth.

"Make us, pretty boy."

Oh, he would. Emil adjusted his shoulders, zipped up his pocket, and lunged forward.

They weren't expecting it.

His fist connected with the jaw of the one holding the student against the wall. In their shock, they dropped him and stumbled into the person next to them. His next punch didn't go so well, tripping on uneven pavement and snagging his knuckles on an open zip. God, it hurt, but it was so _worth it_. He would have done anything to have someone help him in the army. Fuck, he would have given his _hair_ , just to know that someone cared about him.

Luck only got one so far.

The girl with bad hair, the only one to not be caught in the punches, firmly grabbed Emil by the shoulders and head butted him as hard as she could. Emil cried out in pain as blood near enough exploded from his nose, Sigrun sprinting round the corner.

The mere sight of the red-haired giantess was enough to send the three scrambling to their feet and running away.

"Hey, Emil, when I call you my right hand warrior, I don't literally want you to go starting fights." Sigrun said as she helped Emil back to his feet, fishing in her pocket for a tissue. The student they had against the wall presented an unopened packet of them.

"Thank you... For that." They quietly said. They didn't look either of them in the eye.

"You should thank me." Emil said as he pressed a tissue to his nose, blood quickly blossoming on it. "That hurt."

"I'm so sorry!" The student looked close to tears. "Maybe they were right..."

"They weren't." Emil replied as he inspected his hand, Sigrun having moved off to see if she could spot the three and finish the job. "Look, between you and me, I hate people like that. They're no good savages. You need to stand up for yourself."

"But they're so much bigger and stronger than me-"

"They're bigger and stronger than me, too." Emil cut in, dumping bloody tissues on the ground and holding a fresh bunch to his nose, "But I still did that, didn't I? You just need to persevere."

Sigrun looped back round. "What's your name, kid?" She asked, expertly side stepping the bloody tissues.

"T-Taylor."

"Where do you live? I'll take you back."

"What about-?"

"A friend's coming to help him back." Sigrun replied, patting Emil on the shoulder. "Come on, those three are long gone."

Silently, the two walked away while Emil slumped onto the wall. How dare they leave him here alone, bleeding out! What if he died! It'd be all their fault!

"Emil?" Someone shouted from around the corner. "Emi- oh, Christ!"

Tuuri walked around and visibly balked at the blood. "Are you okay? You look like you fought a bear."

"I got head butted." Emil sulked.

"I'm not even going to ask why." Tuuri sighed. "Come on, I took my bike with me today, it'll be quicker."

"As in your death trap bike?!" Emil panicked, almost dropping his bloody tissue.

"It is _not_ a death trap!" Tuuri whined, "Why do you all think that?!"

"Because it randomly cuts out if you go faster than 30!"

"That's no reason to be afraid, I just stay below 30."

Emil groaned and rubbed his head. It hurt too much for this.

"Fine, death trap it is." Emil ground out. "You did bring a spare helmet, right?"

"Always do." Tuuri cheerfully replied as she handed Emil the spare. "Come on, we'll be home soon."

Emil looked skyward and briefly wondered if it was worth asking any gods that were listening to save his atheist ass.

* * *

 

Emil looked decidedly grumpy as Mikkel cleaned his knuckles with disinfectant, dabbing away with a soaked cotton bud before covering the open wounds with gauze and bandaging them tightly. The Dane swatted Emil's hand away from his nose, gently removing the bloody tissue and inspecting it before gently applying pressure again.

"It should stop soon." Mikkel informed him. "Next time, please ensure that you duck."

Emil grunted in response. His head still hurt.

"Go and rest. I'll bring you dinner in a bit."

Emil thanked him and took the tissue box upstairs with him.

He dragged his bin closer to his bed before slumping down onto it, making sure to keep himself upright. Having a nosebleed while laying down was no fun at all, it got blood _everywhere_. His hair would not be safe at all; blood was a pain to wash out.

Head thudding and hand pulsating, Emil arranged his pillows to better sit against and leaned back. His head swam, memories of his days in the army playing over and over on loop.

When asked why he wanted to take a break to go to university, he had said he'd done it to further his career. To learn new skills to apply to his job.

It wasn't entirely true.

He'd done it to get away from his squad. To get away from the people who didn't think he deserved to be there, who thought less of him because he wasn't as athletically inclined, because he hadn't been able to shake his rich-kid attitude. When he returned - if he returned - he didn't know if he'd be placed into his old squad again, or if he'd be assigned a new one.

God, he hoped he'd have a new squad. The last thing he wanted was to see his old one ever again. Even the ones who weren't actively bullying him were intolerable - they didn't do anything to stop it from happening, didn't want to even associate with him.

"You're an idiot."

Emil balked, head whipping around to his side. He hadn't even heard anyone come in, or noticed them sit down right next to him on the bed.

"Excuse me?" Emil asked incredulously. Lalli frowned for a moment, looking to the side as if remembering the words.

"You're... A stupid thing?"

"I understood what you meant the first time!" Emil indignantly replied, squeezing the bloody tissue to the point where blood oozed out over his fingers. He ignored it in favour of glaring at Lalli.

"Then why ask me to repeat?"

"Because- because it was rude!"

"How? You are an idiot."

Emil huffed as he changed out his tissues, quickly cleaning his hand. Thankfully, the nosebleed had all but stopped, the odd drip coming out now and then. "Why am I an idiot, then?"

"For getting yourself hurt."

"I expected it."

"Still an idiot."

"If you're just going to be rude," Emil said, trying to keep his voice even, "then you can leave."

Lalli made a noise, tucking his knees under his chin. "Why did you do it?"

"Get myself hurt?" At Lalli's nod, he continued, "I didn't want it to continue. Three people had this guy cornered, I didn't want to stand by and let it happen."

"You did this for a stranger." It wasn't a question.

"I did."

Lalli didn't know how to reply to that, so he didn't. Instead, he simply made himself comfortable next to Emil, leaned against his shoulder, and gently pushed his hand back up to his nose.

It was... Nice, Emil supposed. Sitting there with Lalli. He could hear the other breathing if he listened hard enough and held his breath, and he could feel his fingers fiddling with his sleeve.

"Don't do it again." Lalli quietly whispered.

"I won't." Emil replied. He wouldn't... Any time soon. Not while his nose still bled and his pride still stung.

Lalli pulled Emil's hand away from his face and checked the tissue.

"It's stopped."

Emil looked down and sure enough, the tissue was pristine. That was step one out of the way: now to mend his pride.

Wouldn't be happening any time soon, if past experience was anything to go by.

Emil tucked the tissue into his sleeve. His face still ached, and his nose felt oh so very wrong.

Lalli unceremoniously poked it.

Emil helped and jerked away, almost smacking his head into the wall if it weren't for the pillows. "Ouch!"

"I think you need ice." Lalli said, jumping up to his feet.

"There's an ice pack in the freezer." Emil called after him as he took out his phone and used the camera to inspect his face.

Oh, _shit_!

Was it broken?!

Reason told him that he hadn't been hit hard enough for it to break, but panic was screaming 'It's broken!! It's broken!!', and panic _always_ won.

" _Mikkel_!!" Emil sprinted from his room and down the stairs, taking care to not jostle himself too much as he skidded into the kitchen. "Mikkel! Is it broken?!"

Mikkel paused in his retrieval of an ice pack, giving Emil a flat look.

"... Yes. Yes it is."

Wrong thing to say.

Emil sunk to the floor, hands clamped against his cheeks as he made an anguished sound. Emil completely missed Mikkels amused expression.

"Nooooo!"

"Here's an ice pack for the time being." Mikkel said, handing him the blue box wrapped in paper towels. "Don't let it touch your bare skin."

Emil sullenly pressed it against his face. A broken nose, and he didn't even have a good story to go with it! No heroic deeds, no suspenseful chase. No! He just got head butted!

Lalli raised an eyebrow at Emil and patted him on the shoulder as he breezed past him, perching on the arm of the sofa to see what his cousin was up to.

"Oh, Lalli, I was just about to get you!" Tuuri excitedly exclaimed, the TV remote in her hand. "Onni was on TV!"

"Why?"

"He was filmed for a documentary on birds." Reynir replied. "I never knew your brother worked with birds!"

"He's an eagle owl specialist." Tuuri proudly replied. "He works at the sanctuary near where we live."

"That's _so cool!_ " Reynir squeaked. "Come on, play it play it!" He reached over and hit the play button on the remote.

"Hän on asiantuntija tässä nimenomaisessa lajia. Onni, mikä on erikoista nämä linnut?" The man on the TV asked, subtitles appearing on the bottom of the screen. Onni took a moment to reply, but when he did Lalli simply closed his eyes and listened.

It had been a while since he'd heard his cousins voice so clearly without all the static that was common on their Skype calls.

He paid little attention as to what he was actually saying, mostly because he didn't care. Not that he'd ever tell Onni that- his face would probably scrunch up and his eyes would go all weird like they did when one tried to not cry.

Onni was very, very fond of his birds.

As evidenced on the screen. They'd cut away from the interview and showed Onni simply walking through the sanctuary, a huge owl swooping down and landing on his outstretched arm. Onni barely moved with the effort, not even flinching when the owl nipped at his ear and dug it's talons into the flesh of his arm.

"Ne ovat hyvin älykkäitä." Onni said as he fed the owl a dead rodent. "Enemmän on tehtävä suojella pöllöt. Ne eivät ole pelottavia."

Tuuri had tears in her eyes as she grinned widely. "Oh, I'm so proud of him!" She quietly whispered. Reynir barely spared her a glance, transfixed on the screen.

Lalli narrowed his eyes at him. What was he so interested in?

"He's amazing." Reynir murmured in wonderment.

"I'm sorry?" Tuuri asked.

"That's amazing!" Reynir stammered, sitting up just that bit straighter as his face flushed in embarrassment. "Like, the whole owl thing. He's really dedicated. And that he can hold one on an outstretched arm, that's pretty nifty."

"My brother is awesome," Tuuri had both hands on her face now as she leaned into the TV, eyes sparkling. "I'm so glad I get to be his little sister."

"That's not what you said-" Lalli began, but quickly stopped when Tuuri gave him a scathing look. Let her have her moment, damn it!

The documentary cut away to a location in America and Tuuri immediately paused it again.

"I wonder why he didn't tell us he was doing that?" Tuuri wondered aloud. "I'd better go tell him we watched it!"

"Do you think he'd mind if I spoke to him?" Reynir asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, questions! About my degree. He'd know a lot."

"You could do?" Tuuri said, tapping her chin. "But he doesn't really speak much else other than Finnish. He knows a little Icelandic, though he’s not that fluent."

"That's fine!" Reynir replied, "I can fill the gaps."

Tuuri clapped her hands together. "I'll ask him when I call him, then."

"You sure he won't pitch a fit?" Lalli asked her in Finnish. "You know he hates new things."

"So do you." Tuuri shot back. "Besides, it'll do him good to speak to things that aren't owls."

She made a fair enough point. Lalli was pretty sure that all Onni did was cry, and coo over his birds. Tuuri would scold him if he admitted that, though.

Reynir was politely smiling at them, internally screaming. What were they talking about? Had Lalli heard his slip up? Were they debating whether or not to actually ask? Ooh, that didn’t bear thinking about!

Reynir excused himself to start working on a report – a lie; he didn’t even have a report to do! – and skittered away upstairs. He jumped up onto his bed, sitting cross-legged as he picked up his laptop from where it was leant against his bed and opened up youtube. Surely someone would have ripped that bit? Surely it would already be there?

He managed to find the whole documentary (he’d never know how the internet worked so fast to do these kinds of things), so he skipped ahead and watched Onni’s segment again in pure awe.

Oh, dear, this was not good. He didn’t understand a single word the man said, but his voice – soft, yet commanding – and the way he looked at his owls made his heart melt. He made a distressed noise as he buried his face into his hands, curling up over his laptop.

Ugh, he’d never be able to look at Tuuri in the eye again! He’d look at her eyes and see her brothers staring back, and he just knew that his mouth would stick shut and his brain would turn to mush. He always was terrible with crushes.

There was little point in hoping it could become anything, though. He’d never _ever_ go to Finland, and once he’d finished his degree he’d return to Iceland. His chances of ever meeting him were slim, slim, slim. He’d simply ask Onni a few things about his degree, maybe get some professional help from him, and that would be the end of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God bless google translate yet again. Overall gist of the Finnish is “This guys the expert, what is special about these birds?” and “They’re very clever, more needs to be done to protect them. They’re not frightening.”  
> Sorry to the Reynir/Tuuri shippers; I hope you can forgive me. I'm hoping I can make their friendship worth it <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up for some stuff in this chapter;  
> -Mentions of dead animals  
> -Homophobia  
> -Ableism (I think???? Along the lines of such...)  
> Please remember that views expressed by the characters don't reflect on the views of the author <3

"Oh, Emil! What's happened to your face?!"

It had been two whole days since he’d been headbutted. Since then, Oona had almost cried at the injustice (Emil’s ego liked to think that it was because his impressive features had been damaged), Sigrun had laughed at him, and Reynir had offered him another icepack.

Reynir had certainly earned himself points in Emil’s book.

Emil visibly cringed. "N-nothing, I just... Got hit by a stray ball." He quickly lied. He had his headphones in, perched on the edge of his bed so to hide the mess of his room from his parents. "Mikkel assures me it's not broken." He sulkily replied. After a few hours, as Mikkel was handing him his dinner, he had admitted that it was a joke. Apparently, it was _funny_.

It was most certainly _not_.

"Mikkel? Your older housemate, the Dane, yes?"

"Yes."

"Oh, lovely! Do thank him for us."

"I will, mother." He wouldn't.

"How's your course going so far? Well, yes? Have you made any _friends_?"

The way his mother leaned in and quirked her eyebrow suggested that she meant a particular _kind_ of friend. Emil allowed his toes to curl up in embarrassment. No, no, he wouldn't be mentioning _that_.

"The course is as dire as always." Emil dramatically sighed. "I have a few friends, but not the kind you're hoping for."

His mother visibly deflated. "Oh." She replied with disappointment. "Well, I suppose you do have a couple more years yet!"

That he did.

While his parents asked about his cousins, and for more about who he lived with, Lalli sneaked in.

Emil was still preoccupied with his laptop, speaking in Swedish and oblivious to Lalli creeping towards him.

Lalli was very opposed to being ignored. So, he climbed up next to Emil on the bed and leaned against his shoulder.

Emil nearly bent the headphone jack as he launched his laptop from his lap in shock.

" _Lalli_! Christ, don't do that!"

Emil cringed and rubbed at his sore ears as he picked his laptop back up, checked it for damage, and returned to his previous position. Lalli simply returned his head to his shoulder and gave him a devious smirk.

"Who's that?" His mother asked curiously. "Let us say hello! Unplug your headphones!"

"He doesn't speak Swedish." Emil replied. "This is Lalli, he's cousins with Tuuri. The girl you spoke to last time?"

"Ah! Lovely! Hello, Lalli!"

"He can't hear you."

"Unplug your headphones then, boy!" His father insisted.

"Alright, then." Emil unplugged his headphones.

"My parents want to say hello," Emil said to Lalli, who just shrugged and stared at the screen. Unseen by the camera, Lalli had captured one of Emil's hands and was playing with it, fingers tracing the patterns of his palm and fiddling with the fabric of his jumper.

"Hej, Lalli! Hur mår du?"

Lalli frowned and released Emil's jumper to awkwardly wave. Hello, strange people?

"He really doesn't speak any Swedish?" His father asked in surprise. "Why haven't you been teaching him?"

"I've taught him a little!" Emil argued. "But English is just easier... We all speak it, so..."

"Lalli, är du hans vän?" His father asked.

Lalli seemed to consider this for a moment.

"Jag är hans pojkvän."

The Västerström's faces all fell in unison. Emil slowly turned redder and redder, becoming visibly flustered.

"Lalli! Where did you learn that?!"

Lalli shrugged. "Those weird dramas you sometimes watch."

"Emil?!" His father choked out, his mother off screen but audibly choking on something. Perhaps she had taken a sip at the wrong moment?

"He's still learning," Emil hastily tried to smooth over, "he's not sure what he's just said-"

"Did you teach him that?"

"What? No! Why would I?"

"You always liked to give us heart attacks." His father cooly replied. "We didn't raise a _queer_."

Well, Emil internally thought, you _did_.

Would he tell them that? Hel no.

"It was just a misunderstanding." Emil replied. Lalli was looking between the screen and Emil with a worried expression. Had he messed up? Had he misinterpreted something again?

"Good." His father nodded. "It's getting late. We'll talk tomorrow, son."

"Goodnight."

The call ended and the two sat on the bed in a tense silence.

"Did I say it wrong?" Lalli quietly asked.

"Are you aware of what pojkvän means?" Emil asked just as quietly.

"A male friend?"

"Boyfriend. Someone you're romantically involved with."

Emil felt Lalli's fingers stiffen.

"Oh."

A beat of silence.

"I'm sorry."

Emil exhaled heavily through his nose and ran his free hand through Lalli's hair. "It's fine, they know you're not a native speaker."

"They sounded angry."

"Just... Confused."

Lalli awkwardly nodded. His fingers didn't relax and begin to trace the patterns again.

"Are they mad?"

"They'll get over it." Emil assured him. "It's their own problem if they don't."

"... Are _you_ mad?"

Was he angry? No. Was he embarrassed? A little. But he was more upset because of stupid reasons he didn't know the name of.

He gave Lalli a reassuring smile. "I'm not angry, no."

Lalli let go of Emil's hands in favour of rummaging in his pocket, digging out a small Chapstick sized object. He pressed it into Emil's hands and curled his fingers over it before giving them a pat. "For you."

"What is it?"

"For your bruise. It will make it fade faster."

Emil was only too quick to uncap it and begin rubbing it against his nose.

"How much faster?!"

Lalli shrugged. "A couple days?"

It was as good as he was going to get, he supposed. Far better than nothing!

"Thank you, I appreciate it." Emil said handing it back to him. Lalli shook his head and pushed it back towards him.

"Until it's gone."

Emil nodded and leaned over to put it onto his bedside table.

“Did you want to help me do the grocery shop?” Emil asked. Technically it was Mikkel’s turn – punishment for picking on Emil, Sigrun had said – but Emil wanted some fresh air and a walk, and he had some stuff he’d wanted to pick up anyway.

Lalli seemed to think about it for a moment.

“Okay. I’ll change.”

Emil was about to tell him that what he was wearing was fine until he realised that it was his hoodie.

_His_ hoodie. That his parents had seen _him_ wearing.

Well, _shit_.

They hadn’t said anything about it at the time – Emil hoped that meant that they hadn’t noticed.

Lalli himself was blissfully unaware of any kind of implication it could have. In his room, he stripped off the hoodie, placing it carefully under his bed, and took off the thin shirt underneath. He picked out another jumper of his – a chunky knitted one that Tuuri had bought him for his birthday last year – and wriggled into it before leaving his room. He took the shopping list from the fridge as he walked past it, pausing for a moment to inspect it before going to pull on his shoes. Emil came down a moment later carrying his wallet and the grocery funds.

“All ready?” He asked.

Lalli nodded.

The two put their coats on before stepping outside, arctic wind immediately slapping them in the face. Emil pulled his hat down further on his head, firmly covering his ears. Lalli tightened his hood.

Walking to the supermarket wasn’t so bad. Despite the frigid air and the brutal wind, so long as one kept moving it wasn’t awful, and the trees and buildings around them offered some refuge from the weather. They got to the supermarket more or less in the same state as they’d left the house, if a little windswept.

“What was first on the list?” Emil asked as he wriggled his hat off and stuffed it into his pocket.

“Milk.”

As they walked towards the dairy aisle, Lalli quickly grabbed onto Emil’s sleeve while taking down his hood with his other hand. The supermarket was blissfully quiet, no one around to stare at them and make Lalli feel the need to run away and hide somewhere, and no one who Emil knew who would interrogate him about it later.

Just the way they both liked it.

Once they grabbed a pint of milk, the two quickly realised that they didn’t grab a basket. Emil gave the milk to Lalli and told him to go get one while he picked out the bread, and once he saw him turn the corner, he set off in the opposite direction to the bread aisle…

… to the tobacco counter. The man at the counter barely glanced up at him.

“The usual?” He asked.

“Yes, please.” Emil replied as he took out his wallet ready to pay. The man nodded and turned, unlocking the cabinet behind him and opening the door before taking out two packets of cigarettes and putting them into a little white bag.

“That your housemate?” The man asked, nodding in the direction of the entrance. “He know about this?”

“He doesn’t.” Emil replied as he handed him the money. “And I’d rather it remained that way.”

“Fair dos. Here’s your change, you’d better hurry to whatever you were supposed to get.”

“Thanks.” Emil replied before quickly hurrying towards the bakery section.

He grabbed a loaf of tiger bread as he skidded past, coming to a stop a few paces away from the baguettes just as Lalli came around the corner.

“Tiger bread okay with you?” He asked somewhat breathlessly.

“Why are you breathing weirdly?” Lalli asked as he held out the basket so Emil could put the bread in.

“Am I?” Emil fought harder to control his breathing. “Must have a blocked nose or something.”

Lalli didn’t believe it for a second, but he decided to not push it. Calling people out on their lies didn’t tend to end well in the past, even in his native language.

The two continued hunting down everything on their list, finally ending up in the biscuit aisle. Lalli’s eyes went wide as he stared at all the brightly coloured packaging.

Emil raised a single finger.

“You may have _one_.”

Lalli ran around, carefully inspecting every single package he came across. Every so often, he would show one to Emil and ask him what he thought of it before putting it back and grabbing another.

“What about these?” Lalli asked as he picked up a packet of Viennese, carefully reading the back of the packaging.

“They’re my favourite.” Emil admitted. Lalli nodded and deposited the biscuits into the basket before turning back to Emil.

“That’s everything.”

“You sure you want those?” Emil asked in surprise. Usually Lalli didn’t tend to like the things he did – he’d turned his nose up at picked herring and ginger snaps (although that may partly have been due to the fact he’d eaten both at the same time as he was too exhausted to eat anything else).

“If I don’t like them I can always make you eat them.”

That was fair enough, Emil supposed.

They paid and left, two plastic bags between them. Lalli still hadn’t let go of his sleeve.

Emil felt a warm feeling swell in his chest.

He only had a 1 hour lecture that day, so after he’d been shopping with Lalli he’d left him to put it away as he grabbed his bag and left. The lecture was simply a revision one, given that their exam for that semester was next week, but Emil knew that he’d be needing all the help he could get.

Once home, he immediately went up to his room and took out all his note cards, updating them with new information and trying to memorise as much as he could.

Chemistry could _kiss his ass._

* * *

 

“Why was that boy wearing your hoodie?” His father asked later that night. Emil blanched.

“He was?”

“Don’t act coy.”

Emil wished his mother was there. She always managed to make it easier. With an internal sigh, he switched tabs from the one with his half-finished report to the one with his father’s pissed-off face. He wasn’t going to be getting anything done now.

“He probably took it out the wash for himself, he likes baggy clothes. I’ve let him do it before.”

His fathers face scrunched up, clearly still not 100% on board with the idea. Emil had the horrid feeling that he’d need to bite his tongue in the coming moments.

“ _Why_ does he like them?” His father carefully asked. Emil knew it was a loaded gun.

“Tuuri claims it’s comforting for him.”

“Is he right in the head?”

“Does it matter?” Emil coldly replied.

“I don’t want you living with some kind of fr-“

Emil almost slammed the lid of his laptop down. _How dare he_!

“Lalli,” Emil carefully snapped, “Is my _friend_. You wont speak about him like that.”

“I will do as I like!”

“Then I’ll speak to you after the holidays.” Emil replied. “Tell mother I hope she enjoys her vacation with Siv and Trobjörn.”

“Don’t you dare hang up on me, bo-!”

Emil hung up.

He was going to be getting an absolute earful for that, he was certain. Perhaps his parents would even drag his aunt and uncle into this, the poor souls, but he wasn’t going to sit there and listen while his father spoke about Lalli like that. No chance in Hel.

His report forgotten – he was too angry to think about working on it now anyway – he dug into his coat pocket and took out the white plastic bag, taking out one of the packets of cigarettes and opening it.

It was late. No one would come into his room unannounced now – he could hear Sigrun snore, Reynir was showering, and Mikkel probably downstairs helping Tuuri. He stuck one in his mouth, opening up his window and leaning out as he lit it and inhaled deeply.

_Ugh_. He’d wanted to kick this habit, too. He’d bought a packet for Saturday – he seemed to smoke more when he was drinking – but this packet was meant to last him until New Year. With every drag it seemed less and less likely.

His hands were shaking as he picked up the box again, his first now just a stub in his mouth. Did he have another? Did that count as chain-smoking? Would it damage him faster?

He did what he always did to convince himself to put the box back down. He thought of his parents faces, wrought with disappointment and anger. He thought of his cousins, of Sune looking up at him with the biggest eyes as he said that he wanted to try it too, that he wanted to be just like Emil. He thought of Lalli, his face scrunching as the smell of smoke hit him and looking at him in disgust.

That last one was new, and it alone was enough for Emil to throw the carton across the room.

No. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. He snubbed out the end and dropped it into the water dish he had by his window. He’d chuck it out in the morning, when he was sure it was extinguished and wouldn’t set fire to anything.

He closed his window and stripped off his jumper, annoyed that he hadn’t thought to take it off before, and dumped it into his wash basket. He’d deal with that later – right now, he was too pissed off. How dare his father act like that? Lalli was his friend, and he’d be damned if he let anyone treat him like that.

How he’d been given the world’s shittiest parents, Emil didn’t know, but he wasn’t about to accept his lot in life. No Sire, not today!  
His laptop chimed at him. Emil lay flat on his bed as he looked at his laptop, hunting for the source.

He’d received a message from his mother.

_Email,_

_Please try to be kinder to your father. He’d only doing what he thinks is best for you._

_Will be thinking of you on the holiday, darling! I’ll try and bring a curio back for you._

_Much love,_

_Helga_

Emil read over it for a moment before sighing heavily. He didn’t have anything to reply with, so he simply closed the tab and stared blankly at his report.

Right, Emil, think. What do you know?

* * *

 

When Lalli woke up the next morning, his ear felt like someone was ruthlessly stabbing it with a red-hot poker. He hissed and clamped his hand to it, wincing as it only served to intensify the pain.

His hand came away wet, and the fluid on it smelled _awful_. An exploration of his pillow proved that it didn’t come away unscathed, and with a bitter groan he rolled out from under his bed and dragged the pillow with him.

He’d need to wash it – there was no way he would be sleeping on that.

Stripping his pillow down, he put it in his wash basket before taking that through into the kitchen, depositing it by the washing machine. It was blessedly empty, so he put his things in and left it open for someone else to fill up the other half. Next was finding Mikkel.

He was easy enough to find. Lalli had simply scratched at his bedroom door and the Dane had quickly opened it and blankly stared down at him.

“Can I assist you?”

“My ear hurts.”

Mikkel held back a sigh and nodded, waving him in as he took a small torch out from his bedside cabinet and gestured for Lalli to sit on his computer chair. He carefully shone it in and peered inside.

“It looks inflamed. Perhaps it’s infected.”

Lalli shuddered at the thought. Infected meant doctors and doctors meant prodding and hands where he didn’t want them.

“You should see a doctor.” Mikkel continued as if Lalli hadn’t reacted at all. “You’ll need antibiotics, or it will get worse.”

Lalli grumbled and wriggled away from him. “I’ll mention it to Tuuri.” He replied before scampering away.

He would _not_ be mentioning it to Tuuri. She would force him to go to the doctors, and that was the last thing he wanted. It would go on its own, he was very much sure of.

Only it didn’t.

Throughout the day, while he was wrapped in his duvet and warm in his bed, his laptop heating up his thighs to burning point, his ear got worse and worse. Even after he’d shrugged off the duvet and taken off Emil’s hoodie, he was still far too warm. Even now, his bedroom window wide open, laptop turned off and on the other side of the room, stripped down to a pair of running shorts and a vest, he was still _boiling_.

His phone chimed, the sound grating on his nerves and forcing him to cover his ears and loudly curse. Fuck, but it _hurt_! He blearily opened his eyes, one watering, as he crawled over to it and checked.

And set it to Do Not Disturb, for good measure.

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** I’ve booked you your doctor’s appointment, Mikkel told me your ear is inflamed. It’s tomorrow morning at 11am. Please don’t miss it!

He loudly groaned into his mattress. _Meddling cousin_!

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Let me know when you get this.

Lalli sluggishly unlocked his phone with one hand, his face mashed into the mattress. Uuuuggghhhhh.

**Lalli Cat** : Got it.

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** I can hear you groaning, by the way.

**Lalli Cat:** Good.

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Want me to go with you?

**Lalli Cat** : I’d rather go with Emil.

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** I’ll ask him.

Lalli shoved his phone off the bed and resumed his faceplanting. He was glad he didn’t have any reports or papers due in; he’d finished them all last week and handed them all in as soon as he’d typed the last word. No use in sitting on them, none at all. He wanted them gone, done and dusted, so he had time to focus on his exam.

And not get sick! He didn’t have time to get sick! He had to go with Emil on Saturday, he had to stay by Emil and protect him. Oona felt like a spiritual black hole, taking everything in, snatching it away and distorting it until it was unrecognisable. He didn’t want that to happen to Emil. Anyone but Emil, he was soft and kind with round edges. The rough and ragged edges Oona would give him wouldn’t suit him; the bitter taste he’d leave behind would tear him apart.

Lalli groaned and fisted the mattress cover. This was awful. What could he say to Emil to make him understand? He didn’t have the words in English, and he certainly didn’t have them in Swedish if the other day was anything to go by. He closed his eyes and tried to think, to get his head to stop spinning.

They shot open again when he felt something cold being pressed against his forehead. He didn’t remember turning onto his back, nor hearing someone enter. Had he fallen asleep? Or was he really that disorientated?

Emil was above him and was quietly saying something to him. Lalli frowned. What language was that? It certainly wasn’t Finnish. As his head cleared and waves stopped crashing in his ears, he finally began to understand.

“You’re so hot,” Emil said, although it sounded more like he was talking to himself. “I hope this is okay.”

“Your bruise is gone.” Was all Lalli found himself saying.

“Thanks for that.” Emil smiled down at him. “Did you want to go under your bed to sleep?”

“You should smile more.” Lalli said as he rubbed at his eyes. They stung a little. “I won’t be able to see it under there.”

Emil didn’t quite know what to do with that information. Lalli didn’t notice the look on his face, now scrubbing at his eyes while making a dissatisfied noise. Had he gotten something in them?!

He felt something wonderfully cool being pulled over him, and he looked down to see that Emil had pulled the duvet over him. “I’ll go with you tomorrow,” Emil said, “but please drink your water.” He pointed at the water bottle on his bedside table. Huh, he didn’t remember that being there. Maybe Emil had brought it in? “You need to drink something.”

Lalli shakily pushed himself up, catching himself on the wall as his head started spinning. He felt as though his head was full of cotton wool, his arms dead weights. Emil, bless him, opened the bottle for him and handed it to him, keeping his hand on the bottom to steady it as Lalli took a sip.

“It tastes gross.” Lalli replied, pulling a face.

“It’s normal water.” Emil insisted. “Just a little more?”

Lalli relented and had a few more sips before he pushed the bottle away and turned his face towards the wall.

He heard Emil put it back down, and the bed creak as he stood up. The Swede moved five paces to the left, and the room got darker.

Lalli looked up at his window. Emil had drawn his curtains.

“I’ll be back later.” Emil promised as he put Lalli’s phone back within his reach. “If you need me, just text, okay?”

Lalli didn’t have the energy to nod, so he simply closed his eyes and ducked his head under the duvet.

* * *

 

After a night spent tossing and turning in worry, Emil hauled himself out of bed at 2.50am and got dressed. He had a feeling that todays run was going to be awful, but Sigrun didn’t allow to little excuses like that.

_I know all the rookie tricks_ , she had said the last time Emil had tried that. _You can’t fool me!_

So he simply pulled on his bottoms and sluggishly padded downstairs.

“It looks like it’s going to rain.” Sigrun said as she came down a moment later. “Do you have a raincoat?”

He did. Emil quickly grabbed it and put it on, making sure his phone was secure in the internal pocket before zipping it up. The two shared a look, nodding at each other before quietly leaving the house.

So far, so good. They got as far as the market square without a hitch, until-

“Is that a cat?” Emil had asked, slowly coming to a stop. He’d taken out his earphones and was listening intently.

“It’s probably nothing.” Sigrun replied, backtracking slightly.

“No,” Emil turned his music off entirely, “that’s definitely a cat.”

Sigrun strained her ears, and sure enough, she could hear a very, very faint meowing.

Emil had taken off in the direction of the sound, Sigrun pelting after him. And there – in a gap in the wall where the bricks had been knocked loose was a pair of bright, bright blue eyes and a soft pink nose.

“It’s a _kitten_!” Emil exclaimed, kneeling down next to it. “Where’s its mother?”

Sigrun looked around them, hoping no one was staring out their bedroom windows at them with their fingers twitching over 999. Her heart stopped when she noticed how close to the road they were. There was a fluffy lump on the road, just a bit too big to be a discarded hat. Slowly, she walked over.

Well, she thought as she bit her cheek. There’s the mum.

“Are there any others in there?” Sigrun asked. Emil shrugged.

“I haven’t checked.”

Emil carefully took out the kitten – it was shaking hard and weakly meowing as Sigrun took it and held it close to her chest, gently stroking it with two fingers. He peered in to look for more, taking out what he found.

One.

Two.

Three.

_Four_.

Sigrun stopped counting after that.

“That’s the last one.” Emil weakly said. “What should we do?”

“We can’t leave this one.” Sigrun replied. “Take the kitten back home, I’ll deal with this. Okay?”

Emil took the kitten from Sigrun. “Okay.” He quietly replied. Sigrun watched him carefully wrap it up in his coat before running away in the direction of their house. She turned back to the dead kittens laying on the floor.

How _awful_.

As gently as she could, using her prosthetic arm to brace herself against the wall as she crouched down, she picked up the kittens and carefully deposited them back into the hole.

At least they’d managed to save one.

One was enough. One was better than none at all.

Emil, however, was fighting hard to not cry. _Don’t be sad about this_ , he scolded himself. _It’s not worth it. You got one. You saved one. It’s enough_.

The bitter sting in his eye told him that it wasn’t.

“Mikkel!” Emil hissed as he wrestled the front door open. “Mikkel! We need medical care!”

Thankfully, the Dane was awake. He nearly tripped over a chair leg in his hurry to get over, his expression wrought with worry.

“Who needs medical assistance?!”

“A cat does!”

Mikkel’s expression dropped. Oh, Emil _had_ to be joking. But as Emil carefully unwrapped the bundle in his arms, he realised that no, he was not.

“… Go fetch a blanket.”

Emil set off to do just that. Sigrun came stumbling in a few moments later, rushing to the bathroom to thoroughly scrub her hands before she left to help (read: watch) Mikkel.

“Is it going to make it?” She asked. Emil handed Mikkel the blanket he’d found in the airing cupboard as he glanced between the two.

“Most likely.” Mikkel replied, carefully wrapping her up in the plush fabric. “Emil, go wash your hands. Sigrun, boil the kettle, please.”

As Emil washed his hands, Tuuri emerged from her room, rubbing tiredly at her eyes.

“What’s going on?”

“We found a kitten.” Sigrun replied, gesturing to the fuzzy lump on the table. They were still quietly meowing, a good sign according to Mikkel, and nibbling at the warm tuna Sigrun was feeding them. She gestured for Tuuri to take over as she made to lean against the kitchen counter.

“So what’re we going to do about it?” Sigrun asked.

“Caigslist, perhaps.”

“What?!” Tuuri squeaked. “No! Please, please, _please_ can we keep it?!”

“What do you suggest happens to it when we leave?” Mikkel countered. “It’s unlikely we’ll be able to take it out of the country.”

“Emil’s aunt and uncle can take it.”

“They already have a cat.”

“An extra friend!”

Mikkel simply sighed and resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose.

Emil emerged from the bathroom, patting his hands dry. “Are we going to keep it?” He asked.

Mikkel sighed and looked up at the ceiling. He felt horribly outnumbered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My phone kept autocorrecting Emil to Email, and the one time I wanted Email it changed it to Emil! Nngh!
> 
> Lalli has a middle ear infection! As far as I’m aware, it’s not contagious. Annoyingly, as I was writing this, I got one too!! Ugh!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up for what some may view as underage drinking – where I live the legal age is 18 so they’re all of age to me, but from what I understand it’s 21 in America. Not sure about the rest of Europe; I know it ranges from 16 onwards though.

Mikkel had taken the kitten to the vets as soon as she had perked up, now actively seeking out the warm tuna Emil was carefully feeding her. They had borrowed the spare cat carrier Bosse had outgrown, the inside lined with fluffy blankets and a hot water bottle.

There was no chip to be found, nor did they know of any missing pets. Given a clean bill of health – surprising, given her circumstances – the kitten was brought back home and left to the mercy of the students.

“Siv said that they can help look after her.” Emil said as he stroked her behind the ear, the kitten pushing insistently into his hand. “She can stay with them until we finish university. I’m sure we can work out getting her a passport in the mean time.”

“I don’t think Onni will like her.” Tuuri frowned, admiring the heart shape on her forehead. “Otherwise I’d be first in line for her.”

Whatever Reynir was going to say was cut off by Tuuri’s phone going off. She quickly answered it, hurrying off into the other room.

“Hello?” She greeted, the smile quickly falling from her face. “Oh, oh dear. Okay then. Thanks for letting us know. Yes, Sunday morning is fine. Yes. Okay, then. Thank you, bye.”

She put the phone down, a thunderous look on her face.

Emil was almost hesitant to ask.

Almost.

“What’s wrong?”

“They’ve just cancelled Lalli’s doctors appointment.” Tuuri seethed. “They’ve called in sick today.”

“Oh, dear. That’s awful.”

Tuuri folded her arms over her chest, face set in a pout. “Too right. Ugh!”

“So what should we do for Lalli?” Emil asked. He didn’t want to make his ear any worse.

“I…” Tuuri rested her cheek in her palm. “don’t know. I guess keep quiet around him?”

Seemed easy enough to do.

Reynir crept into his room holding a tray containing a thermos flask filled with peppermint tea and a plate with a couple pieces of rye bread and sprinted out a moment later, clutching his nose.

“ _He hit me_!”

Sigrun had found that hysterical, so while Mikkel sighed and took a look at Reynir’s nose she watched and snickered into her hands. Tuuri had, thankfully, gone into her room and so missed the exchange. Emil didn’t doubt for a second that she would have stormed in and scolded him, the ‘keep quiet’ rule be damned.

* * *

 

Saturday arrived. Emil felt nervous, nervous as _fuck_.

So he did what he could - _distract_ himself. He busied himself with fussing with Sigruns hair - the _monster_ thought it would be fine to let it air dry and then brush it, but he wouldn't be having any of that. When she'd left the bathroom, he'd cornered her with the help of Tuuri and the two had managed to wrestle her down and blow-dry it so it wouldn't be the mess of a mop it usually was.

Sigrun hadn't been too pleased, but it had greatly amused her to watch the pair try and knock her down.

While Tuuri got to convincing Sigrun that makeup was a fantastic idea, Emil moved onto his next target. Reynir.

That maggot of his was getting untangled and rebraided into a fishtail.

Thankfully, Reynir wasn't opposed to the idea at all and was more than happy to help brush it out and sit still while Emil plaited it.

"Do you know where she lives?" Reynir asked as he inspected the braid. Very well done - provided the night didn't get too messy, he wouldn't have to redo it for a while.

"About 20 minutes from campus." Emil replied as he brushed the stray hairs from his jeans. "I've got the address and the map on my phone."

"Sweet, this is gunna be good!"

Emil hoped the same, but he couldn't stop the disappointment about Lalli.

When Reynir had trotted off to find Mikkel and badger him about something or other, Emil grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge before he walked over to Lalli's door and gently knocked before entering.

The curtains were still drawn, the lights entirely off. He could see a lump on the bed - a testament to how shit Lalli really felt. If he didn't have the energy to crawl under the bed, he must have really felt awful.

Emil put the bottle down on the bedside table and sat down next to him on the bed, reaching out to run his fingers through his hair. Sweat beaded on his hairline, making his hair stick to his face and the back of his neck.

If it were anyone else, Emil would have thought it was gross.

He adjusted the covers, pulling them up over his bare shoulders and tucking him in. Lalli scrunched his face and squirmed, an eye cracking open to peer at him.

"I'm sorry," Emil whispered, "I know you're warm but you have to."

Lalli didn't reply, but it wasn't as if he was expecting him to.

Emil patted Lalli on the shoulder and stood up. Lalli made a panicked noise and his hand shot out, grabbing Emil's wrist and weakly tugging him back.

"Älä mene" Lalli breathlessly forced out. "Haluttaa."

Emil had no idea what he had just said. None the less, the intention was clear; Lalli wanted him to stay.

So stay Emil did. He sunk back down on the bed, not protesting or resisting as Lalli crawled up onto his lap.

"If I get sick, I will be most displeased." Emil grumbled as Lalli pressed his face into Emil's neck. He felt horribly clammy, his shoulders trembling even as Emil pulled the duvet back over him. While Lalli grabbed fistfuls of his jumper, Emil wrapped his arms around him and hummed a tune he vaguely remembered a nanny singing to him when he was very, very young.

"When will you be back?" Lalli quietly asked. He had slowly stopped shaking, his hands relaxing on their hold of his jumper as he panted hot air across Emil's collar.

"Soon." Emil promised. He knew he wouldn't be able to stay long, not when Lalli was like this. He'd worry too much.

That, and he was _terrified_ of confronting Oona.

"Promise?"

"I promise. You won't even know I was gone."

Lalli reluctantly accepted that. He slowly slid off his lap, wincing and grumbling as he sunk back down into his pillows.

"Sleep well." Emil quietly said as he ran his fingers through his hair one last time before quietly leaving, Lalli staring at his back as he left.

"I can't without you." He quietly said to the empty room.

* * *

 

After the kitten had been secured in their carry case, a dish of water and a microwave beanie provided for her, they had left. While Siv and Torbjörn _had_ offered to look after her, she was still their kitten and none of them really wanted to send her off.

Sigrun was nattering away to Mikkel, laughing over how they were likely to be the oldest people there, while Tuuri chatted away to Reynir in Icelandic.

Leaving Emil to himself and his thoughts.

How he hated them.

He wasn't worried about drinking - the army had the tendency to give one a liver of steel so he wasn't worried about being a lightweight. Experience told him he could handle more than one thought, and he'd suffer little repercussion the next day beyond a headache and an unsettled stomach. No, he was worried about what was about to happen. He couldn't rely on alcohol as a buffer - he would need far too much than what was considered acceptable and he'd have to drink it way too fast. So there was nothing he could do to calm his nerves.

He wasn't sure why he was getting so wound up over this.

All too soon, they arrived. Others had already arrived, music thrumming through the windows and making their teeth rattle. Sigrun looked very, _very_ excited about it while Mikkel looked slightly concerned. They barely had to knock before Oona came flying out, slamming into Emil with a full bodied hug.

"I'm so glad you could come!" She squeaked before realising that there were people behind him. She quickly let go and stood back, waving at them.

"Hi! I'm Oona, it's so good to meet you all!"

"I'm Tuuri, Emil's housemate." Tuuri greeted, accepting the hug Oona gave her. All the introductions went similarly, bar Mikkel who had quite literally picked her up as he greeted her. Oona gave a delighted shout and said it had reminded her of her brother.

Instant points for Mikkel.

Once inside, Sigrun had magically disappeared only to reappear by the rugby team, a red cup of what could only be pure alcohol in hand and demand an arm wrestle from each of them. While Mikkel quickly ran over to stop any potential carnage (Sigrun was _ruthless_ ), the three younger adults stood together awkwardly.

"So... Drinks, then?" Reynir tried. They couldn't really argue with that.

While Tuuri made herself the fruitiest cocktail Emil had ever seen in his entire life, Reynir tried to find something familiar.

"I don't know what _any_ of this is." He whined, hands on his cheeks in shame. Emil managed to tear his eyes away from Tuuri to help.

"What kind of thing do you like?" He asked, almost shouting over the music.

"Uhm, sweet things I guess?" Reynir replied. Emil nodded, assuming that Reynir had never had a single drop of alcohol in his life and grabbed the closest sweetest thing.

A bottle of mango sourz.

"Pass the lemonade." Emil ordered as he poured a shot into Reynirs cup. Reynir did as asked, watching intently as Emil filled it with lemonade.

"Try this."

Reynir took a hesitant sip before his face brightened.

"It tastes like gummy bears!"

Emil had the terrible feeling that he'd created a monster.

"I know! It's good, right?"

"So good! I didn't know alcohol was this tasty!"

Emil had been right, then. Reynir had never ever drunk in his life.

"It's not!" Emil insisted. "Just stick to that one, okay?"

"Okay!" He replied in the voice he used when he wasn't intending on keeping to his promise.

Emil knew the hangover tomorrow would sort him out.

He just turned back to the alcohol table and looked at his choices.

He settled for a beer, cracking it open and quickly sipping off the foam that erupted from the top. Glancing around, he saw that Tuuri was already off and mingling with swathes of people, Reynir had a group of girls all fawning over his braid (he felt a stab of pride at that one), and Mikkel had failed in his attempt to prevent the rugby team from getting embarrassed.

Thankfully, they appeared to accept Sigrun into their ranks and appeared to be swapping stories, grisly ones, if Mikkels face was anything to go by.

He felt someone tap on his shoulder. Oona grinned up at him, a brightly coloured cocktail in hand.

"We're about to play a drinking game," she began, batting her eyes at him, "would you like to join?"

"Sure."

She took him by the hand and lead him towards a huge circle of people. There was a stack of plastic shot glasses in the middle along with a _lot_ of cheap vodka and jäger.

Emil could already tell he'd be enjoying himself.

He spotted Tuuri at the other side of the circle, with Reynir next to her. He waved and was about to join them when Oona insistently tugged him in the other direction.

Emil was seated to her right, his other side occupied by one of her friends.

He shared a look with Tuuri across the circle. She barely hid her laughter. Then, a couple to her left, he spotted Dylan and gave them a grin and a wave. They were only too happy to return it, giving him a thumbs up.

The door was closed, and almost miraculously they could hear each other over the music. Oona cleared her throat and waved her phone to get everyone's attention.

"So! To keep this interesting, we'll be taking these from an app!" She announced, showing the room her phone screen. There were three boxes underneath a passage of text; truth, dare, and skip. Emil couldn't read the text fast enough but he assumed that it was explaining the rules of the game.

"We'll go clockwise in the circle. For truths, if you've done it or would do it, you must take a shot. For dares, it falls to a victim of the persons choosing."

"Let's go!" One of Oona's friends whooped. Emil supposed that he really had to learn their names.

It began tame. Simple things, like 'have you ever skipped a lecture?' And 'do you have a crush on a lecturer?'. Then it became more personal. 'Have you kissed a housemate?' And 'have you fucked a lecturer?' (Emil suspected that one was heavily paraphrased). By the time it got to Reynir, bless his soul, he could barely read it without choking in embarrassment. Tuuri had taken pity and read it out for him.

"Would you- oh, gods, would you ever have a three-way with anyone in the room?"

Emil watched in horror as Oona didn't even hesitate before taking a shot. Part of him wanted to know just who with, but the other part of him, the more sane part, really didn't want to know.

"What's with these questions?!" Emil asked in quiet horror.

Tuuri mouthed the words 'I really don't know' back.

"And after that train wreck," the man sitting next to Reynir laughed, phone in hand; "have you ever been kissed?"

Emil could feel Oona watching him. With hands slightly shaking, he poured himself a shot. He was highly aware that it was his first one on this particular topic - his sexual encounters were far and few between, and as his squad in Sweden had described him, 'horrifically vanilla'. As such, he hadn't had to take as many shots as most of the other players

He barely even flinched as it went down. Oona looked equally impressed and concerned.

It tasted like cheap vodka and was totally and utterly _disgusting_.

"Pass that shit here," the next person said, snatching the phone. She pushed her thick curls out of her face, hesitantly reading the screen. "The shuffle on this is fucked," she swore, rubbing at the bridge of her nose before she continued. "Right, kids, shots if you've ever had a crush on the opposite sex."

Emil knew he didn't have to take the shot. He knew he didn't have to. No one else would know - but he saw Dylan looking straight at him and he knew that he had to.

Or Dylan would know that he'd copped out.

That Dylan would know he was a wimp.

So, he poured himself a shot.

He vaguely noticed Tuuri and Reynir enthusiastically filling their shot glasses, linking arms as they took theirs at the same time. He didn't have anyone to link up with - Oona was too busy staring intently at the carpet and her friend to his other side hadn't poured herself a shot.

So he took his in one swift movement.

"I _knew_ it!" Dylan loudly cheered, upsetting a vodka bottle. Emil was thankful someone had thought to screw the lid back on.

"Knew what?" Someone asked. Emil didn't notice who.

"That Em-"

Whatever Dylan was going to say was interrupted by something slamming into the door, followed by muffled shouting in what sounded suspiciously like Sigruns voice.

Emil was immediately on his feet and running towards the door, internally cursing and blessing Sigrun in unison. Tuuri was behind him a moment later, and then Reynir.

Emil threw open the door only to quickly dodge a rugby player, their mass falling into the room. He peered around the door frame to see a wonderfully drunk Sigrun, arm braced as though ready to punch again.

"Sigrun, no!" Emil shouted as he shot out, jumping over the man currently sprawled on the floor.

Who knew that drunk Sigrun loved to fight?

"Sigrun yes!" Sigrun hollered back, running away from Emil. Tuuri ran after her as best as she could, pleading for Sigrun to stop running away. Mikkel was, suspiciously, nowhere to be found.

Reynir was helping the man up off the floor, and Emil stood uselessly in the hall.

Every fibre of his being screamed at him to run. To go home.

So, he did.

He quickly jumped out the living room window, not knowing for the life of him why he didn't go through the door like a normal human being, and ran down the path. Oona knew now - the look in her eyes told Emil enough to know - and so the confrontation was nigh. Alcohol was burning his cheeks, and he was fairly certain that the conversation that followed shouldn't be one fuelled by alcohol. Despite how it eased his nerves, Oona deserved better. He'd just have to suck up and get on with it, just like his father had always told him.

He almost slammed into the front door, hands shaking as he took his key out of his front pocket and unlocked the door. Without thinking he made a beeline for Lalli's room, grabbing him another bottle of water as he went, and opened the door.

Lalli was awake, sat up on his bed sipping at the water bottle Emil had left earlier. He gave Emil a curious look.

"You're back early."

Emil had apparently left his brain behind, as he found himself replying with the intellectually stimulating "God, you're so hot."

Lalli frowned. "You're drunk."

Emil nodded. "Yup."

"How much did you drink?"

"A can of beer and many shots."

"Sounds like a good time."

"It was terrible." Emil lamented as he walked over to him, flopping down by his knees. "You weren't there."

"But everyone else-"

"Not enough. Not you."

Lalli didn't know what Emil meant by that, so he simply drained the last of the water in the bottle and held out his hand for the other one. Once he'd had a nap and rehydrated, he felt miles better. His ear still hurt, and he was still too hot, but he could think straight again.

Straight enough to know Emil had probably drank too much.

"Emil," Lalli said as the other man rolled onto his back, arms spread and staring up at the ceiling, "are you okay?"

"Not really."

Lalli cringed. He shouldn't have asked that, he had no idea at all as of how to reply.

"Why?"

"Oona knows."

"Knows what?"

"About me."

"... What about you?"

If Lalli struggled to understand sober Emil, drunk Emil was an absolute enigma.

"That I like guys!" Emil groaned and covered his face with his hands. "What am I going to do?! She's going to be so hurt and it's all my fault!"

Lalli silently cursed. Without even trying, she was already sharpening his edges.

He hoped that Emil was drunk enough to forget this in the morning. Leaning down, he carefully kissed Emil's forehead before extracting the water bottle from his hand. He'll be having this, thank you very much!

Emil had frozen, eyes wide and pupils blown even wider.

Had... Had he broken him?

Emil slowly turned to look at him, mouth agape.

"Did you just kiss my forehead?"

Lalli silently unscrewed the bottle before nodding. Yes, yes he did.

"Do it again."

"Why?"

"I need to savour this."

Lalli wriggled his legs out from underneath his back, gingerly adjusting to be kneeling. "Close your eyes," he told him, "you'll feel it better."

Drunk Emil was a gullible Emil, so he did just that.

Lalli licked his lips nervously. Did he dare? Did he want to?

... Yes, gods, yes, he did. He really did. But Emil was drunk and that was taking advantage. But he wanted this. Badly. He may not get another chance.

This was Emil, _his_ Emil, and he'd be damned if he let anyone else take him because he was too cowardly to do it himself.

So he leaned down, holding his breath, and brushed his lips against Emil's. He daren't press any harder - the beautiful thing he had with Emil was far too fragile, so it was best to simply be gentle enough to be forgotten.

Emil's eyes flew open at the contact, his breath hitching as his face flushed red.

Lalli-

Lalli was-!

He stared up at him, totally gobsmacked.

"Did you just kiss _me_?"

"What did it feel like?"

"That you did."

Lalli didn't reply, his face decorated with a satisfied smirk as he sipped his water. He felt Emil sink into him, turning into a puddle of delight.

"Can I have another one?"

"Maybe when you're sober."

Emil pouted. "Please?"

"Sober."

"I am sober."

"No, you're drunk."

"Am not!"

"You smell of cheap vodka."

"I am strong."

Lalli shoved him down to the floor. "Go sleep."

Emil spent a few moments simply laying on the carpet before he slowly stood up.

"If I remember this in the morning," Emil began, "don't believe any apologies. I will never forgive you."

And with that, he strode out the door.

Lalli looked after him with a bewildered expression. Forgive him for what?!

* * *

 

Somehow, against all odds, everyone had made it back home.

Sigrun was bruised, Mikkel even more so for intervening in her fights. Thankfully, no one had any angry messages, so they all blissfully assumed that Sigrun wasn't a wanted criminal. Reynir had spent his morning in the bathroom becoming one with the toilet, loudly cursing every god he knew as he rode out his hangover.

Tuuri had yet to surface, but if her snapchat story was anything to go by Emil knew that she'd had a hell of a good time.

Emil himself felt pretty shitty, but nothing a quick shower and some breakfast wouldn't fix. So, he did just that.

Well, he'd use the downstairs bathroom. No chance in hell he was going to shower upstairs while Reynir was still hugging the toilet bowl and sobbing into it.

"Morning princess." Sigrun had teased. "We missed you last night. When did you go?"

"I didn't feel that great." Emil smoothly lied. He'd had all night to think of it, after all. "So I came home early, didn't want to be the first chunder of the night."

"I think Reynir had that honour." Sigrun laughed. "Poor little Viking."

"I heard." Emil winced. Faintly, if one listened, they could hear him groaning upstairs. "I was going to shower."

"Gotta get rid of the liquor sweat." Sigrun grimaced. "Be strong, Emil. You can do this."

As he stripped for his shower, Emil thought back over he previous night. He remembered leaving the party, and he remembered getting home.

He didn't really remember what happened after. The hot water splashed about his feet as he washed his hair, puzzling over the enigma that had been presented to him.

Just what had he do-

He almost dropped his bottle of conditioner.

Oh, oh no!

He'd admitted he was gay to Lalli!! He wasn't even sure if he _was_ , damn it! And then, then, Lalli had kissed him, _and_ then his drunk ass had stooped down to rock bottom and had asked for another!

He bit down on his bottom lip to stop a groan from escaping.

How could he have let this happen?!

Emil could hardly touch his breakfast for his mortification. Oh, gods, how could he have done this? Trust him to fuck it up!

The clock struck ten, and Lalli finally emerged from his room. Sleepily rubbing at his eyes, he collapsed into the kitchen chair next to Emil and slumped onto his shoulder.

"Doctors." Lalli rumbled as explanation.

Oh. Yes. Doctors. He had promised that, hadn't he?

Emil offloaded Lalli onto the table, leaving him face down on it as he ran upstairs to quickly dress himself before coming back down them again. He encouraged Lalli to eat a few crackers and to drink some water before hauling him out the door.

Lalli clung onto his arm, using Emil as both a guide and a something to bear his weight as the two trudged along in the wet morning.

"I'm sorry if I did anything last night." Emil began. Lalli was tracing the most distracting patterns on his inner wrist.

"You said that you weren't really sorry last night." Lalli replied, muffled by Emil's coat.

"Seriously?!"

"I think it's because I pushed you off the bed."

"Ignore drunk Emil. He knows nothing."

"Noted."

"Genuinely, though," Emil said as he pressed the button at the crossing. "I really am sorry."

"What for?"

"I..." Emil tossed the words around in his head. Feign ignorance? Pretend he had forgotten?

... No, he couldn’t do that. That wasn’t fair on Lalli, and it would come back to bite him in the ass soon enough. That, and he simply couldn’t bring himself to do it, the words stuck to his tongue.

“I was pretty drunk.” Emil grimaced. “I should have left you to rest.”

“I didn’t mind.” Lalli replied, going out of his way to step on a crunchy leaf. “I needed the water anyway.”

Oh, yes, that was right wasn’t it? He’d brought him another water bottle.

“Still.” Emil held the door to the clinic open for him. “Wasn’t fair on you.”

Lalli slipped in and found the cleanest looking seat. He simply shrugged in reply, watching Emil tap Lalli’s details on the check in screen. When Emil sat down next to him, his coat neatly in his lap, he leaned his head on his shoulder and shut his eyes.

“Too bright?” He asked.

“Too bright.” Lalli agreed.

“Your appointment will be in a few minutes.” Emil comforted him, smoothing his hair. “Then we can go home and you can go back to sleep.”

“Can we watch some more weird documentaries?”

“I’ll make sure my laptop’s charged.”

He took his phone out, sending a quick text to the group chat asking someone to plug in his laptop. A few moments later, Lalli’s name popped up on the screen.

“What are they going to do to me?” He quietly asked, his grip on Emil’s arm enough to cause shooting pain.

“Nothing, just ask you a few questions and look at your ear.” Emil promised. “Do you want me to go in with you?”

Lalli mutely nodded.

Emil stood, helping Lalli up as the other stumbled as their balance was off-kilter, and walked into the doctor’s office.

He hoped that they wouldn’t question this too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all have a friend who is a Reynir. If you can’t think of the friend, it’s probably you.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Abprallen](http://abprallen.tumblr.com/) here! Llama’s internet’s well and truly crapped itself so she’s had to send me this over text. The whoooole thang. If it reads a bit weirdly let me know and I’ll see what I can do to fix it – we don’t know when her internet will behave itself so she can’t do the edits herself. Any errors are because of this – hopefully there wont be any glaring ones! – Abprallen <3  
>  Sorry this took so long! It just didn’t wanna write. & I see u on the Lalli likes Mothman bandwagon. I see u. -Llama

Lalli was in a foul mood when they returned home. His ear was sore from how the doctor had shoved all manner of things inside, his head hurt, and he was far, far too hot. The antibiotics the doctor had given him tasted awful to boot – apparently he was too old for the nicely flavoured medicine. _Pah!_

“Still want to watch some stuff together?” Emil asked as he hung their coats up, Lalli rubbing at the spot in front of his ear. “It’ll pass the time until the drowsiness from the medicine kicks in.”

“Yes.” Lalli curtly replied as he kicked of his boots, waiting for a moment as Emil took off his own before grabbing his arm and pulling him into his room.

The curtains were still drawn, the room thrown into darkness. The dregs of light coming in through the fabric were just enough to see by.

“Wait, I need to get my laptop.” Emil wriggled out of Lalli’s grasp and took the stairs two at a time, almost falling into his room as he stumbled at the door. He grabbed his laptop, unplugging its charger and tucking it under his arm. After a moment of thought, he grabbed a blanket and his pillow before heading back downstairs.

Lalli had made himself a nest on his bed, almost hidden among his blankets and soft pillows. He cracked an eye open when he heard Emil, shuffling to the side to give him room as he watched the other approach.

“What did you want to watch first?” He asked as he booted up his laptop, wincing when the volume came on full blast. He quickly muted it as Lalli made a loud sound of displeasure and ducked his head into his nest.

“Mmrr!”

“I’m sorry!”

“You pick.” Lalli grumpily replied, voice muffled by the blankets. Emil logged into his Netflix and began scrolling through the documentaries.

Most of them were boring – it looked like this countries Netflix library was limited to all hell – so he resigned himself to the faithful look-away-and-click method of choosing.

Totally fool proof, he told himself.

As the opening credits started, he put the laptop at the end of the bed and arranged himself comfortably, fluffing his pillow to optimum fluffiness before settling back down with his laptop. Lalli curled in closer, stealing a portion of Emil’s pillow for himself.

_Prick,_ Emil fondly thought.

As the smooth voice of a wizened English man filled the room, Lalli relaxed into Emil’s shoulder, a hand snaking out to grip onto his sleeve. His fingers danced out in invisible patterns, following lines only he could see, knotting and bunching the fabric of Emil’s jumper. Emil could feel the heat from his face even through his layers, and couldn’t help but feel a stab of fear. Was Lalli supposed to be this warm?

They were barely halfway through the episode before Lalli decided that his blankets were evil, evil creatures and kicked them off, squirming under Emil’s arm and firmly planting his face against his chest. Emil yelped as the movement made him slip, arms flailing to grab onto whatever he could to stop himself from falling off the bed.

“ _Noooo_!”

Lalli grabbed the laptop from Emil’s lap, leaving the Swede to fend for himself. The narrator continued on, describing the plight of migrating caribou, completely oblivious to their viewers. He watched silently as Emil struggled to get back on, shimmying until he no longer needed to grip onto the bedside table and wall for balance.

“Thanks for all your help, Lalli.” He huffed.

“You’re welcome.”

Emil somehow knew that Lalli didn’t _quite_ get his sarcasm. Maybe one day he’d get there. He accepted the laptop back and held his arm out for Lalli.

“So you won’t knock me off the bed again.” He clarified at the frown Lalli gave him. The Finn nodded and leaned against his shoulder this time, thank god, and pulled some of his blankets with him.

Emil’s attention turned back to the screen in time to see a wolf chasing down a baby caribou.

Emil loudly gasped, followed swiftly by a drawn out “ _Nooo_!” as his hand flew to his mouth. Lalli cringed and brought his hands up to his ears with a displeased growl.

“Sorry.” Emil patted him on the head. “It’s just – that poor little bab- NOOO!”

Lalli almost booted him off the bed and sent him out. Did it really need that much screaming?! It was natural – of _course_ the wolf was going to kill the animal it hunted. Otherwise it wouldn’t have expended the energy to chase it!

But of course, Emil wouldn’t see it that way. He saw it as a mean nasty wolf killing a poor sweet little baby caribou. So Lalli did the most logical thing in that moment, and placed two fingers over Emil’s lips. _Shut up_.

He looked like he was about to cry, an expression he was all too familiar with.

Words had never worked for him, but action did, so he leaned over and pressed his lips against his cheek – it was barely more than a brush, really, and settled back against his shoulder.

Emil thought his face was going to melt off.

How could he be so damn casual about this?! It felt almost a crime how Lalli could simply breeze through it as though it were nothing while he himself fought to keep his composure. Despite how Lalli was now focused on the screen in front of him, now showing an expanse of a snow-laden forest, Emil buried his face in Lalli’s hair, if only to hide how his cheeks were burning a bright scarlet.

Lalli twisted to peer up at him through his hair.

“You’re bright red.”

“Thank you, for noticing.”

“Was what I did bad?”

“No, no,” Emil hastily assured him, “I just wasn’t… expecting it.”

“Drunk Emil enjoyed it more.”

“He did, didn’t he?” Emil replied as he ran a hand through his hair. The reminder of what he’d done was both sweet and bitter on his tongue. Yes, he’d kissed _Lalli_ , but… did Lalli mean it? Was he misremembering because he was drunk? Had Lalli only _done_ _it_ because he was drunk?

Well, he couldn’t be having Drunk Emil lording it over him. Drunk Emil was ballsy, but Sober Emil would show him who was boss!

“I’m not mad.” Emil replied, pressing a kiss to Lalli’s head, “I promise.”

Lalli wrangled the hand that Emil still had buried in his own hair, placing the tips of their fingers together as he stretched their hands out as far as they could go before bringing them back in and wriggling them up and down. The documentary playing on Emil’s laptop went completely forgotten as Lalli’s other hand found itself rubbing its knuckles over the soft fabric at Emil’s hip.

Emil couldn’t stop watching Lalli, the other transfixed with their hands. Lalli briefly glanced up at Emil as if to gauge his reaction, but his eyes snapped back when he realised that Emil was watching him. When Emil realised that they were nose to nose, the tips brushing together, he felt all the air in his lungs be sucked out of him and his stomach tighten.

_Oh, god._

"Won't Mothman be annoyed?" Emil asked, the other dizzyingly close. If he wanted, he could count each and every speckle of blue in his eyes. Lalli fixed him with a flat look, cocking his head.

"I'm sure he won't mind."

"That's good." Emil breathed.

"Do you still want this?" Lalli couldn't help but ask. “You’re stalling.”

Emil swallowed hard. "Yes, _god_ , yes, I do-"

Lalli pushed the laptop from Emil's lap and swung his legs over, taking its place. Emil's thighs were warm from the heat of the laptop.

"But do you want me?" Emil quickly finished to hide the panic he felt in his chest. God, this shouldn't be making him feel so damn _giddy_! He desperately tried to imagine that it was a girl instead - the girl he'd had a passing interest in at high school, the girl in the coffee shop, the one-

Oh, but it was useless. He'd feel a sinking feeling in his chest until he blinked and saw crystal clear eyes staring right back into his, short silver hair that was ruffled by the many blankets it had been cocooned in just moments ago, and a confused lilt of a mouth.

Oh, fuck, had he said any of that aloud?

"Of course I do." Lalli replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Even with those?" Emil asked, his eyes flicking down to his arms, to where Lalli's thumbs brushed against the crook of his arm. Lalli nodded.

"Even with those."

It was as though a weight had been lifted, what ever it was that restrained him and prevented him from acting on his strange and mushy feelings had disappeared. So with a strange, and frankly embarrassing noise, he leaned forwards and closed what little of a gap they had between them.

Lalli practically melted in his hands, his fingers flexing and reaching up to grasp at the front of Emil's shirt. He worked his fingers into the fabric, happily sighing before pulling away so their noses brushed and breath ghosted over the others lips. Emil felt his chest swell in delight, and he couldn't stop the corners of his mouth twitching up in a grin. If he were any less of a man, he'd be smiling ear-to-ear and giggling like a schoolgirl. That being said, he couldn't stop the delighted laugh that bubbled up from his chest.

Lalli's eye twitched in what Emil recognised as a wince. Well, way to ruin the moment Emil.

"Does it hurt?" He quietly asked, highly aware of the raging ear infection Lalli was currently fighting.

"It does."

Emil exhaled heavily through his nose. "I'm sorry. Come on, you're meant to be resting."

"Making it difficult." Lalli adjusted his grip. "And I don't want to."

"For me?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Fine.” Emil huffed out a laugh, not expecting any less from Lalli, “But if you fall asleep on me, I’ll be most upset.”

Lalli took that as invite to close the distance between them again, Emil’s hands flying up to tangle themselves in his hair and pull him closer as a needy sound tore from his throat. He tasted of antibiotics and the sweet tea he’d downed to wash away the worst of the taste.

As Emil shifted his hand to better hold Lalli’s sharp jaw, his phone loudly vibrated, making the pair jump.

“Damn it!” Emil cursed, grabbing his phone and checking the message on the screen. “Ooooh.” His face fell.

“What is it?” Lalli asked, peering down at the phone. He couldn’t read it.

“Text.” Emil paused for a moment, as if considering on elaborating. “From Oona.”

“Oh. What did she say?”

“She’s pissed I left early last night.”

“Tell her you were with me.”

Emil shook his head. “No, no, that won’t help.” He nibbled on his nails. “Ugh! What should I do?!”

“Ignore her. That’s what Tuuri does when she wants to avoid things.”

“I’m _not_ doing that.” Emil unlocked his phone with a swipe of his thumb, digits dancing over his keyboard as he mentally picked over his words. “That wont fix anything.”

Lalli was silent as Emil huffed and began typing out a message. His head felt thick and heavy, as though someone had stuffed it with cotton. Hmm. That wasn’t quite right. He slipped off Emil’s lap, curling up next to him and closed his eyes. Just for a moment. It would pass in just a moment, and then he could get back to being nosey and snooping in on Emil’s conversation with Oona. Yes, yes, that was a good plan.

* * *

 

Lalli liked the rain.

It was relaxing, the way it pattered against the roof and the window, how it produced a constant sound and rhythm. How the world became quiet in prelude to the main event of a storm, the way it slowly came back to life after. He especially liked curling up with his favourite blanket and a hot water bottle and just _listening_. Grandmother had always told him it was important to listen. Grandmother had always made sure he listened hard and well, for the world had many secrets and was willing to tell those who listened.

He found he especially liked it when he was sprawled out over something very warm and very soft, fingers tangled in his hair and amongst his own.

His eyes snapped open.

_Wait_.

This was not how he was supposed to wake up. He was not supposed to be with someone - he slept _alone_ \- and he was most certainly not meant to be sprawled over them as though they were some teddy bear. Lalli glanced upwards, wary of the fingers in his hair ripping any out, and felt himself relax when he saw Emil.

Clearly, Emil did not leave. He had stayed, and now they were together listening to the sound of the evening rain pattering against the pavement outside.

"You awake?" Emil quietly asked.

"Mmhm." Lalli grumbled. "Ear hurts."

"I’ll get some painkillers.” Emil said, shifting as though to get out of bed. "Can you sit up?"

Lalli shakily pushed himself up, hand immediately flying to his forehead as the world span around him. _Nngh_. What a nuisance!

When the room decided to stay still, he peered at Emil through his fingers. When had he taken off his jumper? How could he have missed that? At least he had thought to wear something underneath.

“I’ll go get them.” Emil said as he slipped out of bed, pressing a quick kiss to Lalli’s forehead before slipping out of the room.

Reynir was sat in the kitchen, a steaming mug in front of him as he started vacantly into the distance as though he had seen war. Emil supposed he had.

“I didn’t realise you were still alive.” He quipped as he rummaged in the medicine cupboard.

“Barely.” Reynir grumbled back, taking a hesitant sip of his drink. “I’m never drinking again. _Ever_.”

“Just wait until New Years Eve.” Emil promised. “Then you’ll change your mind about that.”

“I never want to see a toilet ever again.”

“You’ll get there eventually.” Mikkel replied, emerging from the porch with two full grocery bags in hand. He dumped them on the counter, dusting off his hands. “We ran out of fresh groceries.” He elaborated when he caught Emil staring. “I will not have you contracting scurvy under my care.”

“Wait – _scurvy_?! That’s still a thing?!”

“Very much so, Västerström.”

“Eesh.” Emil cringed. “That’s gross.”

“It’s why it is imperative that you eat your greens.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Emil said as he shoved the painkillers into his back pocket and hastily backed out of the kitchen. Lalli was still sat up waiting for him, massaging his ear and forehead in languid circles.

"Just two." Emil said as he dropped a couple onto his palm. "No more unless you wake up in the middle of the night, okay?"

"Okay." Lalli replied as he picked them up, throwing them both in and swallowing them dry.

Emil watched with wide eyes and a dropped jaw as Lalli fluffed up the pillows on his bed and shimmied out of his jeans, curling up under his blankets.

“… What?”

“You just swallowed them _dry_.”

“I did.”

“You’re amazing.”

“I know.”

“I’ll leave them here in case you need them.” Emil said as he put the box on the bedside table. “Call me if you need me.” He stooped to pick up his laptop and its charger when Lalli’s hand shot out and grabbed onto his arm.

“Can you stay?”

“Am I a good pillow?”

“A very good one.”

“Fine. Move over.” Emil said as he pulled back the covers, sliding in next to Lalli. Lalli wasted no time in resuming his previous position, eyes fluttering shut within seconds.

It was still raining.

* * *

 

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ to Lalli Cat; 18:45**

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Mikkel bought more yum-yums. Come get some food, okay?

**Lalli Cat** : Mmrrr

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Lalli

**Lalli Cat** : _Mmrrr_

* * *

 

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ to Mothman; 18:46**

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Can you get Lalli to eat something today?

**Mothman** : Sure.

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** When did you change your name?

**Mothman** : I… I didn’t! What???

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Lalli probably did though. It’s funny, he used to be obsessed with Mothman as a kid.

**Mothman** : I’m just glad it’s not He-man anymore.

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** I thought that was pretty funny.

**Mothman:** You are alone in that belief.

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** So did Sigrun and Mikkel!

**Mothman:** Of course Mikkel found it funny, he did it!

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Really? I thought it was Sigrun.

**Mothman** : I feel horribly lied to right now.

**Mothman** : I’m going to wake Lalli up. Think he’ll like some crackers?

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** He’ll probably take anything you feed him with.

**Mothman** : Okay. See you later.

* * *

 

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ to Angry Owl; 18:57**

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Has Lalli mentioned any friends to you yet?

**Angry Owl** : He said he might have one. Why?

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** I think I know who he means.

**Angry Owl** : I’m intrigued.

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** [IMAGE SENT]

**Angry Owl:** [IMAGE RECEIVED]

**Angry Owl:** They’re very…

**Angry Owl:** Blonde.

**Angry Owl** : I hope you didn’t send this to anyone else, Tuuri.

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Only Sigrun.

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** And Mikkel.

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** And Reynir.

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Not very many people : )

**Angry Owl** : You are terrible.

**(** **´** **▽ ` )** **ﾉ:** Love you!

**Angry Owl** : … Love you too.

* * *

 

A few days later, Lalli's infection was looking much much better, and they had all learned that Mikkel was ruthless when it came to taking their antibiotics. There was no escaping him when it came to their health.

Thankfully, Lalli had learned fairly quickly that even jumping out of the nearest window wasn't going to save him.

It was the witching hour, otherwise known as three am, and they were still awake. They weren't even at home. No, they were at the library.

It had been Tuuri's idea, really. They all had deadlines fast approaching, and being at home just wasn't working. Reynir spent more time cooing over documentaries and chatting away to people on the Internet, Lalli napped, Emil did... _something_ other than what he was meant to be doing, Sigrun practically lived at the gym otherwise she complained her joints were getting rusty, and Mikkel...

Well, no one dare ask what he did with his time.

So they found themselves trekking to the library one afternoon, bags packed with supplies to see them through the night, and sat in a study room armed with nothing but their laptops and a distinct feeling of regret.

"This will be fun!" Tuuri had insisted. "Trust me. By morning everything will be done!"

That, unfortunately, depended heavily on whether or not they would end up killing each other first.

Many times they thought that they would be close to death, and many times they thought that they were about to witness a murder. They could feel themselves slowly, oh so very slowly, descending into madness and succumbing to the lures of insanity.

Emil was going stir crazy. He had finished his report - all three thousand and five hundred words of it - but Tuuri wouldn't let him leave until everyone else was finished. "It's only fair!" She had said.

Emil wanted to shove her out the window.

"I'm going out for some air." Emil announced, chair scraping back. He tugged on his coat and shut his laptop. "I'll be back in a bit."

"How do we know you're not just escaping?" Sigrun asked, eyes still locked on her screen as she studied the page in front of her.

"Because I'm leaving my things here?"

"Fair enough. Be quick, don't want the others getting jealous."

Emil muttered something in reply before making his great escape.

Well, not so great escape, all things considered, but at least he was out of that damn room and was now stretching his legs!

He took the stairs two at a time, scanning his ID card to leave the library, and all but running towards the exit.

The air stung his face and burned his lungs, but he didn't care. He shoved his hands into his pockets as his breath fogged in the air in front of his face, the icy breeze biting into his legs.

Ugh. This felt so good.

He rummaged in the lining of his coat for his cigarettes, pulling out the carton and holding one between his lips as he fished out his lighter. If he still smelled like smoke when he returned upstairs, he wasn't sure what he'd do, but he needed this. This week had been... A lot.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He was half expecting it to be one of the five currently holed up upstairs, so he was surprised to see Dylan's name on his screen.

_My photos got chosen!!! They're going into the exhibition!!!_

Emil swiped to unlock his phone and typed out a reply with trembling fingers. He wasn't sure what he was shaking from - the cold, nerves, or the nicotine.

**Emil** : Congratulations! That's excellent.

**Dylan** : I just thought I should let you know, so you wouldn't be surprised at your face being everywhere.

**Emil** : Oh, no, those photos?!

**Dylan** : Those exact ones. They'll be up on the Facebook too, to help advertise.

**Emil** : Thanks for letting me know.

**Dylan** : Could be a new Facebook photo ;) the lord knows you haven't changed yours since middle school.

**Emil** : Excuse you, I changed it last week!

**Dylan** : Bathroom selfies don't count. I'll let you sleep now! They'll be up tomorrow morning. Well, later today, I guess.

**Emil** : No worries, I'm at the library. That's pretty quick?

**Dylan** : I forgot to tell you until now. Was too excited.

**Emil** : Can't fault that.

**Dylan** : Rushing on a report?

**Emil** : You know it.

**Dylan** : Haha! Good luck. Speak later!

Emil tucked his phone back into his pocket as he took another drag, leaning his head back against the wall. Shit. That was so soon - there was no way to give his parents any kind of excuse to keep them away from that Facebook page, there was no time for him to try and distance himself from it so it would never be found.

It was time to face the music.

"That air isn't very fresh."

Emil almost inhaled his cigarette in shock. He coughed aggressively, hacking up his lungs as he desperately scrabbled for composure.

"L-Lalli! Jesus Christ, don't do that!"

"Do what?" He innocently asked.

"Scare me like that. You're so quiet."

Lalli frowned at the still lit cigarette in Emil's hand. "I didn't know you smoked."

"It's..." Emil stared at the ashy stub in his hand. "A bad habit from the army."

Lalli nodded as he walked over to Emil, standing close enough that if Emil were to lean upwards he'd be able to comfortably kiss him (not that he would, given he'd been smoking). The Finns nose scrunched up in distaste.

"Disgusting."

"I sure hope you mean the smell."

Lalli nodded. He paused mid nod, head tilting to the side slightly. "And the habit."

"Ow."

"Would you rather I lied to preserve your dignity?"

"Yes, please."

Lalli huffed. “It’s funnier to tell the truth.”

“You’re awful.” Emil took one last drag of his cigarette, stubbing it out with his shoe before picking it up and dropping it into the wall-mounted ashtray. “Come on, they’re probably waiting.”

Lalli grabbed his sleeve and dug his feet in, refusing to move.

"Lalli?"

"Why do you do that?"

"Smoke?" Emil asked for clarification. When Lalli nodded, he looked away and focused on a wad of gum stuck to the wall.

"I told you. An army habit."

"I've never seen you do it before."

"I don't do it often." Emil admitted. "Only when I'm stressed." _Like now_.

"Stressed about your exams?"

"Yeah." _And how I'm probably gay_.

His gut twisted in guilt. Was he toying with Lalli? He despised that thought.

"It will be okay." Lalli replied, and Emil found himself feeling a little bit better, even when he realised that Lalli wasn’t a mind reader and wouldn’t know how nauseous he felt about the whole thing.

"I hope so."

"Can we get coffee?"

"Where from? The machine here doesn't do the iced one you like."

"It's fine. Any is good."

Hard to argue with that, his heavy eyelids argued.

Emil found some spare change in his pocket and loaded it into the machine, letting Lalli pick his drink first before he bought his own.

“A mocha?” Emil asked as he noticed Lalli’s selection. “I didn’t think you liked them from this machine.”

Lalli pointed at the sachets kept in a cubby to the side. “I put more cocoa in.”

“Your dentist-“

“Loves me.”

Emil grimaced. Of course, they’d had this conversation before. Lalli’s dental health was _impeccable_.

They silently watched the machine do its work. “Will Tuuri still not let anyone leave?”

“Nope.” Lalli sulkily replied. “She’s holding my laptop hostage to make sure I go back.”

“What’s so important on your laptop?”

“My assignments.” Lalli quickly replied.

“Don’t you have them backed up anywhere?”

“I don’t trust OneDrive.”

“I have _everything_ on there.” Emil balked. “It’s so much effort otherwise!”

“Memory stick.” Lalli replied as the machine beeped to announce it was done, taking his cup and grabbing a few sachets, pouring them in before stirring with a wooden stick and clipping on a plastic lid. Emil got his own drink and followed suit, forgoing the extra sachets. He didn’t need it, he told himself, even as the coffee tasted of bitter ash. He didn’t need it.

Lalli gave him a lingering look as they walked back to the library, elbows brushing.


End file.
